Alibi Volume 14, Number 48
December 1, 2005
Hey, egghead, have we got a treat for you. If you can complete these 20 questions correctly and turn them in sooner than anyone else along with a completed angry monkey puzzle (see facing page), you will be rewarded with a jaw-dropping jackpot of fabulous prizes, including a $15 gift certificate to Bookworks, a "mystery" gift certificate to Mecca Records, a whopping $100 gift certificate to the District, a box of Belgian chocolates from Wild Oats, an Alibi T-shirt, and last but certainly not least, an official Alibi flyswatter that will make you the envy of all your fellow eggheads.
Is your name Linthor, the High Unicorn of the Known Seven Realms of Strandall?
Is there only one of you?
Are you a horse, but gay?
Are you pure and good?
Do you have a mane of snowy white with lavender highlights?
Yes! But maybe no.
Do you game?
If you do game, do you have a Level 60 Night Elf Mage?
Are sweats your "uniform”?
Do you juggle or practice magic?
Do you Do the Dew?
Do you believe in fairies or unicorns?
Do you answer to a self-given nickname like Vinnie the Torch?
The entire staff of the Alibi took the following quiz, and to our dismay the answer is yes—yes, we are all going to hell. I, for one, don't care. It's going to be a party down there complete with delicious pelican meat.
Choose the answer that most closely applies to your guy.
1. You met him _______.
a.) in your dreams
b.) while on a bender
c.) on a dark and stormy night
2. When you go out on dates _______.
a.) his teeth sparkle and his ponytail gleams
b.) it's always slightly uncomfortable
c.) chicken fries are usually involved
3. He spends his free time _______.
a.) getting kittens out of trees
b.) working on his look
c.) kicking around the hack
4. Bedtime is the right time for _______.
a.) magic and tenderness
b.) moderate satisfaction
5. If he were an art movement he'd be ______.
a.) neoclassical; noble and tasteful
b.) impressionism; widely reproduced
c.) claymation; not even an art movement
6. His main form of transportation is ______.
a.) his pet pegasus
b.) a dune buggy
c.) your car
7. If he were an animal he'd be ______.
a.) a ferocious lion with a heart of gold
b.) a kitty cat
c.) dead, inedible chicken fries
8. His future plans include ______.
a.) mastering human flight
c.) Steel Reserve
9. He plans to accrue wealth through ______.
a.) his breakthrough concepts on human existence
c.) winning big on scratchers
10. Your relationship will be history when ______.
a.) he meets the long sleep of death
b.) like clear Pepsi, his charms fizzle out
c.) a blonde stripper named Krystal comes into the picture
A recent report shows that the Rio Grande is dirtier than we thought
The main physical circumstances of the Rio Grande seem timeless and impersonal. They assume meaning only in terms of people who came to the river.
Council president Brad Winter began the Nov. 21 meeting by presenting engraved Nambé ware platters to departing councilors Miguel Gómez and Tina Cummins. Cummins, who said she would be seeing the other councilors often but wouldn't miss council meetings, left shortly after.
The City Council will soon debate Albuquerque's nuclear weapons
You can bet that the pamphlets and the website information circulated by the Albuquerque Chamber of Commerce to prospective residents or business people interested in relocating here don't mention our weapons of mass destruction.
Three things you can do to continue the legacy of a civil rights icon
Sitting on the red cushioned bench, the sound of all the people singing filled the room like a thick, warm blanket. At that moment there was nowhere else I would have wanted to be—I was in a perfect state of comfort. The keyboards and the drums accompanied the voices belting out lyrics like, “Lord, do it for me right now.”
Dateline: Scotland—A real estate developer in central Scotland has had to scrap plans for a new housing development thanks to an alleged colony of fairies. Marcus Salter, head of Genesis Properties, says that a small group of villagers in St. Fillans, Perthshire, has protested his development plans, saying they would “harm the fairies.” Troubles began when Salter's company sent a bulldozer crew to begin work on the site just outside the village, overlooking the eastern shore of Loch Earn. Salter told The Times, “A neighbor came over shouting, ’Don't move that rock. You'll kill the fairies.'” Genesis Properties later received a series of phone calls saying their work was disturbing the local fairies. Salter tried to appease the locals by working around the disputed rock, upon which many locals believe ancient Pictish kings were crowned, but villagers continued to complain that the fairies would be “upset” by the work. “I went to a meeting of the community council and the concerns cropped up there,” Salter told reporters. The council was even considering lodging a complaint with the planning authority, likely to be the kiss of death for a housing development in a national park. “I do believe in fairies, but I can't be sure they live under that rock,” Council Chairman Jeannie Fox told The Times. Nonetheless, Fox believes the stone should remain unmolested. “There are a lot of superstitions going about up here and people do believe that things like standing stones and large rocks should never be moved.” Salter's new plans are to center the estate around a small park, in the middle of which will stand the disputed rock. He estimates that the fairy dispute has cost him some $30,000.
