Week in Sloth: Kate goes “Glee,” rednecks get rehabbed, “The Facts of Life” meets “Survivor”
 Alibi V.21 No.37 • Sept 13-19, 2012 

Week in Sloth

The Week in Sloth

Thursday 13

“History Exposed” (Military 6 p.m.) The Military Channel launches this new series with the topic “Secret Weapons of the Third Reich.” ... Are they seriously trying to tell us that, after 17 years of History Channel documentaries, there’s anything even remotely secret left in Naziville?

“Glee” (KASA-2 8 p.m.) Kate Hudson joins the cast this season as Rachel’s “mean dance teacher.” Sorry, Kate, this is what you get for making Something Borrowed, Bride Wars and My Best Friend’s Girl. No more crappy romantic comedies for you, young lady, until you learn to appreciate your movie career.

Friday 14

Cyberstalker (Lifetime Movie Network 6 p.m.) Ripped from the headlines (10-year-old headlines, but still) comes LMN’s newest mom-frightening thriller. Another 10 years and we should have a spate of “texting while driving” tragedies.

“The 9th Annual Style Awards” (Style 6 p.m.) Yawn. These awards are always so predictable. Like, for example, how Swedish ice hockey goaltender Henrik Lundqvist won 2012’s “Most Stylish Athlete of the Year.” I mean, who couldn’t see that coming?

Saturday 15

Pegasus vs. Chimera (Syfy 7 p.m.) The awesomely named Nazneen Contractor (who appeared in one season of “24”) stars in Syfy’s newest super monster smackdown. I’ve got twenty bucks on Pegasus.

“Redneck Rehab” (CMT 11 p.m.) Tom Arnold (yes, unfortunately, that Tom Arnold) stages “interventions” for city slickers who have given up on their redneck roots, turning them back into beer-swilling, tobacco-chewing, Larry the Cable Guy-loving idiots in wifebeaters. Because, apparently, there aren’t enough of those on cable now.

Sunday 16

“Alien Deep” (National Geographic 5 p.m.) Deep sea aquanaut Bob Ballard takes us under the ocean to ogle weird creatures. I don’t know about you, but I’m always up for a weird creature ogle.

“Rehab with Dr. Drew” (VH1 6 p.m.) Unable to wrangle up any more stoned/drunk celebrities, Dr. Drew settles for helping ordinary schmucks.

“Weeds” (Showtime 8 p.m.) Showtime’s dope-dealing sitcom smokes a bowl and goes to bed after eight seasons on the air.

Monday 17

“The Mob Doctor” (KASA-2 8 p.m.) Attractive young female thoracic surgeon moonlights as a doc for the Mafia? That sounds plausible. ... No, wait, what’s that other word? Ridiculous: That’s it.

Tuesday 18

“BAD25: The Short Films of Michael Jackson” (BET 7 p.m.) BET celebrates the 25th anniversary of Michael Jackson’s BAD album by exploring his most famous “short films,” formerly known as “music videos.”

“Hot Set” (Syfy 8 p.m.) From the producers of “Face Off” (Syfy’s makeup artist reality competition) comes this new reality competition pitting up-and-coming production designers against one another. Maybe next, they can produce an exciting sound recording engineer competition.

Wednesday 19

“Survivor” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) “Survivor” is heading to the Philippines this season, and for some reason it’s dragging “Facts of Life” star Lisa Whelchel with it. Somehow, I don’t think Mrs. Garrett would approve.