“Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew” (VH1 8 p.m.) It’s time for your first-season finale, Dr. Drew. But don’t fret: Dozens of young Hollywood stars are graciously lining up to get drunk and do drugs just so you can get a second season in the can. That’s how much Hollywood cares.
“Your Mama Don’t Dance” (Lifetime 7 p.m.) So, lemme get this straight: In order to become a professional television producer, all I need to do is walk into any random cable or broadcast network in the greater Los Angeles area and say, “I’ve got a brilliant idea for a new TV show. It’s a reality dance competition!”? ... Man. I am on the wrong side of this equation.
“Fight Quest” (Discovery 8 p.m.) After weeks of having their asses handed to them by a bunch of foreigners, Jimmy and Doug return to the good old U.S. of A. to get whaled on by some Americans skilled at the old-fashioned art of Kajukenbo.
“The 16th Annual Trumpet Awards” (KASY-50 7 p.m.) This humanitarian awards show acknowledges the accomplishments of men and women who have significantly improved the quality of life for all. Musical guests include India.Arie, Angie Stone, Common, Teddy Riley, Keith Sweat and the O’Jays. ... Teddy Riley has significantly improved the quality of new jack swing for all.
“George Carlin: It’s Bad for Ya” (HBO 11 p.m.) George Carlin: Still groovy after all these years.
“Oprah’s Big Give” (KOAT-7 8 p.m.) Oprah Winfrey, unsatisfied with handing out cars to her studio audience, heads into prime time to task contestants on this new reality show with giving away millions of dollars.
“Unhitched” (KASA-2 8:30 p.m.) The raunchy Farrelly brothers (There’s Something About Mary) temporarily abandon the diminishing returns of their movie career (The Heartbreak Kid, anyone?) to try their hand at a sitcom about three newly divorced men.
“That’s Amore” (MTV 11 p.m.) One day, all human mating couples will be chosen by reality dating shows.
“The Royal Family” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Celebrity scandals are great and all, but they’re nothing compared to royal scandals. Lucky Brits.
“Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) Catch tonight’s two-hour season finale, fans. Given the expense of this effects-filled series, it isn’t likely to return for another season.
“New Amsterdam” (KASA-2 8 p.m.) This new paranormal police series introduces us to an immortal New York cop (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) who’s been patrolling the streets of the city for almost 400 years. Talk about overtime pay!
“Rip the Runway” (BET 8 p.m.) Fashion models and hip-hop musicians? It’s like a match made in heaven. Nobody on this show is going home alone tonight.
“Project Runway” (Bravo 8 p.m.) After teasing us for, like, four weeks, Bravo finally lets us in on which designer came out on top at Fashion Week.