Alibi V.28 No.12 • March 21-27, 2019 

Week in Sloth

Thursday 21

“Critters: A New Binge” (Shudder streaming anytime) A mere 33 years after the original film debuted (and 28 years after young Leonardo DiCaprio popped up in Critters 3) the horror-based, VOD streaming service (owned by AMC Networks) debuts a TV series spinoff. Seems the ravenous (not to mention tiny and fuzzy) alien Krites are back on Earth and making life miserable for a select group of hapless humans.

Friday 22

Cold War (Amazon streaming anytime) Pawel Pawlikowki’s pan-European drama was distributed in the United States by Amazon Studios, which now takes its pound of flesh by adding the film to the company’s streaming service, mere weeks after it lost out on the Best Foreign Language Film Oscar. The sweeping drama concerns the tumultuous affair between a music director and a cold-hearted singer as it plays out on both sides of the Iron Curtain.

Nightmare Tenant (Lifetime Movie Network 6pm) Other things that are “nightmares,” according to Lifetime Original Movies: Nightmare Wedding, Break-Up Nightmare, Nightmare Best Friend, Nanny Nightmare, Sorority Nightmare, Cheerleader Nightmare, Babysitter’s Nightmare, A Father’s Nightmare, A Daughter’s Nightmare, A Surrogate’s Nightmare.

Saturday 23

“The 2019 Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards” (Nickelodeon 6pm) I mean, it’s nice to know that “Favorite Butt-Kicker” is evenly split between the girls (Emelia Clark, Danai Gurira, Zoe Saldana) and the boys (Dwayne Johnson, Michael B. Jordan, Chris Pratt) this year. These kids today: they’re OK sometimes.

Sunday 24

“Action” (Showtime 6pm) This four-part documentary series takes a deep dive into the spreading legalization of sports gambling. Fun new revenue stream or dangerous addiction?

Monday 25

“Jesus: His Life” (History 6pm) Here we are, deep in the Easter season, and History channel goes back to its annual Jesus well with this documentary-esque series which promises to “explore the story of Jesus Christ through a unique lens: the people in his life who were closest to him.” So … on camera interviews with John the Baptist, Judas Iscariot and Caiaphas?

Tuesday 26

What We Do in the Shadows (FX 7pm) FX nicely sets us up for tomorrow night’s “What We Do In the Shadows” TV series with an airing of this brilliant 2014 vampire mockumentary written, directed by and starring Jermaine Clement (“Flight of the Conchords”) and Taika Waititi (Thor: Ragnarok).

Wednesday 27

“If I Could Tell You Just One Thing” (YouTube streaming anytime) Priyanka Chopra (now the wife of a Jonas brother, dontcha know) hosts this YouTube digital space series in which the actress interacts with “her peers, role models and friends to ask them the one thing that made them what they are today.” Simone Biles is her first guest.

“Million Dollar Mile” (KRQE-13 8pm) Contestants on this athletic game show (produced by LeBron James and hosted by Tim Tebow) find themselves running through the streets of Los Angeles trying to escape “a group of elite athletes” whose goal is to stop them from claiming the million dollar prize. So, LeBron James invented tag. Tag for a million dollars.

“What We Do In the Shadows” (FX 11pm) This TV version of the New Zealand-made cult comedy retains the “mockumentary” style of the 2014 original but looks in on a slightly different group of pretentious vampire roommates.