Hey, guess what? We can all stop arguing about same-sex marriage in New Mexico, because it turns out that it's totally protected by the state constitution! Shwew. So glad that we finally settled that one.
The area around the Pit won't be the pits anymore.
Speaking of assholes, Sandy Hook truthers are still insisting that those kids never got killed. Won't their parents be relieved.
The Westboro "God Hates Fags" Baptist Church is really warming up to the new rainbow colored house across the street.
Why are goat populations exploding? Global warming.
And finally: Who wants snotwinkles?!?