Alibi V.14 No.20 • May 19-25, 2005 

Feature: Film Guide

Star Wars Summer Film Guide

May 19

Star Wars: Episode III--Revenge of the Sith
Director: George Lucas
Stars: Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Samuel L. Jackson
Plot: That cute little snot from Phantom Menace finally grows up into Darth Vader. It's about time, too. Lucas promises this PG-13-rated film is darker and more serious than its predecessors.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Darth Vader, of course, the biggest, baddest, most unstoppable force in the universe. Like Vader, this film has the potential for great good, or great evil. (20th Century Fox Film)

May 27

The Longest Yard
Director: Peter Segal
Stars: Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Burt Reynolds
Plot: A comic remake of the '70s hit about a bunch of prisoners who battle their guards in a full-contact football game.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Darth Maul. It looks cool from a distance, but this evil construct is simply a rehash of something that was done much better a long time ago. (Paramount)

Director: Eric Darnell, Tom McGrath
Voices of: Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, Davin Schwimmer, Jada Pinkett Smith, Andy Richter
The Plot: A bunch of coddled New York City Zoo animals find themselves stranded in the titular wilds.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Seeing as how he's also a computer-generated cartoon, we'll say Jar-Jar Binks--though this film would be hard-pressed to be quite as annoying. (Dreamworks)

Saving Face
Director: Alice Wu
Stars: Joan Chen, Michelle Krusiec, Lynn Chen
The Plot: A Chinese-American lesbian and her traditional mother clash over life and love.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Somber Uncle Owen Lars, with whom Luke has a clash over lifestyle choices (although Luke's choice doesn't exactly involve homosexuality). (Sony Pictures Classics)

June 1

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Director: Ken Kwapis
Stars: Alexis Bledel, Amber Tamblyn, Bradley Whitford
The Plot: Four best girlfriends stay in contact after high school by sharing one pair of “lucky” pants. Based on Ann Brashares' hit novel.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Queen Amidala--the Star Wars equivalent of a Barbie doll. (Warner Brothers)

June 3

Lords of Dogtown
Director: Catherine Harwicke
Stars: Heath Ledger
The Plot: A fictional remake of the documentary Dogtown and Z-Boys, tracing the development of the radical “vertical” skateboarding style in Southern California back in the '70s.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Sebulba, the alien with the bad attitude who does his best to crush goody-goody Ani Skywalker in Phantom's wicked cool pod race. (Sony Pictures Entertainment)

High Tension
Director: Alexandre Aja
Stars: Cecile De Grance, Maiwenn Le Besco
The Plot: Two college gals, off in the country for a vacation, run afoul of a grisly serial killer ... a grisly French serial killer at that!
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Bib Fortuna, Jabba the Hutt's tentacle-headed second-in-command. He's creepy and he talks in a funny foreign language. (Lions Gate)

Mad Hot Ballroom
Director: Marilyn Agrelo
The Plot: This documentary follows 11-year-old schoolkids into the world of competative ballroom dancing.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Oola, the beautiful female dancer in Jabba's palace--although she had fewer clothes on than most of these kids do. (Paramount Classics)

Aprés Vous...
Director: Pierre Salvadori
Stars: Daniel Auteuil, José Garcia
The Plot: A Frenchman saves a man from committing suicide and then finds himself stuck in a love triangle with the suicidal gent and his own girlfriend.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Dr. Evazan, the trash-talking guy in the Mos Eisley cantina who picks a fight with Ben Kenobi and gets his pal's arm cut off. (Paramount Classics)

Cinderella Man
Director: Ron Howard
Stars: Russell Crowe, Renee Zellweger
The Plot: This is the true story of Jim Braddock, an aging Depression-era boxer who made an incredible comeback and became a folk hero.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Old Ben Kenobi (Sir Alec Guiness). He looks like an old guy but, in the end, he's pretty impressive in a fight. (Universal Pictures)

June 10

The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3-D
Director: Robert Rodriguez
Stars: David Arquette, Kristin Davis
The Plot: A young boy's imaginary superhero friends come to life and join him on a series of adventures (in 3-D, even).
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Did you know that there's a 3-D Star Wars ride at Disneyworld? Sadly, it doesn't have any actual characters in it. (Dimension Films)

