Inauguration schauguration

If this has nothing to do with "American Idol," who cares?
If this has nothing to do with "American Idol," who cares?

As everyone I've talked to/emailed/driven by in the past few weeks knows, I'm on jury duty. So yesterday, instead of joining my colleagues in early morning drinks/intrepid reporting, I had the privilege of watching the inauguration from the jury room. Here is my story. Since I'm sworn to secrecy, I am writing under an uncrackable pseudonym and will be using code names.

As a total pinko-Commie-Prius driving Lefto, I'm used to be surrounded by people who don't just like but la-la-love Obama. So it was interesting to be in a room (trapped in a room) with one hundred strangers and a small tv tuned to CNN. About 15 of us seemed to be watching the entire spectacle, with most sort of looking over casually. Except for:

The two 20-something ladies who chatted the entire time, loudly, about fingernails or Nair or whatever the fuck. I call them HairMouths.

The, shall I say rotund, woman with possibly the worst WORST hair I have ever seen--long in front to the chin and flat-ironed with two-inch long hair in back spiked straight up and frosty highlights--who walked in front of the tv three times, each time grimacing and sighing audibly. I call her HateBucket.

The old mustached man sitting under the tv, so that he could look at everyone who was excited and move around in his chair so as to demonstrate annoyance. I call him HemorrhoidMustache.

While a few of us clapped and cheered and a few were obviously pissed, there seemed to be a large amount of people who DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT. Really? Like, not at all? Because, whatever. I call them MoveToSwitzerlandYouNeutralD-Bags.

But I'm glad to have done my civic duty.