Meet the Alibi Staff: Dr. Blackheart

Valentine's Councilor

Mr. Sprinkles/Dr. Blackheart and his lover pre-earth shattering breakup.
Mr. Sprinkles/Dr. Blackheart and his lover pre-earth shattering breakup.

Valentine's Day can be a time of unparalleled joy for folks who are madly in love, but for the other 99.9 percent of humanity, the holiday usually blows.

Helping the Alibi through this often difficult time of year is Dr. Blackheart. His given name was actually Mr. Sprinkles, but a turbulent romance during grad school prompted the good doctor to adopt a moniker that reflected his true thoughts on matters of the heart. "Love is for ninnies," Dr. Blackheart asserts. "It is an emotion felt by the weak and naive that should be eradicated from the human consciousness."

Although he found his methods a bit harsh at first, one staff member recalls coming out of a bad breakup with a new found sense of resolve after a few sessions with Dr. Blackheart. "He really helped me understand that the best thing to do is sack it up," the staff member says. "I don't think I'll ever feel love, pain, empathy, or anything except blinding rage for the rest of my days. I owe it all to Dr. B."