Director: Chris Terrio
Stars: Glenn Close, Elizabeth Banks
The Plot: Another one of those ensemble dramas (like Magnolia) in which the lives of some random people (in this case, New Yorkers) intersect over the course of 24 hours.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Senator Bail Organa (Jimmy Smits). He's serious, dramatic, well-acted--but when he's surrounded by explosions and space aliens, he's pretty hard to notice. (Sony Pictures Classics)

The Honeymooners
Director: John Schultz
Stars: Cedric the Entertainer, Mike Epps
The Plot: The classic '50s TV characters are back. And this time, they're black! ... Boy, there better be more to it than that.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Lando Calrissian. When you think about it, he's really just Han Solo with a tan. (Paramount)

Howl's Moving Castle
Director: Hayao Miyazaki
Voices of: Christian Bale, Jean Simmons
The Plot: In this fantasy film from Japan's greatest animator, an 18-year-old girl becomes trapped in the body of an old woman and ventures to a notorious wizard's castle looking for a cure.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Mungo Baobab, little-known hero of the “Droids” cartoon series. He was cool. Really. (Buena Vista)

Mr. and Mrs. Smith
Director: Doug Liman
Stars: Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Vince Vaughn, Adam Brody
The Plot: Unbeknownst to one another, a husband-and-wife duo are actually competing assassins who have just been hired to kill one another.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Boba Fett. Star Wars' head assassin may not be as sexy as Brad and Angelina, but he sure looks hot holding a gun. (20th Century Fox)

June 15

Batman Begins
Director: Christopher Nolan
Stars: Christian Bale, Cillian Murphy, Michael Caine, Katie Holmes
The Plot: Heading back to the early days, this superhero flick tells us how young Bruce Wayne transformed himself into the Dark Knight of Gotham City.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Han Solo. This tough, cool anti-hero may not be the main draw of the summer, but most people end up liking him better. (Warner Brothers)

June 17

Rock School
Director: Don Argott
The Plot: Remember School of Rock? Well, this is the same thing, only it's a documentary.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Max Rebo, the band leader from Return of the Jedi. He's cute and he can bang out a tune. (Newmarket Films)

The Perfect Man
Director: Mark Rosman
Stars: Chris Noth, Heather Locklear, Hillary Duff
The Plot: Two teens try to boost their divorced mom's self-esteem with a series of fake love letters. Hijinks ensue, of course, when they're forced to “hire” a flesh-and-blood suitor.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Padme Naberrie, handmaiden to Queen Amidala, who--in a shocking twist of fakery--turns out to be Queen Amidala in disguise. (Universal Pictures)

June 24

George Romero's Land of the Dead
Director: George Romero
Stars: Dennis Hopper, Asia Argento, John Leguizamo
The Plot: Zombies have taken over the planet and the last remnants of humanity are holed up in a gated community fighting for survival.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: The Rancor, a hideous cannibalistic monster that lives in Jabba the Hutt's basement and devours pig-faced Gammorean Guards, dancing girls and other tasty morsels alive. (Universal Pictures)

Herbie: Fully Loaded
Director: Angela Robinson
Stars: Lindsay Lohan, Breckin Meyer, Justin Long
The Plot: The Love Bug is back, and this time he's being driven around the track by lovely Lindsay Lohan. (Man, that beats Dean Jones any day of the week.)
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: R2-D2, cute little mechanical guy who provides plenty of comic relief. (Buena Vista)

Director: David LaChapelle
The Plot: This documentary looks at a hip-hop dance craze you've probably never heard of: krumping. Kids dress like clowns and act like epileptics. It's all the rage. In L.A. anyway.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Droopy “Snit” McCool, the lead horn-blower in Max Rebo's band. Silly looking, but cool. (It says so in his name.) (Lions Gate)

Director: Sally Potter
Stars: Joan Allen, Simon Abkarian
The Plot: A married female scientist begins a passionate affair with a Middle Eastern man, leaving a trail of heartbreak around the world.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Shmi Skywalker, Anakin's poor, enslaved (and ultimately dead) mother. A bit of a downer, frankly. (Sony Pictures Classics)

Director: Nora Ephron
Stars: Will Farrell, Nicole Kidman
The Plot: The classic TV show gets all post-modern as a Hollywood exec tries to make a feature film version of the old sitcom and inadvertently hires a real witch to play the role of Samantha.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Yoda, the resident wizard in the Star Wars universe. He's cute, but not as cute as Nicole Kidman. (Sony Pictures Entertainment)