Ski Lift Cinema—If you're a hardcore, mountain-thrashing, extreme winter sports enthusiast, then the name Warren Miller should ring a few bells. This weekend, Jeep and REI Sports will present Warren Miller's latest ski/snowboard opus Higher Ground. The documentary will play Friday and Saturday, Dec. 2 and 3, at the KiMo Theater. Show starts at 7 p.m. both nights. There will be displays in the KiMo lobby from regional ski areas just to whet your appetite. Tickets are $10 and are available at Ticketmaster, the KiMo box office and REI.
Bittersweet divorce drama leavens personal tragedy with private humor
According to statistics, roughly half of all modern marriages end in divorce. It would seem, then, that there are a lot of people wandering this Earth who can sympathize with a film that explores the repercussions of divorce. More, I would guess, than can sympathize with a movie about futuristic Marines battling demonic mutants on the surface of Mars.
Terror Beneath The Sea (1966)
I definitely have a warm place in my heart for old-school Japanese-American film collaborations. The Manster? Pure genius. Green Slime? Now that's quality entertainment. So when you throw mutant gill-men, secret agent-style hijinks and freakin' Sonny Chiba into that mix, well, now you're speaking my language. That's exactly what we get in the officially-released-for-the-first-time-ever Terror Beneath The Sea. And to top it all off, it was directed by none other than Hajime Sato, the same twisted bastard who brought us the acid-trip on celluloid known as Goke, Body Snatcher From Hell. (Loyal Alibi Midnight Movie Madness patrons are still recovering from that bad boy!)
“Entertainment Tonight” in syndication
Sometimes it's just time to bow out gracefully, to exit the stage with a bit of your dignity left. Johnny Carson retired just as his punchlines were teetering on the edge of self-parody. Jerry Seinfeld cut and run while his eponymous sitcom was at the top of the ratings heap. Hell, even “Star Trek: The Next Generation” warped out on a high note.
The Week in Sloth
The One Question IQ Test—What's the best album of all time, in five words or less? If you can answer this deceptively simple query correctly, you'll prove yourself to be the total musical genius you always thought you were. And if you reveal the identities of this week's three Sonic Reducer "Mystery Albums" (answers must include the artist's name, album title and record company of each), as well as the answer to our Flyer on the Wall Brain Tickler, you can also win an Alibi local music starter kit. That includes every album ever released by Socyermom Records (in the neighborhood of 15 albums, including the new Rock Outside The Box Vol. 2, and the much-coveted Ouch! compilation), three Detach Records releases, a Romeo Goes To Hell shirt and 25 local band buttons from rockstar clothiers I Heart Machine. We'll even throw in two tickets to Hella, a cool/weird electronic band off the Kill Rockstars label, who'll perform at the Launchpad on Thursday, Dec. 15. The first to e-mail the correct batch of answers (again: One Question IQ Test, Sonic Reducer Mystery Albums and the Flyer on the Wall Brain Tickler) to firstname.lastname@example.org wins the booty. Which is not as sweet as my booty, but it's still pretty fantastic.
The many musical chairs of Burque's most exciting new jazz troupe
If you really want to understand what it's like talking with the members of Jetpack Rental, just find the nearest 10 year old and give him a Red Bull, a candy bar and a twisted appreciation for music that borders on insanity.
Burque's original sisters of rock play their first hometown show in two years
Laura, Lisa and Gel are so goddamned cool. Which, according to the laws of physics, should make them catty and sarcastic, but they're not. The Eyeliners are sweet as sugar pie. They're also talented, road-scarred workaholics and their band, The Eyeliners, is a cornerstone in Albuquerque's hard-won legacy of great local rock and roll. I caught up with Gel, guitarist of the Eyeliners sisters, as they passed through Soccoro this summer on the Warped Tour. You can check them out right here in Burque, though, as The Eyeliners headline an all-ages show at the Launchpad on Friday, Dec. 2. They'll play with Stabbed in Back, The Visects and The Rumfits. Doors open at 8 p.m. A donation of nonperishable food items gets you in. Merry Xmas, boys and girls.
with Sleestaks, Mrs. Garrett and Deveat
Saturday, Dec. 3; Atomic Cantina (21-and-over), free: Seis Pistos are from Chihuahua, Mexico, where the locals' overwhelming musical preference lies in traditional ranchero songs and cumbias. But, given the increasingly borderless global society we all inhabit, that's starting to change: A performance at a 2004 Toronto music conference drove the point home when these Latin-alternative punks earned a near-perfect score of 99 out of 100. Ay-yay-yay!
