“Smallville” (KWBQ-19 7 p.m.) The show starts its eighth season and our hero still can’t be bothered to put on a costume? What’s with that? Come to think of it, the show doesn’t really take place in Smallville anymore, either.
“It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” (FX 11 p.m.) Described as a raunchy version of “Seinfeld,” FX’s cult sitcom returns with bar-owning buddies Mac and Dennis working as ... manhunters?
“Freaky” (G4 8 p.m.) This “mystifying” English import finales its season tonight. The show features some edgy, punky lads performing the kind of cheap magic shop tricks that were only vaguely entertaining in elementary school. There are even end-credit outtakes showing how many times they screw up the simple card tricks, chintzy levitation gags and abysmally dumb jokes. Is this supposed to be a put-on or are these morons serious? ... Entertaining if you thought “Jackass” needed more disappearing handkerchief tricks.
“Primeval” (BBC America 7 p.m.) Last weekend, we had the season one finale. This weekend, we have the season two premiere. How’s that for service?
“Spaceballs: The Animated Saga” (G4 3 p.m.) Ten years after Star Wars came out, Mel Brooks produced a slightly funny, mostly dated parody. Twenty years after that, somebody decided to spin Brooks’ movie off into an animated series. ... And they say comedy is all in the timing.
“The 60th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Hard to believe this institution is 60 years old. I mean, how much competition was there back in 1948? My god, they didn’t even have reality shows back then!
Vipers (Sci-Fi 7 p.m.) I imagine there’s a room somewhere in the Sci-Fi Channel, perhaps in the basement, stocked with Red Bull and Cheetos. There, a dedicated group of men and women spend 24 hours a day dreaming up new titles for Sci-Fi Channel’s snake-based movies. ... Hey, at least they’re keeping Tara Reid and Corbin Bernsen employed.
“Heroes” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) Producers promise this season will be better.
“The Mentalist” (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) Sure, it sounds an awful lot like USA Network’s “Psych” (fake psychic helps solve real crimes cause he’s freaky smart). But it does star hotshot Aussie actor Simon Baker (“The Guardian”).
“Knight Rider” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) “Knight Rider” returns to the airwaves powered by Mustang, nanotechnology and the occasional David Hasselhoff cameo. Can’t be any cheesier than “Team Knight Rider,” can it?
“David Blaine: Dive of Death” (KOAT-7 8 p.m.) Unlike the dudes on “Freaky,” David Blaine at least used to be an impressive street magician. Unfortunately, he’s not anymore, having traded magic for death-defying but monumentally dull feats of endurance. We’ve watched Blaine stand on a pole, sit in a glass cube, stand in a block of ice and float in a tank of water for days on end. Thrilling stuff, all right. Now, we’re treated to the sight of Blaine hanging upside-down by a pair of magnetic boots--for what the network laughably describes as “more than 60 spellbinding hours!”