June 29

War of the Worlds
Director: Steven Spielberg
Stars: Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, Tim Robbins
The Plot: H.G. Wells' classic novel of alien invasion gets a modern-day update courtesy of Mr. Close Encounters himself.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Qui-Gon Jinn (Liam Neeson). Certainly one of the bigger powerhouse heroes in the Star Wars universe, but ultimately eclipsed by younger, hipper heroes. (Paramount)

July 1

Director: Steve Carr
Stars: Martin Lawrence, Brecklin Meyer
The Plot: A famous college basketball coach is reduced to teaching junior varsity after a public scandal.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Nien Nunb, jowly mouse-eyed midget who, somehow, found himself co-piloting the Millennium Falcon during the second attack on the Death Star. I guess nobody else answered the phone that day. (20th Century Fox Pictures)

Director: Michael and Peter Spierig
Stars: Felicity Mason, Mungo McKay
The Plot: In a rural Australian town, a nutty hunter and a bunch of comic locals fight off a zombie plague from outer space.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: The trash compactor monster from A New Hope--scary, but the cause of some of the funniest jokes in the film. (Lions Gate)

July 8

Dark Water
Director: Walter Salles
Stars: Jennifer Connelly, John C. Reilly
The Plot: In this remake of a popular Japanese horror flick, a single mother moves into a crumbling apartment complex and begins to experience ghostly watery omens.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Grand Moff Tarkin (Peter Cushing), the creepy guy who hangs around in the background of A New Hope, adding drama and menace. (Buena Vista)

Fantastic Four
Director: Tim Story
Stars: Jessica Alba, Michael Chiklis
The Plot: Four scientists travel into outer space and return endowed with superpowers.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Luke Skywalker, the ordinary kid who dreams of saving the universe. He's a hero, ultimately, but he's still a little dorky. (20th Century Fox)

Director: Ingmar Bergman
Stars: Liv Ullmann
The Plot: In Bergman's last film ever, a woman decides to visit her ex-husband and arrives in the midst of a family crisis.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: The glum (and ultimately doomed) matriarch of A New Hope, Aunt Beru Lars. (Sony Pictures Classics)

July 13

Hustle & Flow
Director: Craig Brewer
Stars: Terrence Dashon Howard, DJ Qualls, Ludacris
The Plot: This surprise Sundance hit spins the tale of a middle-aged pimp who decides to change careers and become a rap star.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Star Wars' resident pimp, Jabba the Hutt. (MTV Films)

July 15

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Director: Tim Burton
Stars: Johnny Depp, Freddie Highmore
The Plot: Roald Dahl's classic kids novel gets a new candy coating, courtesy of master fantasist Tim Burton.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Shave an Ewok and what do you get? Those tuneful little Oompa-Loompas. Little known secret. (Warner Brothers)

Happy Endings
Director: Don Roos
Stars: Lisa Kudrow, Maggie Gyllenhaal
The Plot: Ten different stories intersect in this ensemble drama/comedy about life, love and family.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Good, reliable, largely invisible old Wedge Antilles. Hardly anybody notices him standing next to Luke Skywalker and Han Solo, but he survived pitched battles in Hope, Empire and Jedi. (Lions Gate)

The Warrior
Director: Asif Kapadia
Stars: Irfan Kahn, Noor Mani
The Plot: In feudal India, a lifelong warrior renounces his job with a local warlord and finds himself the target of a deadly hunt in the Himalayas.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Kit Fisto, one of the most exotic-looking members of the Jedi Council, who leads forces against the Geonosians and the Clone Troopers. (Miramax)

Wedding Crashers
Director: David Dobkin
Stars: Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson
The Plot: A pair of committed womanizers spend their days sneaking into weddings to hit on bridesmaids. Their relationship becomes strained, however, when one of them makes the mistake of falling in love.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Han Solo and Lando Calrissian, who--in their early days--were undoubtedly the players of the Star Wars universe. Then Solo had to get all mushy and fall for Leia. (New Line Cinema)

