The Daily Word in Stoned Nuns, Killer Suns and Fairy Guns

The Daily Word

The sun could easily decide to go all superflare on our asses and screw up pretty much everything... But it probably won't.

Two Italian archaeologists have figured out what Jesus ate at the Last Supper. I smell the ultimate murder mystery dinner theater.

The city had crews out yesterday hunting down rabid troupes of tumbleweeds. I'm still crossing my fingers that a video will pop up of a city worker chasing down a loose one—in double-speed with the Benny Hill song in the background.

Not all corporate mascots can be as attractively designed and congenially mannered as Ronald McDonald or Toucan Sam. Take a look at the completely uninspired Bill Ding—mascot of a chain of construction supply stores in the 50's.

A 3D X-ray imaging technique has been used to decipher charred scrolls discovered in the mess left behind the eruption of Mount Vesuvius in AD79. While hunting for legible text, physicists discovered lead, pushing the date of the first known use of metallic ink back four centuries!

Last Friday in White Sands, the Army successfully tested out a new badass multi-mission missile launcher which can fire all sorts of different ammo types. Yippee! Remember kids: when you wish upon a Longbow Hellfire missile, your military industrial murder dreams come true!

The NRA has published its first reimagined fairy tales:” Little Red Riding Hood (Has a Gun)” and “Hansel and Gretel (Have Guns).” “The wolf leaned in, jaws open wide, then stopped suddenly. Those big ears heard the unmistakable sound of a shotgun's safety being clicked off.” Nuff said.

A rare bread mold can be used to produce a material that will change the future of rechargeable batteries. I hear bread mold gets you high, too.

Check out this awesome photography collection of Californian nuns growing dope by Shaughn Crawford and John Dubois. Praise Him!

A Las Cruces Unitarian church got a cinder block through their window after putting up “Black Lives Matter” signs. Sometimes, it's hard to remember that we're living in the twenty-first century.