Alibi Bucks
<< back to index

Stuff Albuquerque Needs


Mini golf can be educational

I love the not-summer. It's 70-some degrees, sunny, with tiny little rain showers to cool us down. Thank you, Albuquerque.

But is Albuquerque all she can be? I think not, but let us not blame our fair Duchess (Albuquerque is definitely a woman, but that's another blog). We have a responsibility to contribute to the awesome-ification of Dona Burque. Consider, then, these suggestions:

1. More miniature golf. There are only three places to partake in my second-favorite diminutive version of sports: Putt-Putt, Golfernoggins, and Hinkle. Putt-Putt and Hinkle are boring, as there are no windmills or pirate ships or caves or anything. Just holes. And Golfernoggins scares the crap out of me, largely because its logo consists of a animated golfball, and I hate it when inanimate objects have eyes. Why are we, a place with much-touted perfect weather, not home to the best miniature golf courses in the world? How hard is it? Is it themes? Here's some: Red-Light Districts of the World, Communist Rulers, Star Warz (with a Z to avoid lawsuits). I just made all of those up. See?


2. Doughnuts. Holy shit, I love doughnuts. You know who else loves doughnuts? Everybody. Marketing solved. Unfortunately, there's only Dunkin Donuts, which tastes like candles. This is retarded.

3. Dive bars that don't show sports that I'm not afraid to go into. Many cities have what I'll call your middling dive bars: not swanky, but that rate low on the shanking-probability scale. Yes, we have some. Like three, right? So everyone goes to those three, which sucks because one of the biggest reasons to go to a divey bar is to get drunk anonymously, which is hard when you run into co-workers, former lovers, and Marty Chavez.

4. Russians. None of our signs are in Cyrillic. That's bullshit.

NEWSLETTERS Great Alibi stories, events and deals delivered to your inbox each week. No fooling!
View desktop version