Alibi Weblog

A Raccoon Story

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 17:05:23 -0600

I just got back from Bob’s farm in Minnesota. I have lots of boring stories to share, and this will be the first. When I visit, I stay in Bob’s Sauna Hütte: a detached building with a sauna, kitchen, bedroom, office and wine cellar, which is pretty cool except it didn’t have any power this time and there was a family of raccoons living in the ceiling. I listened to the raccoon family scurry around above my head all night, and I could hear the babies snarling and fighting with one another. It was all very cute and I didn’t get a wink of sleep. (Or it didn’t feel like I slept. I’m pretty sure I didn’t meet a guy from Dee-Lite at a wedding.) I told Bob that he had raccoons in the ceiling. “Well, Nick,” Bob replied, “I’m sure you heard something, but I’m willing to bet it’s not a raccoon. I suspect there’s a squirrel up there.” Yeah, ok, but that’s a big-ass squirrel and I guess I was the only one who heard the babies growling while we were drinking a bottle of wine the next day. The last time they had raccoons in the ceiling, Bob said, they discovered it because urine soaked through the ceiling and stank. I call your attention to State’s Exhibit A, inset. We set a trap, first in the attic and then on the roof. The morning I left, there was a big-ass raccoon in the trap, snarling at us. We drove her to the Red Eye Valley, about 15 miles north and turned her loose. I’m sure she’ll find her way back; raccoons have a homing sense, and can find their way back to a nest from 100 miles away. I’ve understand they can’t breathe under water, though. Which brings us back to the curious case of the Montauk Monster, a strange cryptid that washed up on a beach, then turned out to be a burned and decomposing raccoon. Finally, this case has been solved. Some dudes found a dead raccoon and decided to give him a Viking’s Funeral. They set him out to sea on a burning raft, and the rest is history.

Why is Sarah Palin Still Popular?

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 15:31:33 -0600

I know the Presidential election happened eight months ago, but CBS ran a highly entertaining story about Gov. Sarah Palin clashing with senior McCain campaign staff. That in itself isn't news, but the story focuses on a previously undisclosed email back-and-forth between Palin and McCain campaign head Steve Schmidt. Palin wanted the campaign to come out in defense of Palin's husband Todd. The snowmobile guru had been criticized for belonging to an Alaskan political party that wants to secede from the union. Below is the email chain between Palin and Schmidt: Palin: "Pls get in front of that ridiculous issue that's cropped up all day today - two reporters, a protester's sign, and many shout-outs all claiming Todd's involvement in an anti-American political party," Palin wrote. "It's bull, and I don't want to have to keep reacting to it ... Pls have statement given on this so it's put to bed." Schmidt: "Ignore it. He was a member of the aip? My understanding is yes. That is part of their platform. Do not engage the protesters. If a reporter asks say it is ridiculous. Todd loves america." Palin: "That's not part of their platform and he was only a 'member' bc independent alaskans too often check that 'Alaska Independent' box on voter registrations thinking it just means non partisan, He caught his error when changing our address and checked the right box. I still want it fixed." Schmidt: "Secession. It is their entire reason for existence. A cursory examination of the website shows that the party exists for the purpose of seceding from the union. That is the stated goal on the front page of the web site. Our records indicate that todd was a member for seven years. If this is incorrect then we need to understand the discrepancy. The statement you are suggesting be released would be inaccurate. The inaccuracy would bring greater media attention to this matter and be a distraction. According to your staff there have been no media inquiries into this and you received no questions about it during your interviews. If you are asked about it you should smile and say many alaskans who love their country join the party because it speaks to a tradition of political independence. Todd loves his country. We will not put out a statement and inflame this and create a situation where john has to address this."