July 22

Director: Henry Alex Rubin
The Plot: This raucous documentary explores the surprisingly rough sport of paraplegic dodgeball.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Emperor Palpatine/Darth Sidious (Ian McDiarmid) who spends most of his time sitting in a floating chair, but still kicks major ass. (ThinkFilm)

An Unfinished Life
Director: Lasse Hallstrom
Stars: Robert Redford, Jennifer Lopez, Morgan Freeman
The Plot: A down-on her-luck woman, desperate to care for her daughter, moves in with her estranged father-in-law. Bonding, crying and several bouts of healing ensue.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Mon Mothma, serious female senator who provides strong narrative links between the films. Still, she doesn't have a lightsaber, so who cares? (Miramax)

Bad News Bears
Director: Richard Linklater
Stars: Billy Bob Thorton, Greg Kinnear
The Plot: America's favorite foulmouthed Little Leaguers are back as yet another '70s classic steps up to the plate for a remake.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Those thieving, foul-mouthed (trust me), trouble-making munchkins, the Jawas. (Paramount Pictures)

Deep Blue
Director: Andy Byatt, Alastair Fothergill
The Plot: Michael Gambon narrates this natural history of the Earth's oceans.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Lobot, the no-doubt knowlegeable right-hand administrator of Lando Calrissian's Cloud City. Also, the most boring action figure ever. (Miramax)

The Devil's Rejects
Director: Rob Zombie
Stars: Sid Haig, Rosario Dawson
The Plot: In this sequel to House of 1,000 Corpses, the serial-killing family goes on a cross-country murder spree.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Bossk, ugly bounty-hunting monster who lives under the constant shadow of more popular Boba Fett. Still, he's got his fans. (Lions Gate)

The Island
Director: Michael Bay
Stars: Ewan McGregor, Scarlett Johansson, Djimon Hounsou
The Plot: In the future, a man goes on the run after he discovers he's actually a clone created to be harvested for his organs.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Young Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor), because he looks a hell of a lot like the main character in this movie. (Warner Brothers)

Last Days
Director: Gus Van Sant
Stars: Michael Pitt, Asia Argento
The Plot: A Seattle rock and roller lives a lifestyle that mirrors that of doomed musician Kurt Cobain.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Biggs Darklighter, old school space stud (and idol to Luke Skywalker) who goes down in flames attacking the first Death Star. (Fine Line Features)

July 29

Director: Rob Cohen
Stars: Josh Lucas, Jessica Biel, Jamie Foxx
The Plot: The military builds the world's smartest, computer-controlled warplane. Wouldn't you know it? It goes on a killing spree.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: General Grievous, the mechanized killing machine from Revenge of the Sith. (Columbia Pictures)

The Brothers Grimm
Director: Terry Gilliam
Stars: Matt Damon, Heath Ledger, Jonathan Pryce
The Plot: The famed storytelling duo are prevailed upon to become real heroes when they become wrapped up in a fairy tale curse.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: R2-D2 and C-3PO, hapless sidekicks who become wrapped up in an epic fairy tale. (Dimension)

Must Love Dogs
Director: Gary David Goldberg
Stars: John Cusack, Diane Lane
The Plot: A fortysomething pre-school teacher decides it's time for a change of pace and a new relationship.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Princess Leia. She appeals mostly to the gals in the crowd, but she can hold her own against the big boys. (Warner Brothers)

Night Watch
Director: Timur Bekmambetov
Stars: Konstantin Khabensky
The Plot: In this sci-fi fairytale, the forces of daytime and the forces of nighttime do battle in modern-day Russia.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen), who's stuck in his own battle between the forces of light and dark. (Fox Searchlight Pictures)

Sky High
Director: Mike Mitchell
Stars: Kelly Preston, Kurt Russell
The Plot: An awkward young boy going to a special school for superheroes tries to deal with the fact that his parents are the two biggest heroes on Earth.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Young Ani Skywalker's little friend Kitster, who got left behind on Tatooine and probably grew up to be an alcoholic landspeeder mechanic. (Buena Vista)

August 5

The Chumscrubber
Director: Arie Posin
Stars: Ralph Fiennes, Jamie Bell, Glenn Close
The Plot: In this dark satire on suburban life, a high school boy tries to ignore his best friend's suicide.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Admiral Motti, the petulant commander choked by Darth Vader in A New Hope. Like many teenagers, he became bitter after that and hated authority. (Newmarket Films)

