Alibi V.28 No.30 • July 25-31, 2019 

Cannabis Manual

A Cool Burn

How to elevate your summer

That rough beast known as summer has once again slouched toward Albuquerque, leaving puddles of sweat in its wake. You’ll never need cannabis more than during these sloppy, slick days that make your skeleton want to jump out of your skin and go running through the sprinklers.

Welcome back, dear reader, to another installment of Weekly Alibi’s Cannabis Manual. We’re hot. We’re sticky. And we’re here with your guide to beating the ugly high desert heat.

It’s common knowledge (read: widely repeated knowledge) that increases in temperature correspond with higher murder rates. According to a paper called “Does Temperature Affect Homicide Rate?,” published in the Journal of Climatology & Weather Forecasting, warming trends in rugged areas—such as deserts and mountains—seem to have a connection with homicide patterns. This makes us wonder about the local uptick in violent crime and the oddly warmer summers of the past few years here in this mountainous desert region.

Fixing the weather may prove problematic for our elected leaders—a recent petition asking the governor to divert state funds for construction of a giant sun blocker àla “The Simpsons” was apparently ignored—but we can do our part in the fight against violent crime by learning how to chill the heck out.

For starters, let’s get out of the sun and pack a heady bowl of our favorite flower. Cannabis has made a name for itself as a drug with both analgesic and anti-inflammatory properties, but it’s probably best known for its ability to enhance mood and relieve tension. Finding the right strain—one that mellows you out when you need time off from heat-induced rage—is half the battle. Check out our recommended summer strain list if you need some direction or inspiration, but remember: When in doubt, follow your nose. Go with the stain that smells right to you—one that makes the corners of your mouth curl up in something resembling a smile.

Once you’ve decided on a strain, settle into the coolest spot in your house with a full bowl in hand and spread this copy of the Cannabis Manual out in front of you. We find that nothing soothes the heat-weary mind like some crisp, refreshing knowledge, and sweet jumping Jesus, do we have knowledge for you!

An ancient proverb says that idle hands are the devil’s workshop (or is it plaything?), and idle brains are his funky discotheque. So we have pulled out all the stops this season to find sweet nuggets of wisdom for you to chew on while your neighbors descend into smoldering madness.

Take your time, and savor the morsels ... ’cause the summer is long and hot.

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