Snack Attack No. 6

When Good Clamato Goes Bad

Assy!
Assy!

There are times when I hold my head in my hands and scream “WHY??!!” at the top of my lungs. After sampling Clamato Tortilla Chips, the newest Franken-chip creation from Poore Brothers, Inc., I found myself begging for there to be a god somewhere to save me from my snacking caprice.

How did this drama occur? I was strolling past a vending machine when I saw the bright blue bag with the word Clamato sprawled across the top. I adore Clamato; ever since the first time I had my beer dosed with it in some backwoods bar in Montana. The savory taste of clam broth coupled with the tang of tomato juice is like the Sonny and Cher of beverages. (A Nick and Jessica reference would be more accurate for these @#$%^ chips, though.) So it was only natural that anything flavored with this tasty brew would be spectacular, right? I was oh-so-wrong.

Shortly after opening the bag I came to the conclusion that a Freddy Kruger-love-child between Ketchup, stinky butts and stale Tostitos would come close to representing the taste of these evil, evil chips of death. I looked up some info on the chips after I spent a week gargling Listerine to remove the taste. I found this excerpt at Goliath.com: Clamato Tortilla Chips are the zesty tomato flavor from the popular seafood blend beverage/mixer. Clamato is a popular beverage in Mexico, Puerto Rico, Guatemala, Cuba or any South American or Caribbean country. I don’t know what they do for fun in South America or the Caribbean, but I hope they don’t eat these and try to procreate. Interested in other snacks (any other snacks, please) from Poore Brothers? Web ‘em at [link].

Aaaannd, check out next week’s attack when I go organic.