The News You Missed
Important information from the e-mail archive
Sad to say, we here at the Alibi aren’t omniscient. In fact, we can barely even keep up with the press releases that appear in our email inboxes, let alone the doings of all sources of knowledge and information in the universe.
Recently, we decided to stop trying to be omniscient. And then, right after that, we decided to stop trying to keep up with our email in-boxes.
BUT there are still some press releases that get sent to us which for whatever reason we can't fit into the print edition of the paper, but still might be interesting to our readers.
So, here it is, the inaugural roundup of The News You Missed, where the Alibi rescues important press release headlines from the dustbin history.
This headline pretty much sums up why I am not a vegan. But if you're a vegan who loves powder, this is relevant to your interests!
Are you Alibi readers aware of how to behave safely around lead?
Rule #1: Don't eat lead.
Rule #2: Don’t feed it to your baby.
Rule #3: Just leave lead alone. Because you may be tempted to eat it or feed it to your baby.
In conclusion, fuck lead.
Tailgating Story: Throw a Pizza on the Grill
Unfortunately, I can't find a website with this important press release on it, but rest assured that throwing a pizza on a grill is a thing you can do, and a publicist out there thinks it would make a great story.
Sorry, New York, but this happened and there’s nothing anybody can do about it now.
There it is, the News You Missed, gathered up into one convenient blog package so that you, our beloved readers, may now go about the rest of your life as a slightly more informed member of the public. You're welcome.
Check back next Friday for more News You Missed!