The Santa Suit (Hallmark 6 p.m.) A corporate bigwig (former Hercules Kevin Sorbo) learns some sort of valuable holiday lesson when Santa transforms him into a chubby, bearded look-alike. ... Oh, Hallmark, where would we be without your sappy seasonal moralizing?
“Brad Meltzer’s Decoded” (History 8 p.m.) Novelist, comic book writer and history buff Brad Meltzer uncovers a bunch of Dan Brown-style mumbo jumbo. What hidden messages are behind the Statue of Liberty? What secret symbols are carved into the White House cornerstone? Do the new Lincoln pennies hint at an impending alien invasion? ... I made that last one up. ... Or did I?
A Walk in My Shoes (KOB-4 7 p.m.) A stressed-out high school teacher can’t understand why one of her pupils, a hotshot basketball player, is performing so poorly in school. Fortunately, it’s the holidays, and all it takes is a little mystical, unexplained body-swapping to show people the light.
“Gold Rush: Alaska” (Discovery 8 p.m.) Basic cable continues its quest to document every manly, blue-collar job in Alaska (crab fishing, ice-road trucking, logging, oil drilling, being Sarah Palin). Apparently, gold mining is still a viable career path up there. That and meth dealing.
Farewell Mr. Kringle (Hallmark 6 p.m.) A disenchanted magazine writer (whose husband, conveniently, passed away on Christmas Eve) travels to the tiny town of Mistletoe to meet a famous Santa Claus impersonator. ... Oh, Hallmark, you’ve done it again!
“The Hasselhoffs” (A&E 8 p.m.) Well, of course! What took so long?
“Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! Chrimbus Special” (Adult Swim 1 a.m.) If you have insomnia and dig the mind-melting anti-comedy of Tim and Eric, check out their freak-filled holiday special.
“Cake Boss: Next Great Baker” (TLC 7 p.m.) Just level with me, TV: How close are we to “America’s Next Great Gas Station Attendant”?
“Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations” (Travel 8 p.m.) Tony rings in the holidays by inviting a bunch of friends over for a potluck dinner. My invite must have gotten lost in the mail.
“The Vice Guide to Everything” (MTV midnight) Combine hipsters, the Travel Channel and “Jackass” and you get Vice magazine, a guide to insane places, people and politics. Now it has a TV show.
“Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys” (Sundance 11 p.m.) Sundance goes all Bravo with a reality show about NYC ladies and their gay BFFs. There’s another, more wieldy term for this—but if I use it, I’ll get letters.
“Eureka” / “Warehouse 13” (Syfy 7/8 p.m.) Two of Syfy Channel’s original series celebrate the holidays with a pair of Christmas-themed eps.
“MythBusters: President Obama Special” (Discovery 7 p.m.) No, their not debunking the idea that Obama is a Muslim, Communist, non-American-born vampire. Instead, the science-minded prez is dropping by to help re-run the Archimedes Death Ray experiment (for the third time).