abraham lincoln


V.24 No.7 | 2/12/2015

news

The Daily Word in Beck, brains, vaginas and soy sauce

The Daily Word

Exculpating evidence suggests no criminal charges will be filed in the Bruce Jenner traffic fatality.

Kanye tried to interrupt Beck’s Grammy Award accpetance speech.

I am so tired of all the complaining.

Go, Riverdale.

What would you pay for Abe Lincolns hair?

Learn how to escape from a moving car.

When you microwave humans the brains are always cold in the middle.

Goodbye, Tent City.

A shoplifter was shot on Menaul.

Happy birthday, Brian Donlevy.

You're probably cleaning your vagina all wrong.

Your Samsung TV might be spying on you. No, seriously. It's listening.

It's a sad day for Chinese food and fast locomotives.

New England has run out of places to put snow.

Blood type and brain function: something else to worry about.

Ozzy Osbourne's bat karma has caught up to him.

Darth Vader's toilet is free on Craigslist in Albuquerque.

V.22 No.28 | 7/11/2013

Cryptid Alert

Cryptid Alert! View rare film footage of a Great Emancipator.

Though most people generally accept the existence of Abraham Lincolns as fact, there has been very little scientific proof (beyond photographs, eyewitness accounts, etc.) to confirm it. Until now. This newly uncovered film footage of a Lincoln in its natural habitat provides perhaps the most compelling evidence of their existence to date. If you see one of these in the woods, don’t shoot it. Yes, I’m looking at you, Mr. Booth.

V.21 No.6 |

NEWS

The Daily Word in Whitney's death, Obama's new budget, an ultrasonic monkey

The Daily Word

Obama unveils new budget request. budget.

Supreme Court ruling on GPS tracking leaves some gray areas.

Italian daily suggests that the Pope will die within a year.

Best and worst of the Grammys.

RIP Whitney Houston. This woman taught me not only that crack is whack, but that nothing is impossible.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter trailer.

Study finds that people with easier-to-pronounce names are more likely to get ahead in business.

New internet movement pushes to have Weird Al to perform at next year's Super Bowl. Sign me up.

If celebrities looked like “normal” Americans.

South Carolina man having trouble getting a loan because, according to his bank, he's been dead since 2009.

The considered-to-be-silent-until-just-now tarsier's super power is an ultrasonic scream.

Fart joke leads to bomb scare.

Police in South Bend, Ind. say a man broke into a home and proceeded to sweep the floors, fold the laundry and cook some dinner.

It's been a while since we've had some auto corrects.

Thanks to T&C for help with today's stories.