Does Your Vote Count?

The results of our own election-fraud experiments indicate that it probably does

So far, we've tried a couple of experiments at the polls, and the results indicate that voting in Albuquerque is on the up-and-up. Early this morning, Alibi Head Greens Keeper, Chester Mulch*, who voted early, arrived at his polling place and attempted to vote again. After giving his name to the polling volunteer, she diligently looked it up on her list and informed Mr. Mulch that he had, in fact voted early and would therefore not be permitted to vote again.

“Good,” responded Mr. Mulch, “just making sure my vote was recorded.” Then he came to work.

Later this morning, Alibi Stables Foreman Dan Blocker*, who reregistered two months ago at his new address but never received confirmation or a new Voter Registration Card, took his old card to his old polling place on the way to the new one he had confirmed with the County Clerk yesterday. After waiting in a nearly nonexistent line, he attempted to vote, but was told he was not on the list, meaning he either wasn't registered or was registered at a different precinct. After explaining that he believed he was most definitely registered, Mr. Blocker was kindly instructed to contact the County Clerk's office or visit the website to find his precinct and polling place. He intends to vote this afternoon at the polling place at which he's been assigned.

In both cases, our employees were well-treated and well-instructed by election volunteers, which, at the very least, gives us some level of confidence that voter fraud, with respect to Bernalillo County, has been slightly overhyped.

More on this later if we can rustle up any other idiots on our staff pining for long prison sentences.

*Names have been changed to protect those staff members stupid enough to risk arrest and federal charges in an effort to challenge the system.