Director: Wong Kar Wai
Stars: Ziyi Zhang, Tony Leung
The Plot: In this mysterious sci-fi-ish semi-sequel to In The Mood for Love, a writer tries to pen a novel about a futuristic city, while dealing with the memory of all the women in his life.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: The midi-chlorians, microscopic, pseudo-scientific source of “The Force,” according to Phantom Menace anyway. Did this make sense to anyone? (Sony Pictures Classics)

Director: Andrezej Bartkowiak
Stars: The Rock, Rosamund Pike
The Plot: The popular video game comes to life. Wrestling thespian The Rock runs around and shoots monsters. Controller not included.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Greedo, trigger-happy bad guy who ends up gunned down in a bar. (Universal Pictures)

The Dukes of Hazzard
Director: Jay Chandrasekhar
Stars: Seann William Scott, Johnny Knoxville, Burt Reynolds, Jessica Simpson
The Plot: Them crazy Duke boys are back, jumping creeks and making trouble for Boss Hogg.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: The Dukes had the General Lee. Star Wars had The Millenium Falcon. Which one was it that completed the Kellel run in under 12 parsecs? (Warner Brothers)

Grizzly Man
Director: Werner Herzog
The Plot: This true-life documentary lays out the tale of two wildlife activists who were mauled to death while living among the grizzly bears in Alaska.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Chewbacca. Sure, he looks cuddly, but wookies have been known to rip people's arms off when they lose. (Lions Gate)

The Pink Panther
Director: Shawn Levy
Stars: Steve Martin, Beyonce Knowles, Kevin Kline, Jean Reno
The Plot: Inspector Jacques Cousteau is back on the trail of criminal evil. This time around, he's embodied by American comedian Steve Martin.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Old Anakin Skywalker (as played by Sebastian Shaw in The Return of the Jedi). Old schoolers remember who the original face of Darth Vader was. But he was digitally replaced by Hayden Christensen in the “Special Edition” of Empire. Sorry, Steve, no one can replace Peter Sellers. (Sony Pictures Studios)

Broken Flowers
Director: Jim Jarmusch
Stars: Bill Murray, Sharon Stone, Jessica Lange
The Plot: When a devoutly single swinger finds out that he may have fathered a son, he decides to travel across the country to find out which ex-girlfriend he may have impregnated.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Like Bill Murray, fish-faced Admiral Ackbar was a funny-looking guy that spent years trying to be taken seriously. (Focus Features)

Director: Mike Judge
Stars: Luke Wilson, Maya Rudolph
The Plot: An average American dude gets frozen in suspended animation and wakes up in the far-flung future where he is suddenly the smartest guy on the planet.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Han Solo (in Carbonite). Sealed up for the long journey to Jabba's palace, Han Solo spends the first chunk of Jedi as a frozen paperweight. (20th Century Fox)

August 12

The Aristocrats
Director: Paul Provenza
The Plot: This gut-busting documentary has nearly every comedian in the world telling their own particular version of what is legendarily considered the filthiest joke ever written.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Salacious Crumb, Jabba's giggling pet space monkey. If you could only understand what he was saying--man, it's some filthy stuff. (ThinkFilm)

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
Director: Mike Bigelow
Stars: Rob Schneider, Eddie Griffin
The Plot: Schneider is back for more smirking sex jokes. This time, though, he's in Europe. How sophisticated.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Watto, crass alien stereotype from Phantom. Funny to some people. Offensive to others. (Columbia Pictures)

Everything is Illuminated
Director: Liev Schreiber
Stars: Elijah Wood, Eugene Hutz
The Plot: A young Jewish American goes on a journey to find the woman who saved his grandfather during the dark days of World War II.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: The peaceful citizens of Alderann, who were destroyed by the Death Star. As Obi-Wan Kenobi eulogizes, it was like “a million voices crying out and then suddenly silenced.” It's no Holocaust, but it's certainly the biggest bummer in the Star Wars universe. (Warner Independent Pictures)

Four Brothers
Director: John Singleton
Stars: Mark Wahlberg, Andre Benjamin, Josh Charles
The Plot: Four brothers go gunning for vengeance when their mother is murdered.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson), badass-in-waiting, but pretty far down the list of heroes. (Paramount)

