“Will & Grace” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) I don't normally watch this show. Not because I'm homophobic or anything. Cause, I'm not. It's just that the show is set in New York, and I really don't understand those people. But tonight, Britney Spears is a guest! I've been hot for her since I first saw her in that video where she wears the schoolgirl skirt. I was barely out of high school at the time, so it's not like I was a pervert or anything. I'm totally watching this tonight.
“Survival of the Richest” (KWBQ-19 7 p.m.) Man, those TV station executives are clever dudes. After having families switch wives (“Wife Swap”) and then switch races (“Black. White.”), I thought they were pretty much out of ideas. But no! Here, rich people switch lives with poor people. I bet there's a lesson in there somewhere.
“Nickelodeon's 19th Annual Kids Choice Awards” (Nickelodeon 6 p.m.) Comedian/musician Jack Black hosts this year's awards. A lot of people say Jack Black is overrated. I say he's underrated. C'mon, the guy is hilarious. Plus, I almost always agree with what those kids pick.
S.S. Doomtrooper (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) Wicked-cool title, dudes.
“The Henry Rollins Show” (IFC 8 p.m.) Sometimes I wish he would just shut up and start rockin' out old school-style. Still, he's a very smart guy and has a lot of really profound things to say about war and stuff. It's about time somebody gave him his own talk show. When are they gonna give Glenn Danzig his own talk show?
“so noTORIous” (VH1 8 p.m.) I always thought Tori Spelling was hot. Not Shannen Doherty hot, but still hot. Now that she's done the nose job thing, she's twice as smokin'. It's about time somebody gave her her own sitcom. She plays herself, which I think is existential or something.
“Punk'd” (MTV 11 p.m.) Hellz yeah! Back for a seventh season! See, I keep waiting for the ultimate “Punk'd” punch line, when Ashton tells Demi he only married her as a joke and that--even though she's kinda stacked for a 50-year-old chick--she's way old. And, also, he's been banging Brittany Murphy on the side this whole time. That would be so funny.
“Penn & Teller: Bullshit!” (Showtime 11 p.m.) I don't have cable, so I haven't seen it, but I love that it's got “bullshit” in the title.
“Pepper Dennis” (KWBQ-19 8 p.m.) Oh, my god! This new show has got Rebecca Romijn in it. I don't care what it's about. She's incredible. Especially in the X-Men movies where she's kinda, sorta naked the whole time. John Stamos is a moron.
“King of Cars” (A&E 8 p.m.) I prefer shows in which cars are either pimped or destroyed, but this new documentary series is about car salesmen, which is cool because I almost became one once.