The Daily Word in Genius, Roller Skates and Trump on Acid

The Daily Word

Self-defense shootings ("justifiable homicides") almost doubled in ABQ last year. A staggering 8! I recommend locking your doors and being distrustful of anyone outside of your immediate family.

Some dummies go to trial after breaking off King Tut's beard and trying to glue it back on.

Author Eric Weiner (no relation) says if you want to make a genius, you need a city with lots of bars and coffee houses, but not too many parents. Oh. And earth-shattering catastrophes help, too.

Weather Warning: X-Files premieres tonight after more than a decade. Nerds prepare for loss of control over all bodily functions. Wear galoshes.

Roller skating is a thing in ABQ once more. It's good to know that junior-high kids will have a place to make out.

There's one thing that keeps me up at night, nursing my regret: I've never been to a Donald Trump rally on acid. Thank you, internet.

Psychiatrists at Columbia University suggest that schizophrenia can be diagnosed earlier by listening to a patient's use of language.

Authorities scramble to rescue two separate groups of lost hikers in the Sandias. Our thoughts go with them.