People I Meet While Drinking

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Sometimes I get drunk at the bar and decide to make friends. Once I met a cowboy. He let me wear his hat. Once I met a fireman. He had a cool shirt that said something about rockers and mods. That was the most interesting thing about him. Once I met a police officer. He wouldn’t let me play with his gun. He wouldn’t handcuff me either. Once I met an NMSU football player. I told him people who played sports were stupid. He didn’t want to be my friend.

I’ve met several Irish people at the bar. We always make plans to cook corned beef and cabbage. I never call them. Once I met some kid in a ska band. His band sucked and he won’t stop calling me.

I often meet large lesbians who use cocaine. They sometimes try to take me home but my husband always steps in to run them off. They seem nice enough. I also meet lots of old men who want to dance with me. They’re creepy but fun.

I meet lots of artists. Drunken artists are fun, and sometimes they’re actually nice people. Like Stephen Conn, "The Radioactive Rabbi." He draws funny little comics about Jews and people who live in Santa Fe. I like people who make fun of people who live in Santa Fe.

I met a guy from England at the bar. I followed him around making him say words in English.

People at the bar think I’m annoying. I think they’re silly.