Help Save Civilization

Countless factors distinguish refined civilization from less dignified forms of social organization—widespread literacy, for example, and wearing clothes in public. Perhaps one of the biggest differences between advanced society and lowly barbarism is the willingness of inbred, knuckle-dragging cretins to paint over hinges and screws when they’re repainting their homes. What the hell is wrong with you people? Were you raised in caves? These, of course, are the same people who don’t remove outlet plates or light fixtures either. They just slop paint all over everything, layer after layer, until the outlets blend right into the wall. Come on. It takes three seconds to unscrew the damned things—unless there’s 18 layers of paint over the screws, in which case it could take three freakin’ hours.

Die, screw painters! Die!