City Tweets

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 11:44:31 -0600

Albuquerque's 311 information center is now accepting queries via Twitter.
"You can now contact the City of Albuquerque 311 using Twitter, the social-networking phenomenon! You can use Twitter to get information about City facilities like the Zoo, and to report problems around town such as damaged street signs, potholes, or graffiti. You can even snap a photo of the problem, and send that along with your tweet to assist us in resolving the issue. To Tweet the City of Albuquerque's 311, just follow CABQ and send the preface d CABQ along with the question or request for service. A City of Albuquerque 311 representative will answer your question - 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
Read all about it here.

The Daily Word 07.03.09

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 10:29:19 -0600

Cut DWI with an extra hour of bar time. White supremacist kills other white supremacist, sentenced to life in prison. KOB gets a whiff of salvia. Who throws rocks at the ice cream man? Some city union workers not stoked about Mayor Chavez endorsement. Rainbow Gathering roils. Something something Neverland Ranch. "Organic" label standards loose. British Embassy staff accused of spurring protests in Iran will be put on trial. The real deal on Opus Dei. U.S. nuns scrutinized. The new butch. Music career via WoW twink. The most inspiring [url]http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg20327156.600-most-inspirational-woman-scientist-revealed.html?DCMP=OTC-rss&nsref=online-news[/url]female scientists.

Today Is Not the Fourth of July

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 09:00:00 -0600

It’s almost the Fourth of July. You don’t actually want to read anything, do you? You’re just passing time until tomorrow, when you can get drunk at noon and gorge yourself on hotdogs and firework fumes. Get yourself in the spirit with this Cherry Bomb and Firecrackers Game. Or, if you insist on being a geek, take this Independence Day Quiz.

The Reporter Who Escaped the Taliban

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 15:38:17 -0600

Pulitzer Prize-winning New York Times reporter David Rohde somehow survived more than six months of captivity under the Taliban. He escaped, along with Afghan reporter Tahir Ludin, two weeks ago. Yesterday was his first day back in the newsroom. From the NYT: "“In an intensely emotional moment, the two men walked into The Times’s newsroom to enormous waves of applause from scores of reporters and editors. At Mr. Rohde’s side was Kristen Mulvihill, his wife of only two months when he, Mr. Ludin and their driver, Asadullah Mangal, were abducted on Nov. 10 outside Kabul. “As the long ovation continued, Mr. Ludin wiped away tears. Some in the third-floor newsroom, in The Times’s building on Eighth Avenue in Midtown, seemed near tears themselves. Many, maybe most, had not been aware of their colleagues’ ordeal during the months that it lasted. The newspaper did not report on the kidnapping and persuaded other news organizations to follow its lead in the belief that publicity would have made Mr. Rohde more valuable to his captors as a bargaining chip, and perhaps reduced his chances of surviving.”" [photo] "“Mr. Rohde, 41, is low-key by nature, and he was in character as he spoke briefly to the newsroom gathering. “He did not discuss details of his abduction or of his escape on June 19. But he allowed that Mr. Ludin had told the hostage takers that if they wanted to chop off Mr. Rohde’s head, they would have to chop off his own first. It was a chilling reminder of the dangers of reporting in Central Asia, where Daniel Pearl of The Wall Street Journal was murdered and beheaded in 2002. “Mr. Rohde spoke of Mr. Ludin’s bravery and said he represented true Islam and not the “twisted” form of their captors, whose hard-line interpretation of religion, he said, made them less humane.”"

Cryptid Alert! Slimy Lifeform Discovered in Sewer!

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 14:56:06 -0600

Thanks to Robert Masterson for showing me this footage of slimy, pulsating things living in a North Carolina sewer pipe. The images were captured by a construction company using snake cameras to inspect sewer lines. It hurts my balls just to look at it. The current explanation is that these are colonies of tubifex worms. Yeah, as if.

