“Theology of the Body for Teens” (EWTN-24 8:30 p.m.) I’m thinking “Don’t touch anything!” pretty much covers it here on the Catholic channel.
“Live From Abbey Road: A Tribute to The Beatles’ Abbey Road Album” (Sundance 8 p.m.) It’s the 40th anniversary of Abbey Road, so folks like Seal, Counting Crows and Sugarland drop by the studio to do a few cover tunes.
Turn the Beat Around (MTV 11 p.m.) In this MTV original movie, an ambitious young dancer convinces a wealthy financier to open a disco-themed L.A. nightclub. ... Hey, somebody at MTV saw Xanadu, too!
Sydney White (Lifetime 7 p.m.) During a particularly horrible time in television history, the cast of “Saved by the Bell” performed a rap musical called “Snow White and the Seven Dorks,” in which Snow White hooked up with a group of nerds led by Screech (of course). In this 2007 feature film, Amanda Bynes plays a college freshman who is “adopted” by seven nerds after being kicked out of a wicked sorority. Despite stealing its plot from an old “Saved By the Bell” episode, it’s semi-cute. Possibly because it is not a rap musical.
“XXI Olympic Winter Games” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) After 17 days, it’s time for the closing night ceremonies. In other words: Your girlfriend can’t make you watch ice dancing anymore.
“Your Kid Ate What?” (TLC 7 p.m.) For a station that seems to love fertility and procreation, The Learning Channel sure does have a lot of shows that scare me off the entire idea of producing offspring.
“The Marriage Ref” (KOB-4 9:30 p.m.) NBC does a quick post-Olympics sneak of Jerry Seinfeld’s new reality show, in which celebrities judge a fight between married people and decide on a winner.
“Little Parents, First Baby” (TLC 9 p.m.) Jeez, TLC, your obsession with little people is starting to border on creepy. Just because they’re little doesn’t mean everything they do is fascinating.
“The Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (KOB-4 10:35 p.m.) OK, everything is back to normal. Let’s all pretend that the last seven months didn’t happen. Just like Crystal Pepsi and that season Coy and Vance replaced Bo and Luke. It’s wiped clean from our minds. Everything is back to the way it was before. ... Hey, what happened to Conan?
“Parenthood” (KOB-4 9 p.m.) After failing as a TV series back in 1990, Ron Howard’s 1989 film gets another shot at a primetime spin-off. This one’s got Dax Shepard instead of Leonardo DiCaprio. Way to improve!
“The Oprah Winfrey Oscar Special” (KOAT-7 9:01 p.m.) Halle Berry interviews Penélope Cruz, James Cameron talks to the cast of Avatar, Glenn Close and Michael Douglas chat. Um, where’s Oprah in all this?
“Nip/Tuck” (FX 11 p.m.) The long-running plastic surgery drama faces its final boob job tonight.