Steven Seagal


V.25 No.44 | 11/03/2016

news

The Daily Word in a "graffiti mass" at San Felipe de Neri, WisePies pays up and Jim Bakker says God says Donald Trump will be President

The Daily Word

Albuquerque woman believes she has a rare condition called Stendhal Syndrome which causes her to experience nausea, panic and confusion when looking at beautiful works of art.

Troubled local restaurant chain WisePies Pizza and Salad made a payment to UNM this week and says they will honor the agreement that renamed The Pit "WisePies Arena".

Old Town's historic San Felipe de Neri church was tagged by vandals during mass this morning.

Illustrating the meaning of irony for a generation of school kids, Melania Trump announced that her signature issue as First Lady would be the fight against cyber bullying.

God told Jim Bakker and his team of evangelicals that Donald Trump will be the next President of the United States.

President Vladmir Putin has granted actor Steven Seagal Russian citizenship.

The rarest pasta in the world is made by just a few women in the ancient town of Nuoro, on the Italian island of Sardinia.

Two Chris Christie aides face steep sentences after being convicted on all counts in the New Jersey "Bridgegate" case.

A recall was announced for another exploding Samsung product.

A never-marketed, synthetic opioid invented by American company Upjohn—and illegally manufactured in China for the black market—is being blamed for the deaths of two Utah teens.

V.22 No.4 |

News

The Daily Word in tree chopping, Steven Seagal and offal food

The Daily Word

America's favorite washed-up martial artist, Buddhist tulku and alleged puppy killer, Steven Seagal, will be joining the sheriff's posse in Dona Ana county. Because why not?

The City will make a new Nob Hill business pay for cutting down a "community tree" earlier in the week and provoking neighborhood outcry.

Tired of waiting for city buses? Here are some new reasons to fiddle with your smart phone while you stand there.

Burns Night fans, take note: real haggis remains illegal in the US. Because it is gross.

And it turns out that goat cheese burns really, really well.

V.21 No.10 |

NEWS

The Daily Word:Limbaugh's losing more advertisers; Iraqi emo kids are getting stoned; Himalayan viagra

The Daily Word

Firesign Theater's Peter Bergman died.

Vintage covers from lesbian pulp novels.

The first Santa Fe spice arrest.

Steven Seagal is being sued.

Another unexplained light phenomenon appeared over Phoenix.

Delicious sounding egg in an onion ring. *[8pm]original site is down because everyone wants to know how to make these delicious eggs.

The stoning of Iraqi emo kids has begun.

Rush Limbaugh and other conservative talk show hosts are losing advertisers faster than fleas jumping off a dead rat.

The Iran War Clock.

No cowbells or saxophones allowed under Nazi rules for jazz.

Watch this guy completely lose his shit over a role playing game.

Dick Clark's nifty Flintstones home is for sale.

"Himalayan Viagra" wars.

Today is the anniversary of the earthquake and tsunami that hit Japan in 2011.

V.20 No.5 |
Ari LeVaux

Post UFC 126 press conference highlights

plus, an exclusive interview with Fabio Borges

From the presser:

Jon Jones sits next to Shogun Rua as they answer questions about their upcoming title fight.

Vitor Belfort enters the press conference and congratulates Anderson Silva, just as Silva is explaining the tension between he and Vitor. Silva then discusses what a fight between himself and Georges St. Pierre would look like.

Immediately post-presser: Steven Seagal discusses the front kick he trained with Anderson, and how happy he was when Anderson landed it on Vitor's face. Seagal is interrupted by the same fake nose wearing Brazilian goofball journalist who interrupted the presser.


In other video action, a much more professional (though no less animated) Brazilian journalist named Fabio Borges explains his lip-reading of Anderson and Vitor at their pre-fight staredown, and gives some words of advice for his countryman Shogun, as he prepares to face Albuquerque's Jon Jones: "Start training, right now."

Sports

Hangover Sports Roundup

Rodgers gets championship belt, Silva channels inner Seagal

Super Bowl XLV

Despite Christina Aguilera screwing up the national anthem and another horrible halftime show, viewers were treated to an entertaining football game. Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers performed well enough to make even the most loyal Brett Favre fan embrace a new era of Packer football. Rodgers' three touchdown throws combined with three Steeler turnovers left too much for Pittsburgh—lead by quarterback Ben Roethlisberger—to overcome. “Big Ben” had the chance to lead a fourth quarter comeback but couldn't get past the top ranked Packers defense. The 31-25 victory marked the fourth Super Bowl victory for Green Bay.

Football fans should savor this Super Bowl as it could be the last game they see for a while. Labor talks between the owners and players are moving at snail-like pace and could lead to a lockout. Hopefully both sides can come to an agreement or it will be hockey and soccer highlights on Sunday nights.


