Alibi V.22 No.49 • Dec 5-11, 2013 

Feature: All Entries

This Is Not a Haiku: Surreal

All entries, unedited

I know a secret
can turn anything into
haiku pad pad pad

Rules for dating
my daughter. Do it 2 her
and I do it 2 you.

I want to learn to play
this air guitar, but
where do you plug it in?

Her ideas and metaphors
strangely mixed, she throws glass
at stone houses.

I never thought I’d pay
for sex, but I have four kids.
I’ve paid for sex.

You ask me why I
call you an untied shoelace?
Because you’re tripping.

Frank Sinatra was
a terrible lover. Always
wanted it his way.

Fabio. If you
can’t believe it’s not butter
you’re an idiot.

The heart is a child-
climbing on those jungle gym
ribs, kicking his feet.

Men own big cars to compensate.
I own no car. Does that
turn you on?

She dances with her shadow.
It always leads but never
asks for more.

If your breath was sunshine,
your eyes daffodils, your touch
would still be winter.
–Zachary Kluckman

Alibi: to be
Someplace else when it happened
So they can’t blame you.

Obamacare: Like
Romneycare but from the Dems ––
Therefore it’s no good.

Let’s go shoot people,
like Breaking Bad on TV
and The Sopranos

Halloween is done.
So let’s give thanks to Mammon
and start Christmas now.

What’s an anagram
For Santa? Well, try “Satan.”
You naughty, or nice?

Not everybody
agrees with my opinion.
But you know they’re wrong,

transparent: that’s adobe
building government.

Ah, New Mexico:
a balloon full of hot air ––
a symbol, of course.

Contest! You write stuff.
We publish, but don’t pay you:
Brilliant business plan!

I am no witch yet
I have memorized a few
Lines from the future.
–Laura Weisberg

My favorite mash-up:
Salvador Dali Lama
melts clocks with kindness.
–Jordan Ganz

Time Warp Money Suck---
Out of luck feels so shitty
Spending time Sin City
–Joshua Halladay

Your breath is like an ashtray
Beaver in, beaver out.
Lake water ripples
Sunshine fades

Haiku, this is not
Said it best, Master Yoda
Try? Do? Try not, Do.
–Ray Nance

Something went wrong. That
Is as clear and as simple
As I can make it.
–Laura Weisberg

Pass me that joint, dude.
Oh, wait a minute - you mean
That this is *my* hand?
–Richard M. Fye

This is not even Haiku
Syllables are not
Set in the correct order
–Peter Cheney

Gas up the airplane
now for a road trip (not now)
zen not chem bot...bam!
–Denise Claeys

Chem Trails
These clouds are not clouds
but aluminum traces
infiltrating sky.
–Franchesca Montoya

Drifting slowly like
astronaut tears left in space
to weep through darkness.
–franchesca montoya

Peel back the ego, I.
Fall apart, a part of we,
melting into one.
–Franchesca Montoya

light gives way to it
thunder champs and chews it's maw
glass explodes for it.
–Ian K

off stage but in scene
placating immunity
how is the water?
–Michael Montoya

The worst word ever,
especially from a child:
–Chris Chapin

We started floating
beautiful when we go through
gravity dead spots
–Chris Chapin

Fever is better
Pack your bike or pack your back
Free as Alibi
–Mark Nolan

a fly goes dancing
across the smoky barroom
diggin’ some t. monk
–todd eddy

my jazz bone itches
the doctor says to “scratch it”
using poetry
–todd eddy

what was I saying
frogs fly and birds are croaking
who slipped me the trip
–todd eddy

great drunken haiku
(at least i believe they are)
build swaying bridges
–todd eddy

Growing, glowing, bright, you.
Must you grow in my care?
Can't you always sat here?

Dig the Japanese,
out harvesting grains of rice
for their own sake.
–Bruce Gordon

Eye gaze threw the sight. Eagar pupils see image.Soaking the iris.
–Elizabeth Bryant

The dead see you Walt
One hundred eighty seven
crystal blue meth dream
–Gabe Montoya

Brash blended float stalls
sulking puppets scoff and twirl
fat eyes clock and globe
–Josh Montoya

A surreal entry.
This is not a haiku:
count the syllables.
–Larry Elmore

My mother buys me
This damage repair shampoo
Why does she do that?
–Nina Bice

I hear a voice call,
it speaks of dark and sorrow.
Now I want pudding.
–Kolya Venturi

Today was Christmas.
My uncle bought me a bear!
It tried to eat me.
–Kolya Venturi

Where the hell am I?
I am stuck in a time loop.
Where the hell am I?
–Kolya Venturi

Two tumbling toes,
That tell the trembling tale,
Of the thumping toes.
–Alberto Zarate

Full moon yellow haze
seeps through naked willow limbs
shrouded in shadows.
–Ben John

What have we to do but wait,
dreaming silly dreams
in this endless void?
–Ben John

down the rabbit hole
spiral spinning sparkle stop
drip drop then drift off
–Chris Patchett

Powder and oi'l.
<Paranoiac clairvoyance>
Lazers on foi'l.
–Kevin WetSpot

Strawberry fields are
the place where nothing is real
except glass onions

marbles in a stack,
drum kits made of egg shells crack;
porous vessels lack.

Have u t or me?
T for 2 + 2 for t,
me 4 u 4 me.

Some people have names,
Revilo P. Oliver,
that are palindromes.

I once hugged the Fonz
and smelled like his man perfume
hours thereafter

Damn, my house has bugs!
Does that mean you'll get a room
at the Comfort Inn?

My first mammogram
with Loder Selenia,
the ol' boob squisher

I'm on vacation
drinking beer in the shower,
wet-naked and buzzed.

The way I marched in
with my free panty coupon
made them roll their eyes.
–Jessica Mills

Journal headline reads:
"Metal bits self-assemble
Into lifelike girls."
–Kevin WetSpot

Feel for the ground.
Fart into a champagne flute.
Nurse a hobo's jones.
–Kevin WetSpot

Not your bag of wax?
Stuff it into your glove and
Moonwalk to daycare.
–Kevin WetSpot

Not so hard to write:
Non-haiku lacks season word,
contrast, sudden smile.
–Ronald Reed

Monsters scream with
Anger, cry with delight
Live another day.

The room whispers tales
Shoes charm floors, knuckles ask doors
Earth, she turns in song
–jacob reinhardt

Skittlebum skerplat
Twist my nipples and feed me
Firemen are pink
–William Bolt

Carbon out in space
but diamonds are forever
I give you this ring
–Matthew Thompson

Aliens, from where?
Another dimension or
other galaxies?
–Jamal Molina