The Bounty Hunter—Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston in a wacky, gender-switched re-creation of Midnight Run? No thank you. Oh, and Gerard? Stop making romantic comedies!
Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore—After nine years, we thought we were safe from a sequel. But no. We got this utterly forgettable spoof of James Bond movies staffed by talking animals. And poor Chris O’Donnell. Not even the star of Batman & Robin deserved this.
Clash of the Titans—The movie itself was a mediocre remake of a mediocre fantasy. But the craptacular CGI (added at the last possible second) was highway robbery. Why is Liam Neeson’s face floating three feet in front of his hair?
Furry Vengeance—Question: How many different ways can computer-animated animals hit Brendan Fraser in the crotch? Answer: Who cares?
Grown Ups—Nobody expects much out of an Adam Sandler movie these days. But good lord! was this lazy. Sandler and his pals basically took a summer vacation at Columbia Pictures’ expense and then filmed themselves sitting around jabbering.
Killers—Hollywood really thought we wanted to see sexy couples in lighthearted spy-spoof action this year. (Knight and Day, “Undercovers,” The Tourist.) We didn’t. Least of all when it’s enacted by Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl.
The Last Airbender—There was some hope that, as long as M. Night Shyamalan didn’t have to write his own script, it might result in a decent movie. No such luck. Cramming an entire season of the popular animated series into one movie resulted in one of the silliest, choppiest, talkiest, most overproduced fantasies of all time. Plus, this year, Shyamalan also gave us the preposterous horror film Devil. So screw him.
Marmaduke—It’s a given we’re going to have to suffer through several CGI-
Sex and the City 2—There aren’t strong enough pejoratives to describe this crass, soulless celebration of Ugly American Syndrome. It’s like the movie was written and directed by people who hated the show and wanted to piss off even the most hardcore of fans.
The Virginity Hit—Geez, Hollywood, just because YouTube is popular doesn’t mean you should make an entire movie out of YouTube videos. This crappy teen sex comedy would have sucked no matter what. But the “shot on hidden video” angle made this the cheapest-looking film of this or just about any annum.