alibi sex survey


V.23 No.6 | 2/6/2014

Alibi Sex Survey

The Second Annual Alibi Sex Survey

Everything we wanted to know about sex in Burque ...

And we weren’t afraid to ask. From ex politics to hottest-ever sex, Alibi readers empowered us with more sex positive-insight than you can shake a cat o' nine tails at—including sex toy preferences, sexiest staff, secret turn-ons and sexiest experience. Oh Burque, you’re so sexy.

Alibi Sex Survey

Hot on the Heels of Lust

Sexiest experiences, the ex factor, masturbation and talking dirty

Sensual pinnacle

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Alibi Sex Survey

Whatever Turns You On

Burqueño turn-offs and anatomical fetishes

If you wanna get close to the Burqueños y Burqueñas who comprise our sample, suds up on the reg, read voraciously, think critically and cultivate reason and perspective.

Alibi Sex Survey

Beyond Missionary

Creative use of other portals

Front and back doors and how we feel about them.

Alibi Sex Survey

Stars In Our Eyes

An end-of-the-world celebrity hall pass scenario vs. true love

In America, sex and celebrity go together just like summertime and baseball. Although both the fame game and the ball game have European roots, we’ve done our darnedest to make both into national spectacles, though I must admit beisbol seems to be fading.

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Alibi Sex Survey

All Worked Up

Vocational attractions

The Alibi’s second annual Sex Survey asked readers what local business has the sexiest staff, and the results were provocative. It’s no secret most of us spend a significant amount of time making the doughnuts, but who would have thunk so many gorgeous, awesome, desirable and reverie-inducing humans were busy rabbiting away at jobs that range from restaurants to supermarkets, from storied publication houses to alt.sex shops and institutions of higher learning.

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V.22 No.8 | 2/21/2013

Sex and Its Discontents

Alibi Sex Survey graphgasmic data orgy #4: The final chapter

In which we discover smoking after sex is officially out of fashion, among other things

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, the graphgasmographical data stream comes to a drippy end. Some things I learned about Burqueños: The vast majority have made out with strangers, yet haven’t caught a sexually-transmitted disease. Hmm. They also wouldn’t be caught dead smoking after sex. No surprise there, seeing how high “bad breath” scored on the turn-offs list. There’s a statistical dead heat on the importance of penis size and on having fooled around with a co-worker—so you may as well just flip a coin. The pro-anal-sex camp outnumbers the “once” or “never” camp by a healthy margin. But, more romantically, most people are not interested in an open relationship and would stick with their current partner for that one-last-shtup before the world ends—and furthermore, most have kept friendly with their ex-partners-in-crime. How warm and fuzzy.

So what does that say about Albuquerque? Promiscuous yet hygienic? Faithful yet forgiving? Free-thinking yet conservative? Who the hell knows? I’m just glad you’re all out there keeping things sexy for the rest of us. Let’s do it again sometime.

Have you ever made out with a stranger?

Have you had sex with a boss or co-worker?

Have you ever caught a Sexually Transmitted Disease?

Have you tried anal sex?

If the world were ending, would you have sex with your partner or someone else?

Would you consider an open sexual relationship?

The eternal question: Does penis size matter?

Are you generally on friendly terms with your exes?

Do you like to smoke after sex?

V.22 No.6 | 2/7/2013

Sex and Its Discontents

Alibi Sex Survey graphgasmic data orgy #3

In which we speak of talking dirty in person and on the phone

This installment tells us many things: Those who are satisfied are the largest voting bloc, but those who aren’t outnumber them. Sharing sex fantasies is more popular than not sharing them. A lot of people have experimented with an alternate gender sex partner, but most haven’t. Cybersex is way too out there for most Burqueños—we prefer phone sex even though it’s not 1995 anymore. And talking dirty is near-universally accepted as the lingua franca of the bedroom. In fact, it may be what binds us together as a race.

On a related note, when the term “Burqueños” is used, we really mean “the 1,405 people who took all or part of our survey, 486 of whom are 22-30 years old and most of whom (969) are under 40.” In case that wasn’t obvious, I mean.

Are you satisfied with your current sexual situation?

Do you share your sexual fantasies with your partner?

Have you had a sexual encounter outside the gender you're used to?

