A Dallas woman was bitten by the Chupacabras.

Here are the Emmy winners.

There were shootings in Arizona and Alaska.

One time, a monkey rode a goat.

A deadly volcano erupted in Indonesia.

Smell the screams of freshly mowed grass.

A bag of cocaine fell out of Paris Hilton’s purse.

Six secret things from Cracked.com.

Martin Short’s wife died.

Pay dirt on my claims about heavy drinking.

Here’s a $2 million car.

The Ghost Train hunter can now be seen haunting the rails at night.

APD shut down that one party place.

There was a stabbing in the South Valley.

West Mesa High doesn’t like Juggalos.

Rudolfo Carrillo reports from Bubonicon 42.

Happy birthday, Lewis Black.

Internationally renowned cryptozoologist Loren “Come to My Cryptozoology Museum” Coleman has weighed in on Alibi columnist Ben Radford’s theory that the chupacabras is actually Natasha Henstridge. Though he congratulates Ben on his ingenious explanation of the chupacabras phenomenon, Coleman plays the skeptic this time. It’s backwards day!

Coleman and Radford are actually on friendly terms; Ben spoke highly of him at our company Christmas party a couple years ago. Nevertheless, Loren bashed Ben for taking a hike a few months ago. Oh, well. I took a poke at Coleman once with hilarious results.

Saturday was Brother’s Day. We wore fake moustaches and set off fireworks until the neighbors complained. We had chupacabras meat, dried octopus and pizza rolls. We broke open a home-made piñata full of weird mexican candy and had a coyote calling contest until the neighbors complained. We had a snowball fight with snowballs trucked in from the East Mountains. That’s it until next year.