Six Science Fiction Books I’m Working On

1) In a post-apocalyptic future, a matron gives two young wanderers each a kleenex. It is a luxury they had almost forgotten. They carefully blow their noses and pick the boogers out of their nostrils. One man throws his kleenex in the fire, but the other pockets his. "If you don't mind, ma'am, I'd like to wipe my ass with it later."

2) A scientist time travels back to the old west with a bottle of Sprite. He shares the Sprite with a Chinese railroad worker who is so pleased he decides to teach the man martial arts.

3) Astronauts crash-land on a planet where everything is made out of candy.

4) In the future, everyone is a cop except for one guy who is a criminal. At the end, when they’re hauling him off to jail, he screams, “Fuck you, you fucking cops!”

5) All food on Earth is depleted. The remaining scientists devise a process to alter the survivors’ DNA so that they can eat glass and metal. They reluctantly submit to the process. As the last survivors undergo the transformation, a meteor hits the earth and turns everything into candy.

6) Earth is visited by a highly advanced and friendly civilization with the technology to cure all disease, famine and want. We just don’t “click” with them, though.