“Time Machine Chefs” (KOAT-7 8 p.m.) This is almost a clever enough twist on the formula that I’m willing to call it good. Chefs must compete against one another using ingredients and equipment from specific historical periods. The Stone Age is gonna be a bitch.
“Bullet in the Face” (IFC 8 p.m.) Eddie Izzard and Eric Roberts co-star as Mafiosi in this sitcom about a psychopathic German assassin-turned-cop. It’s billed as the most violent comedy in the history of television. It is, believe it or not, from the mastermind behind cult ’80s action parody “Sledge Hammer!”
“The Next” (KWBQ-19 8 p.m.) I firmly believe that there are two or three people left in America who have not gotten their shot at stardom on “American Idol” or “The Voice” or “X Factor” or “The Sing Off” or “Duets” or “America’s Got Talent,” or any one of a dozen other musical competitions. Thanks for helping out, CW. If only would-be dancers had such an opportunity ...
“A Chance to Dance” (Ovation 8 p.m.) Oh. Apparently would-be dancers do have the same ridiculous number of opportunities as singers to appear on their own reality competition. Thanks for helping out, Ovation.
Inocente (MTV 11 p.m.) This surprisingly-
“The Timey-Wimey of Doctor Who” (BBC America 7 p.m.) OK, that’s about enough out of you, BBC America. Now you’re just teasing us with all these Doctor Who specials. Just give us the new season already.
“Copper” (BBC America 8 p.m.) Produced by BBC and the guys behind “Oz,” this tough crime drama centers on a police officer in 1860s New York City. Don’t expect a lot of fancy “CSI”-style forensics. Do expect liberal use of truncheons.
“Married to Jonas” (E! 11 p.m.) Kevin Jonas voluntarily jumps his own shark, going straight from massive teen pop star to irrelevant reality show punch line in one easy move.
“The Inbetweeners” (MTV 11:30 p.m.) The BBC’s gloriously raunchy, perfectly hilarious sitcom about four high-school nerds gets an accent-free MTV makeover.
“The 2012 Do Something Awards” (VH1 7 p.m.) It’s admirable that somebody’s giving awards to the nation’s best young “world-changers.” But why are the dudes from “New Girl” hosting?
“Abandoned” (National Geographic 7 p.m.) National Geographic wades into the “buying and selling people’s old crap” genre with this show in which a team of “experts and collectors” scour abandoned buildings for “memorabilia” they can steal.