UFC 126


Most fans expected the Anderson Silva/Vitor Belfort main event to be the most exciting title fight in MMA history. That or the longest staring contest even know to mankind. The result was a mixture of the two with both fighters gun shy for the opening minutes of the first round. Eventually Belfort exchanged strikes with Anderson only to be greeted by a massive Steven Seagal-esque front kick. In fact, Seagal gave Silva some pointers before the match. Silva landed a knockout that opens the door for a possible superfight with UFC champion George St. Pierre (a.k.a. GSP). Barring some miracle, GSP should beat Jake Shields in April and move up to middleweight to face Silva. A GSP and Silva bout could rival the hype of a Manny Pacquiao v. Floyd Mayweather fight.

Greg Jackson's fighter Jon Jones was expecting to move up the light heavyweight rankings with a victory over Ryan Bader. Jones' second-round choke of Bader earned him new recognition and a title shot against champion Maurício "Shogun" Rua. Former champ Rashad Evans had to pull out due to an injury in practice, opening the door for Jones. Evans injury (while unfortunate) maybe a blessing in disguise as Jones presents a more dynamic match-up against Shogun. Jones youth and unpredictability could aid mixed martial arts' break into the popular sports culture. No matter what happens, Jones potential is limitless.

Sports

RIP Grandpa Cerrone

20 minutes before his fight, Cowboy's father figure died

From Twitter (cowboycerrone):
"I just had the greatest night of my career and 20 mins before my fight my grandfather (father) passed!! I'm so sick I don't know what to do..."

Ari LeVaux

sports

UFC 126 - Monday morning wrap-up

Rashad Evans injured, Jon Jones gets title shot against

Last week’s feature focused on two local UFC fighters who not only won their fights in Vegas last weekend, but both collected bonus checks: Donald Cerrone for his part in the “Fight of the Night” against Paul Taylor, and Jon Jones, who got submission of the night after his guillotine choke forced Ryan Bader to tap. Funny thing is, Jones’ fight easily could have been called Fight of the Night (that is, if it wasn’t so one-sided), and Cerrone’s rear naked choke could have been Submission of the Night. But whatever you call it, neither one is sweating the extra 75K worth of chedda.

In one of the more memorable post-fight announcements it was revealed to the world, including Jones himself, that Jones’ teammate, mentor, and friend Rashad Evans had just injured his knee in training for his fight, six weeks away, against Mauricio “Shogun” Rua, the light heavyweight champ. It had been decided behind closed doors that if Jones beats Bader convincingly he’d be offered the title shot.

Jones’ drubbing of Bader was indeed convincing. Bader never threatened Jones with anything. The closest he came to a take down was when he pulled Jones down on top of him, giving Jones the opportunity to apply the choke.

Jones was told about his opportunity to fight for the title by ring interviewer Joe Rogan. Jones, in disbelief, accepted.

In the press conference Jones mentioned how crazy it is that he’d been studying Shogun in order to mimic his fighting style when helping Rashad prepare for the fight. Jones is well-known for his study habits in preparing for fights, and now that knowledge is going to come in handy in his own fight prep.

In last week’s feature we mentioned that the teammate bonds at Jackson’s, which so far have prevented Jackson’s teammates from fighting one another, have never been tested with a title belt on the line.

Since Evans is only sitting out his title shot because of his injury he’ll be the automatic challenger for the title when he heals. But if Jones wins, Evans said yesterday, he’ll either move up to heavyweight or down to middleweight, rather than challenge Jones for the title, as he told MMA Live after the fight:

"I'm happy for Jones, I think it's a great fight for him. I think Jones is going to smash Rua."

"Training with Jones in practice, he's one of the best guys I've ever trained with. The level he's gotten to so fast is scary and alarming. He's one of those guys at the gym, he'll be the first one there and the last one to leave. ... He's hungry, he wants it, so I'm glad if it's going to be someone to step into my place, I'm glad it's him."

"I'm still not going to fight Jon. I will always find something to challenge myself. I will go up to heavyweight or down to middleweight. But I will not fight Jon."

Ari LeVaux

sports

Silva's kick

Steven Seagal was the secret behind the weapon

At the post-fight press conference, Anderson Silva mentioned that action movie star Steven Seagal had taught him The Kick that had Vitor Belfort's name on it. Seagal and Silva thought it might be a good one to use against Vitor, so he practiced it a lot, and discussed using it moments before the cage door closed.

Seagal was sitting in the shadows to the side of the press conference. I asked him if the kick had a name. It did not.

I suggested the "kickball kick," and immediately regretted it. (subsequent research suggests it may be distantly related to Seagal's famous "Dozen Nut" kick.)

The trick, he said, is you lift your leg "and spear it straight up the middle."

Vitor, gracious in defeat, showed up at the presser after his medical check up. He didn't get a single question.

I felt bad about that, though in the heat of the moment I couldn't think of anything to ask except. "How is your face?" It didn't seem like a very dignifying question, so I held my tongue.

Video montage of the presser to come.

V.18 No.50 | 12/10/2009

Idiot Box

Marked for Justice

“Steven Seagal: Lawman” on A&E

On the list of all-time crimefighting debacles, I’d say hiring Steven Seagal to headline his own cop reality show ranks somewhere between giving guns and badges to Erik Estrada, La Toya Jackson and Wee Man on CBS’ aborted “Armed & Famous” and the four Police Academy movies that didn’t star Steve Guttenberg.

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