Do you engage in cybersex?

Have you had phone sex?

Do you like talking dirty?

Sex and Its Discontents

Alibi Sex Survey graphgasmic data orgy #2

In which we finally share the sexual frequency of Burqueños in greater detail

Welcome back to the unscientific sharing of self-reported sexual proclivities of Albuquerque residents. This stuff is straight out of the SurveyMonkey data banks (you can also blame them for the cheesy infographic look), so I don’t want to hear any more complaints about histograms, telegrams or candygrams. This is as scientific as it’s gonna get.

The main take-aways here? Alibi readers do it frequently, probably more often than they floss their teeth. They do it together and they do it alone. They have no fear of employing power tools or other prosthetic devices, and they “sometimes” like to mix it up with booze and illicit substances. In other words, this town is one big sex party. Here’s the proof:

How frequently do you have sex with a partner?

How frequently do you masturbate?

Have you used sex toys?

Do you mix alcohol and/or drugs with sex?

Sex and Its Discontents

Alibi Sex Survey graphgasmic data orgy #1

That’s right, I said graphgasmic

Well, I coulda called it. In fact, I did call it: The hate mail has already started to pour in from pissed-off statisticians who found the (ahem) science of the Alibi’s First Ever Sex Survey to be somewhat slipshod. One guy even took issue with the “missing interval” in our when-did-you-lose-your-virginity graph and called our histogram “poorly constructed.” Them’s fightin’ words, partner! And if we knew what a histogram was, we’d be goddamn well pissed off about it. But let’s just get this out there right in the open right now: those finding the science to be lacking simply failed to notice that there was no science AT ALL. Dammit, Jim, I’m a newspaper man, not a statistician.

Here’s the truth: We used the WRONG NUMBERS for the virginity/age graph. They were actually the numbers from the “how old are you” demographic question, hence the failure of the graph to “correlate with the discussion.” So in the end, it’s not a question of missing intervals and histowhatsits, it is instead a question of being a fuckup.

In the interest of both science and setting the record straight, here now is the RIGHT GRAPH—both a legible one with low-scoring answers omitted (a practice applied to pretty much all the graphs we ran) and an ALMOST ILLEGIBLE one with ALL THE DATA (including such spurious answers as “0” and “1”). Happy? I hope so. More sexy graphs to come. Stay tuned.

Alibi Sex Survey

Weekly Alibi’s First Ever Sex Survey

Are bicycles sexy? I don't think so, and we were fairly careful not to ask about bicycles when we developed our First Ever Sex Survey. That notwithstanding, bicycles came up … along with graveyards, pancakes, rimming and other seemingly endless whatnots in the mountainous avalanche of data our survey produced. And cars. It seems like lots of people in Albuquerque are having sex in cars, so pay attention, and lock up next time you're in the parking garage.

Nearly 1,500 people responded to our survey. Who were these people? Let's consult the pie charts.

What did we learn? I'll leave that to our panel of experts.

Alibi Sex Survey

Sexy Body Parts, Turn-Offs and More

If Albuquerque were a man, he would be an ass man. Based on the results from the sex survey, it was the highest reported sexiest body part. But don’t worry if you’re wishing you had more junk in the trunk, the second-highest rated sexiest body part were the windows to your soul.

Alibi Sex Survey

My secret turn-on is …

The results are in, and it comes as no surprise that the Duke is one kinky city. The purpose of sex has evolved for many into a recreational activity, rather than a species-perpetuating endeavor. Note that, of the 800+ answers, not a single response included “procreation.” Instead, we see a varied, colorful list of hedonistic sensory indulgences, elaborate fantasies, yearnings for specific body parts, items of clothing, bodily fluids, and appetites for complicated sex acts that would challenge even the most adept multi-tasker.

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Alibi Sex Survey

My sexiest experience ever was ...

While reviewing the results from the Alibi's first sex survey, I was delighted to see that many of our neighbors play very well with others. Within the confines of relationships and randomness of delightful happenstance, friends are hooking up with friends, couples with couples and sometimes just inviting others to watch. In addition to these delightful tromps into the land of non-monogamy, my heart was warmed by the dozens of contributions that gush about partners, husbands, wives and every combination therein.

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