The Skeleton Key
Director: Iain Softley
Stars: Kate Hudson, Peter Sarsgaard, Gena Rowlands, John Hurt
The Plot: A young woman caring for an invalid in New Orleans gets caught up in spooky voodoo weirdness.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Malakili, the tubby Rancor keeper, who kept Jabba's pet monster under lock and key. (Universal Pictures)

August 17

Director: Steve Boyum
Stars: Steve Howey, Daryl Hannah
The Plot: In the aftermath of their father's suspicious death, two brothers must motivate one another to get back on the bike racing circuit (and eventually solve an “extreme” mystery, I'm guessing).
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Young Ani Skywalker (Jake Lloyd), who spends a chunk of Attack of the Clones zipping around the track in his “extreme” pod-racer. (20th Century Fox Pictures)

August 19

The 40 Year Old Virgin
Director: Judd Apatow
Stars: Steve Carell, Catherine Keener
The Plot: A middle-aged man comes of age in this cheeky sex comedy.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Poor Jek Porkins (William Hootkins), the fat Red Six pilot who gets the crap blown out of him on the first Death Star. A 40-year-old virgin if there ever was one. (Universal Pictures)

Director: David Mackenzie
Stars: Sir Ian McKellen, Natasha Richardson
The Plot: In this romantic thriller, a woman becomes dangerously curious about one of her husband's psychiatric patients, a man accused of murdering and mutilating his wife.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Count Dukoo (Christopher Lee). He looks like an old British guy. But--watch out!--the dude's a deadly Sith lord. (Paramount)

The Cave
Director: Bruce Hunt
Stars: Cole Hauser, Morris Chestnut
The Plot: A group of divers trapped in an underwater cave encounter ravenous monsters looking for snacks.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: That giant space worm in Empire that looks like a harmless cave on an asteroid, but then tries to eat the Millennium Falcon. (Screen Gems)

Director: Tony Scott
Stars: Kiera Knightley, Mickey Rourke, Mena Suvari, Jacqueline Bisset
The Plot: This is the (semi) true story of Domino Harvey, a model-turned-bounty hunter. ... Sexy!
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Boushh, the tough bounty hunter in Return, who turns out to be sexy Princess Leia in disguise. (New Line Cinema)

Director: Wes Craven
Stars: Rachel McAdams, Cillian Murphy
The Plot: A woman is kidnapped during a commercial airflight and forced to assist in an elaborate assassination plot onboard the plane.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: IG-88, the menacing robotic bounty hunter who just stands in one place and does nothing in Empire. (DreamWorks)

Romance & Cigarettes
Director: John Turturro
Stars: James Gandolfini, Susan Sarandon, Kate Winslet
The Plot: Described as a mean-spirited musical comedy, this tuneful tale follows a two-timing New York hubby who must decide between his mistress and his wife.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Figrin Dan, groovy leader of the Modul Nodes, house band for the sleazy Mos Eisley Cantina. (MGM)

Director: Gary Chapman
Voices of: Ewan McGregor, John Cleese, Ricky Gervais
The Plot: In this cartoon feature, a lowly British pigeon becomes a hero during World War I when he gets a job carrying messages from the front.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: C-3PO, bumbling British android who serves as comic relief, but still counts as a hero. (Buena Vista)

August 26

Director: Jim Gillespie
Stars: Method Man, Bijou Phillips
The Plot: Your basic bunch of teens run through the swamps trying to escape your basic voodoo serial killer.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Ponda Baba, menacing monster in the Mos Eisley cantina who gets his arm lopped off. Loser. (Dimension Films)

Cry Wolf
Director: Jeff Wadlow
Stars: Julian Morris, Jared Padalecki, Jon Bon Jovi
The Plot: High schoolers make up an urban myth about a serial killer that turns out to be terrifyingly real.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: The big, hairy Wampa, noted for goring Luke Skywalker and then getting his arm whacked off. Loser. (Focus Features)

Director: Meiert Avis
Stars: Kip Pardue, Ashlee Simpson, Shannyn Sossamon
The Plot: In this teen-aimed comedy/drama/romance, a group of entertainers try and establish careers for themselves in Los Angeles.
Star Wars Character This Film Most Resembles: Sy Snoodles, the anorexic, Muppet-like singer in Max Rebo's band has a certain cosmic kinship with Ms. Simpson. (Lions Gate)