“30 Rock”/“The Office” (KOB-4 7:30 p.m.) NBC’s “must see” comedies return in the wake of the writers strike, giving some of us a reason to go on living. ... “Scrubs” and “ER” also return tonight, but I find myself caring less and less as the seasons wear on.
“Miss USA 2008” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) You could watch and see who gets crowned tonight, or you could just wait a week or two for the winner’s scandalous old cell phone photos to start cropping up on the Internet. Just to let you know, the beauty pageant scandal photo scale now goes from 1 (dressed as a naughty kitty cat on Halloween) to 10 (full-blown S&M porn career under an assumed name). C’mon, TMZ, we’re counting on you to flush out at least a six (made out with another chick on spring break in Miami).
“The Lord’s Boot Camp” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) The makers of Jesus Camp collaborate with producers of “48 Hours” for this documentary look at three teenage girls attending a massive, no-frills training camp for would-be missionaries in Florida.
The Memory Keeper’s Daughter (Lifetime 7 p.m.) A first-time father (Dermot Mulroney) convinces his wife (Gretchen Mol) that their daughter was stillborn. Turns out she was actually born with Down Syndrome and is now being raised by a kindly nurse (Emily Watson). This unapologetically weepy drama features some impressive acting talent for a TV movie.
Odysseus: Voyage to the Underworld (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) Arnold Vosloo (he was the mummy in The Mummy) stars as the mythical sailor man (not Popeye, the other one).
“The Night of Too Many Stars: An Overbooked Benefit for Autism Education” (Comedy Central 9 p.m.) Among the “too many stars” for this live comedy fundraiser are Jon Stewart, Adam Sandler, Jonah Hill, Conan O’Brien, Matthew Broderick, Stephen Colbert, Sarah Silverman, Tina Fey and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.
“The Paper” (MTV 11:30 p.m.) A reality series about the cutthroat world of a high school newspaper? Will there be singing?
“The Deadliest Catch” (Discovery 7 p.m.) The fourth season premieres tonight, proving--yet again--that my job is pretty damn cushy.
“Wasted” (TLC 12 a.m.) TLC gets all environmentally correct with the premiere of this recycling show, to be followed by the similar “Greenovate”--which sounds like a really lousy attempt to coin a new term.
“The Democratic Candidates’ Presidential Debate in Philadelphia” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Another debate, another opportunity for John McCain to kick off his orthopedic shoes and do absolutely nothing.
“The Big 4-0” (TV Land 8 p.m.) Looks like TV Land is increasingly going the route of MTV, replacing the programming it was created to air (in this case, classic TV shows) and replacing them with lame reality series (like this one in which ordinary people celebrate their 40th birthdays).