Alibi V.27 No.50 • Dec 13-19, 2018 

Week in Sloth

Thursday 13

Dr. Pimple Popper: The 12 Pops of Christmas” (TLC 7pm) I take it back, Lifetime holiday rom-coms. I take it all back. I’d watch a dozen of you before I’d flip past this holiday horror.

GG Allin: All in the Family (Showtime 8pm) Nothing says Christmas like a documentary about shit-eating, heroin-loving, self-mutilating punk rock nutso GG Allin.

Friday 14

“Chilling Adventures of Sabrina: A Midwinter’s Tale” (Neflix streaming anytime) In this one-off holiday addition to the first season of Netflix’s witchy new series. the Spellman family celebrates the winter solstice by singing pagan carols and telling ghost stories.

“The Protector” (Netflix steaming anytime) Netflix releases its first Turkish original series, this supernatural drama about a young shopkeeper given a mystic talisman by a mysterious, ancient order tasked with protecting Istanbul from “shadowy forces.”

“Tidelands” (Netflix streaming anytime) In this Australian drama, an ex-con returns to her seaside hometown to blow the lid off a generations-long murder mystery involving … wait for it … mermaids.

“The 87th Annual Hollywood Christmas Parade” (KWBQ-19 7pm) Nancy O’Dell (of “Access Hollywood” and “Entertainment Tonight” fame) is this year’s grand marshal.

Saturday 15

The Swan Princess Christmas (KQBQ-19 7pm) If you’re hungry for third-party, second-rate Disney knockoffs, then this 2012 computer-animated special (a sequel to 1994’s The Swan Princess, 1997’s The Swan Princess: Escape from Castle Mountain and 1998’s The Swan Princess: The Mystery of the Enchanted Kingdom) is for you. Somehow, there were still four more direct-to-DVD sequels after it. I’d bet they’re all for sale at Big Lots.

Sunday 16

“2018 Miss Universe Competition” (KASA-2 6pm) Armenia, Kyrgystan and Mongolia are are sending their very first competitors. Has Mongolia ever even seen a bikini?

“The iHeartRadio Jingle Ball 2018” (KWBQ-19 7pm) Shawn Mendes, Cardi B, Dua Lipa, G-Eazy, 5 Seconds of Summer and the ubiquitous Chainsmokers. What more could you want?

Monday 17

“2018: In Memoriam” (KOAT-7 9pm) ABC acknowledges what a dumpster fire 2018 was by simply looking at all the famous people who died: Aretha Franklin, Burt Reynolds, George H. W. Bush, John McCain and Stephen Hawking among them.

Tuesday 18

“Greatest Holiday Commercials Countdown 2018” (KWBQ-19 7pm) Kevin Frazier and Keltie Knight from “Entertainment Tonight” try to make us watch commercials for an hour.

Wednesday 19

“Overthinking with Kat & June” (YouTube Premium streaming anytime) This female buddy comedy sitcom centers on the “strange but beautiful” friendship between two young women (Tenea Intriago, Alexia Dox) and allows viewers to hear their inner thoughts. So, “Peep Show,” but way less nasty.

“New Day’s WWE 2018 Pancake Powered Year End Super Spectacular” (USA 8pm) WWE’s The New Day tag team (Big E, Kofi Kingston, Xavier Woods) continue their odd, pancake-loving schtick with this wrestling special (featuring, presumably, a lot of pancakes).

“Schitt’s Creek: Christmas” (POP 11pm) Prior to the fifth season (starting Jan. 16), Pop gives fans a quick holiday special—in which optimistic Rose family patriarch Johnny (Eugene Levy) tries to celebrate a traditional Christmas, much to the disinterest of his snobby family.