“Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp” (VH1 7 p.m.) It’s worth tuning in to the first episode of “Celebrity Fit Club” (now with more retired drill sergeant!) just to seen who’s gotten all fat. Tipping the scales for this outing are Erin Moran, Sommore, Brian Dunkleman, A.J. Benza, Tina Yothers, Willie Aames, Dustin Diamond and Toccara Jones. I have no idea who several of those people are, but it’s nice to see Dunkleman finally find a follow-up project to that first-season hosting gig on “American Idol.”
“The Return of Jezebel James” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) Indie film darling Parker Posey (Best in Show, Henry Fool) headlines this mature comedy as a successful young-adult author who bends to the will of her parents and admits the only thing she’s missing in her life is a child. Determined to go it herself, our heroine soon finds out she’s incapable of having children. Undeterred, she “hires” her aimless little sister (Lauren Ambrose from “Six Feet Under”) to carry her child to term.
“Nobel Peace Prize Concert” (KASY-50 7 p.m.) Wow. For about three words there, I actually thought MyNet was gonna broadcast the Nobel Prize ceremony. That would be ballsy. And probably boring. Instead, Kevin Spacey hosts a tribute concert to Al Gore featuring Melissa Etheridge, KT Tunstall and Earth, Wind & Fire. Which is less ballsy. And probably boring.
Cutting Edge 3: Chasing the Dream (ABC Family 6 p.m.) Did the 1992 D.B. Sweeney/Moira Kelly hockey-
John Adams (HBO 9 p.m.) Brewer. Patriot. ... No, wait, that was Samuel Adams.
“The Bachelor” (KOAT-7 8:32 p.m.) I note tonight’s 12th season premiere only because it follows TV’s most annoying new trend, the patented “TiVo Tricker.” The odd, 88-minute runtime doesn’t allow you to digitally record it or to switch channels between shows.
“One Tree Hill” (KWBQ-19 8 p.m.) The CW’s teen soaper celebrates its 100th episode. If you’re like me, that translates into 100 unwatched hours of network television.
“Iron Ring” (BET 9 p.m.) I’ve always thought of mixed martial arts cage-fighting as a multicultural form of ass-beating. But BET has now claimed it as an exclusively African-American sport. To drive home the point, Snoop Dogg, Eddie Griffin and Ludacris are among the celebrities who will “oversee” training.
“Miss/Guided” (KOAT-7 9:32 p.m.) Judy Greer (“Arrested Development,” 27 Dresses) finally gets her own, well-deserved starring role as a woman who returns to her alma mater as a guidance counselor, only to find that her old high school rival is the school’s English teacher. ... Oh, and you can blame the start time on “TiVo Tricker.”
“The Riches” (FX 10 p.m.) FX’s family of conmen returns to the late-night airwaves for a second larcenous season.
“Easter’s Funniest Moments” (KASY-50 7 p.m.) Like that “Resurrection” gag Jesus pulled. Classic “Punk’d” moment. Too bad they didn’t have video cameras back then.