“The Apprentice” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) Please, somebody tell me that Omarosa is actually Ashton Kutcher in a mask. I mean, this woman can't possibly be for real, can she? Surely she's a plant designed to punk out the other contestants. Surely no human being could be as annoying whiney and disruptive.
I think Kwame should lose the apprenticeship to Bill for not booting her out the door the minute The Donald introduced her back into the game. Well, we'll see on tonight's live, two-hour finale.
“Dateline NBC” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) In this world of international strife, war, religious conflict, political intrigue and judicial malfeasance, what weighty news topic do you suppose will be tackled on tonight's special, two-hour edition of “Dateline”? Why, last night's season finale of “The Apprentice” of course. I mean, you can't get any more newsworthy than that.
Bionicle: The Mask of Light (Cartoon Network 9 p.m.) When I was a kid, Legos were little plastic bricks you could stick together to make a car or a castle or something. Kids today have got Lego Bionicles, which are these skinny, Transformer-like robot guys with funny tropical masks. I guess they're supposed to beat each other up or something. In this computer-animated spin-off film, the spirit that protects the island nation of Mata Nui (and its six Wahi) has gone into a deep slumber, reawakening the evil spirit of Makuta. But, when a mysterious Kanohi mask is found, two unlikely Matoran must overcome such obstacles as the Rahkshi to find the previously unknown sixth Toa of Light, thereby defeating Makuta and the power of shadow. ... It looks pretty cool, but I'll be damned if I have the slightest clue what's going on here.
Spartacus (USA 6 p.m.) In this splashy TV miniseries, dreamy Goran Visnjic from “ER” stars as the legendary Roman slave-
“Family Plots” (A&E 7 p.m.) TV's newest reality series takes us behind the scenes at a real-life Southern California funeral home. Three beautiful sisters, a hot-blooded father, a quirky funeral director and a stream of anguished patrons make up the cast of what is sure to be A&E's latest curiosity piece.
“The Real Spartacus” (History 9 p.m.) I'm sure you checked out the Spartacus miniseries over on USA and have spent the better part of this week wondering, “What was the deal with that rebellious Thracian gladiator? Was he a budding force for the democratization of ancient Rome? Or was he just a pawn for senators Gracchus and Crassus?” This historical look may just settle the argument.
“TV Land Moguls” (TV Land 7 p.m.) TV Land's new documentary series takes us back in time, introducing us to the TV greats who made TV great. This first episode covers the '50s, profiling such pioneers as Danny Thomas, Lucille Ball, Carl Reiner, Andy Griffith and others.