“Dating Naked: The Wedding Special” (VH1 7pm) I’m gonna stop you right there.
“Tim & Eric’s Bedtime Stories” (Cartoon Network 1:15am) Comedians Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim (“Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!”) contribute another absurdist sketch comedy show, this one based around short horror tales à la “Goosebumps.”
“Hack My Brain” (Science 6pm) Now when you say “hack” ...
Thou Shalt Not: Sex, Sin and Censorship in Pre-Code Hollywood (TCM 12:15am) Turner Classic Movies takes a look at all the naughty stuff Hollywood used to get away with before the Hays Code came into effect in 1930.
The Assault (Lifetime 6pm) Who do you suppose is responsible for more violence against women: The NFL or Lifetime Network? Just pondering here.
“On the Run Tour: Beyoncé and Jay Z” (HBO 7pm) The famous couple perform in Paris, France, in their first collaborative concert tour. Catch it now before the divorce rumors flare back up.
“Get Swank’d” (FYI 9am) Sadly not a reality show about Hilary Swank, but a makeover show in which a couple of “glam besties” hit the road in “the hottest phenomenon on wheels, a fashion truck.”
“Madam Secretary” (KRQE-13 7:30pm) Téa Leoni (‘member FOX’ “Flying Blind”?) stars as a Hillary Clinton-esque secretary of state in CBS’ new political drama.
“Mr. Pickles” (Cartoon Network 9:30pm) The newest Adult Swim series to hit the airwaves is this twisted toon about a 6-year-old boy and his lovable pet dog, Mr. Pickles, living together in an old-fashioned town full of old-fashioned values. But Mr. Pickles the dog has a secret: He’s a serial-killing maniac. No, really.
“Gotham” (KASA-2 7pm) What was Gotham City like before Batman showed up and all the town’s bad guys went nuts and put on costumes? ... If you said “boring,” hopefully you’re wrong—because this entire series takes place in a pre-Batman Gotham City.
“Scorpion” (KRQE-13 8pm) CBS’ quirkiest new crime-solving series (occasionally written “
“Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” (KOAT-7 8pm) Remember, you only get half a season this time, and then it gets replaced by the World War II flashback “Marvel’s Agent Carter” (as seen in Captain America: The First Avenger).
“NCIS: New Orleans” (KRQE-13 8pm) Think “NCIS: Los Angeles,” but with more references to jazz and gumbo.
“Black-ish” (KOAT-7 8:30pm) Boring suburban dad Andre Johnson (Anthony Anderson) wonders if his family has done a little too much assimilating in this identity-seeking sitcom. I’ll be tuning in for Laurence Fishburne as the grumpy grandpa.