I was at a party the other night, yapping about food when this guy suggested that we write restaurant reviews so that restaurants could know what they're doing wrong. I told him that the purpose of publishing a restaurant review was not to give a report card to one or two restaurant owners but to give a city full of people an idea of what to expect should they dine at a particular restaurant. I said I thought diners had a responsibility to communicate with the restaurant staff, to help them provide the best possible experience. He looked puzzled. I said, “It's like sex,” and the party got quieter. “You cannot live your whole life disappointed that you never got spanked when you never asked anybody to spank you,” I continued. There were some nervous stares. I told the gathering crowd that just as lovers communicate with each other, so must diners and restaurants. If you ask for a quiet table and get seated next to the front door, then say something. Be kind but honest and you can expect that your server will be eager to please. Whatever you do, don't bite your tongue and leave angry only to be surprised when the same thing happens again. If you're too embarrassed to say something that night, a quick call the next morning should do the trick.