“Tattoo School” (TLC 7 p.m.) If only there were more tattoo shows on TLC. ... Oh well, dare to dream.
“Sweet Home Alabama” (CMT 10 p.m.) If only there were some sort of reality dating show for rednecks. You know, like “The Bachelorette,” only with more pickup trucks. ... Oh well, dare to dream.
“Friday Night Lights” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) NBC closes out the fifth season of this well-received high school football drama by airing the 90-minute series finale.
“Prank Stars” (Disney 9:05 p.m.) Stars like Selena Gomez, Debby Ryan and Mitchel Musso (who only qualify as stars if you watch Disney Channel) fool their fans, “Punk’d”-style.
“Bizarre ER” (Discovery Health 8 p.m.) Fair warning: The subtitle of this British import should be “Objects Jammed in Places They’re Not Supposed to Be.”
Cyberbully (ABC Family 6 p.m.) For parents unclear on what cyberbullying is, here’s an alternately sanctimonious and alarmist TV movie about the subject.
“Big Rich Texas” (Style 8 p.m.) If you need more reason to hate Texans, here’s a reality show about the overprivileged members of a posh Dallas country club.
“Bar Rescue” (Spike 8 p.m.) An extreme makeover renovation show exclusively for liquor establishments? I’ll drink to that!
“Breaking Bad” (AMC 8 p.m.) The fourth season gets underway for the Albuquerque-lensed hit. Honestly, things aren’t looking so good for our pal Walt.
Magic Beyond Words: The J.K. Rowling Story (Lifetime 6 p.m.) Poppy Montgomery (“Without a Trace”) stars in this dramatization of the life story of author J.K. Rowling, who wrote a series of books, became the 1,062nd richest person in the world and bought several nice mansions.
“It’s Worth What?” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) Check out the premiere of this prime time game show in which contestants try to guess the retail price of stuff ... just like “The Price Is Right.” So, apparently, television producers no longer have the job of coming up with new shows, just coming up with slightly different titles for old shows.
“Monster Kitchen” (Food 7 p.m.) Eric Greenspan and Michael Fiorelli compete to create “the best 6-foot donut.” Honestly, if your donut is 6-feet wide, is taste a big concern to you?
“Drug Kingpin Hippos” (Animal Planet 8 p.m.) If you’re like me, you’re imagining something very interesting. But it’s a documentary about Pablo Escobar’s pet hippos. ... Which is still kinda cool.
“Awkward” (MTV 12 a.m.) In MTV’s newest scripted sitcom, an unpopular teen (Ashley Richards from “One Tree Hill”) becomes famous after rumors say she tried to commit suicide.
“Web Therapy” (Showtime 9 p.m.) Lisa Kudrow’s improvised web series moves to Showtime.
“Deadliest Warrior” (Spike 8 p.m.) Spike’s speculative smackdown show launches its third season with a puzzler: George Washington vs. Napoleon Bonaparte—who could have kicked whose ass?
“South Beach Tow” (truTV 8 p.m.) Jennifer Lopez proves what a genius she is by producing this new reality show, which is essentially “Operation Repo” with a different title.