The Daily Word in Mindful Cops, Time Space Distortions and Inky's Escape

The Daily Word

Inky the octopus managed to pull off a daring escape from a New Zealand aquarium by squeezing through a gap at the top of his tank and slithering eight feet across the floor to a drain pipe that led to the ocean. Gangsta!

New Mexican's Steve Terrell tells us how the state's Republicans are embracing the idea of legal pot. I have to go knock wood real quick and throw a salt shaker over my shoulder with my fingers and toes crossed. Excuse me.

NASA has publicly stated that so-called “Planet 9” is not affecting the orbit of the Cassini space probe. Nevertheless, everyone in the tin-foil hat community already knows it's the long-awaited return of Niburu, the rogue planet. And aliens.

Holly Holm threw out the first pitch at yesterday's Isotopes game as part of a fund-raising event for the Boys and Girls club. No one is blaming the loss of the team's winning streak on her outside pitch. No one.

Check out these Canadian cops meditating. That's right. Peel Regional Police are trying out some new training methods. Somebody needs to pass this on to APD.

A dark matter dwarf galaxy was discovered hiding inside a space time distortion. If you understood that sentence, you might be a character from a bad sci-fi novel.

Still reeling from two violent earthquakes, some Japanese residents were surprised to find their streets filling up with a mysterious foam.

Check out these two assholes claiming to be APD and kicking in a person's door before robbing them. Both men were armed and brazen as hell. There's some pretty good shots of the creeps, so take a look and see if you know them.