I paid a visit to DJ Wataso while he was getting ready for his upcoming birthday show with CrazyFool and Felonious Groove Foundation at the District on Friday, Dec. 2. "How many people live in this tiny, one bedroom apartment?" I wondered aloud. "Three," he replied, not even looking up from his turntables. "How old are you all?" I asked, looking around his sloppy digs. "Come Friday, the product of our ages will be 225, while the sum is the same as the apartment number we're in, which is 31," he replied. "Well, are you the oldest?" I asked. "Why yes, I am," he responded. So, how old will DJ Wataso turn this Friday? (LM)
Art 'Round Every Corner—It's an especially groovy weekend for new exhibits here in Albuquerque. First off, over at Sol Arts (712 Central SE), there'll be a special comics extravaganza on Saturday, Dec. 3, to benefit Sweet Seven Thousands Baaad Assss Comics, a collective of Northern New Mexico writers and artists all of whom are interested in promoting the medium of comics. The event runs from noon to 6 p.m. For a mere $5, you'll get a full afternoon of entertainment including everything from music, poetry, film, video and caricatures to haircuts by the Blue Monkey School of Cosmetology. (I'm not sure what that's about.) For details, call 244-0049.
¡Zapata Vive! at the Jonson Gallery
In 1919, Emiliano Zapata—horse trainer, sharecropper and leader of the Liberation Army of the South—fell into a trap and was killed by Mexican troops. The only photographs taken of Zapata without his permission were of his dead body, dumped on the street by Venustiano Carranza's constitutionalists. Overnight, he became a martyr. Nearly a century later, images of Zapata are still used in art and political propaganda, often as a revolutionary symbol of the rights of the poor and voiceless.
All Over Albuquerque
Galleries across the entire city open their doors to the public this Friday evening for a citywide Artscrawl gallery tour. As always, this presents a fine opportunity to catch a bunch of smokin' hot new exhibits in a single evening while mingling with artists and gobbling a few snackedy-snacks while you're at it. Put on that top hat and tails, and hit the town. The tour runs from 5 to 9 p.m. For the full roster of participating galleries, call 244-0362 or go to artscrawlabq.org.
Tricklock Performance Space
The new production opening this weekend at the Tricklock Performance Space will provide audiences with a rare chance to see Shenoah Allen and Mark Chavez clothed in something other than pajamas. The comedy duo known as The Pajama Men have teamed up for a different kind of project in Love & Beauty, "a comic massacre" that evolved out of a Tricklock show from a couple years ago called Dandelion Clockwork. You will laugh. You will wince. You will wish you'd worn a plastic raincoat to protect your clothes from a rainstorm of blood and gore. Thursday through Saturday at 8 p.m. Sunday at 6 p.m. $15 general, $12 students/seniors. Thursday, Dec. 1, is a student rush performance. (Tickets are $8 with valid ID.) Friday, Dec. 2, is the catered opening night gala. (Eats and treats at 8 p.m. Curtain at 9 p.m. All tickets $20.) 254-8393.
Ninja Sushi is Under New Management—Yun-Hee Kirson recently took over the Japanese restaurant that sits on the Northeast corner of San Pedro and Montgomery, while her brother, James Oh, is stepping up behind the line. Yun-Hee says James, a former Samurai Grill sushi chef, has a wonderful repertoire of new and traditional sushi creations to offer the restaurant. The pair plan to change the name of the restaurant to Midori—the Japanese word for "green," and a popular woman's name in Japan. Ninja Sushi is closed Sunday mornings and Mondays, and open for lunch on weekdays from 11:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. Dinner is served from 5 to 9:30 p.m. on weekdays, or until 10 p.m. on Fridays and Saturdays. Call 830-2507 to your order in.
Are you a bonafide gastronomical sleuth? Test your noodle with these food-based brainteasers and find out! Answer the trivia questions on the first page of the Food Section, then match each down-market beer with its corresponding slogan on this page. Mail both sets of answers to “Food Quiz” at 2118 Central SE PMB 151, Albuquerque, N.M., 87106. The first person to correctly answer the trivia and match the beer will win a fabulous pile of prizes, including two $25 Wild Oats gift certificates (a combined value of $50), a box of Wild Oats brand natural Belgian Chocolates and a FirmGrip Straight Peeler by Edge Resources.
1. What is the name of the reaction that causes onions to change colors when cooked and turns the natural sulfurs into sugars?
A. The Pavlov reaction
B. The Maillard reaction
C. The Brown reaction
D. The Anthocyanin reaction
2. The flavor of mushrooms is caused by this naturally-occurring acid:
A. sulfuric acid
B. salicylic acid
C. glutamic acid
D. lysergic acid
3. Green spots on potatoes are caused by overexposure to which element?
4. What percentage of beef cows in the United States are given growth hormones?
A. 40 percent
B. 50 percent
C. 70 percent
D. 90 percent
5. In what year were potato chips invented?
The folksy charm of a day on the farm
Where in this city can you find handmade local crafts and a hot, juicy steak sandwich in the same place? Hannah and Nate's is a Westside one-stop shop for both farm-cottage décor and killer sandwiches and salads. And if you catch her at the right moment, Megan the server will sing for your entertainment.