Laws

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 11:03:01 -0600

A lot of the stuff the state Legislature passed in 2009 went into effect yesterday. What changed? There’s no more death penalty. Employers have to give people experiencing domestic abuse time off to visit lawyers, etc. Cyber stalking is now considered stalking. Below is a full list of laws that went into effect July 1. Each is linked so you can parse the measures yourself. HB 12 Alternative Vehicle Registrations HB 31 Motor Vehicle Theft and Embezzlement HB 59 Veterans Museum Act HB 156 PERA Notices to Members HB 181 Uniform Legislation Commission Membership HB 188 Educator Licensure Fund Purposes HB 197 Regional Education Cooperative Programs HB 199 School District and Training Center HB 208 Proof of Aggravating Circumstances Standards HB 227 Increase Airport Facilities Funding Limits HB 257 Tax Administration Confidentiality HB 261 Estimated Future Property Tax Information to Buyers HB 263 Increase Civil Case Court Automation Fee HB 279 ID Theft Reports and Prosecutions HB 285 Abolish Death Penalty HB 286 Certain Board and Commission Sunset Dates HB 288 Sandoval Flood Control Authority Debt HB 295 New Mexico-Sonora Commission Act HB 330 Uniform Athlete Agents Act HB 370 Psychologist Licensure and Background Check HB 413 Naprapath Licensure HB 454 Prudent Management of Institutional Funds Act HB 572 Solar Energy Improvement Special Assessments HB 583 Small Precinct Absentee Voting HB 603 Public Facility Cumulative Cost Savings HB 622 Green Jobs Bonding Act HB 664 Unlicensed Health Care Practice Act HB 683 Retired Public Employee Returning as Sheriff HB 690 Foreign-Country Money Judgments Recognition HB 763 Gaming Machine Payout Liens HB 766 Higher Education Endowment Fund Distribution HB 792 Uniform Unsworn Foreign Declarations Act HB 854 PERA Member and State Contribution Changes SB 11 Uniform Revised Limited Partnership Changes SB 26 Motor Vehicle Theft & Embezzlement SB 33 Public Work Project Prevailing Wage SB 68 Domestic Abuse Victim Financial Independence SB 76 Workers Comp Settlement Agreement SB 89 Local Gross Receipts Tax Changes SB 142 Victim of Sex Offense Age Increase SB 166 Revise Crime of Stalking SB 185 Pet License Plate Fees to Animal Care Fund SB 213 Weight Distance Tax Underreporting Penalties SB 219 Cigarette Tax Act Changes SB 220 Capitol Buildings Planning Commission Duties SB 228 Bingo and Raffle Act Changes SB 230 Commercial Driver’s License Penalties SB 239 Eliminate Magistrate Circuit Courts SB 248 Children’s Code Revisions SB 275 Interlocks and DWI License Reinstatement SB 316 Sandoval Flood Control Authority Debt SB 356 Annual Controlled Substance Registration SB 584 Public Project Revolving Fund Projects SB 680 Procurement for Crime Victim Grant Contracts. SB 669 Disabled Veteran Game and Fish Benefits

The Daily Word 07.02.09

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 09:36:47 -0600

Air France flight did not break up in air; plummeted almost vertically. Driver accused of killing four Santa Fe teens while driving intoxicated on suicide watch; so’s his mom. City cuts funding for TALNet educational channel. California out of money; set to issue IOUs. Next up: homemade coupons for hugs. New Mexico educators fighting pension contribution increase. Nearly half a million U.S. jobs cut in June, up significantly from May’s numbers. There’s a ban at NPR against using the word “torture.” Court in India rules gay sex no longer criminal. Judge bans unauthorized sequel to Catcher in the Rye by some Swedish dude. Now we’ll never know what happens to the ducks. Pet python strangles two-year-old to death. Karl Malden died, left home without it.

The Saints Wednesday

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 15:54:28 -0600

Australia's The Saints were making Stooges/MC5/New York Dolls-inspired punk back in 1973, before The Ramones or The Sex Pistols were formed. Here see the band’s scratchy, apocalyptic music video for classic track, “(I’m) Stranded,” recorded in 1976.