There's no other news today other than

SAME SEX MARRIAGE WAS LEGALIZED IN ALL 50 STATES ! ! !

Major high five, Supreme Court!

Let's celebrate and take in this incredibly important moment in our history!

Oh hai, Alibi friends! This rain has been absolutely lovely and I'm in a helluva mood today! This is the Daily Word for May 7th 2015.

Who the hell says pizza doesn't save lives? NO ONE. NO ONE EVER SAYS THAT.

OMG! Remember Y2K? My friend's parents had a Y2K survival box in their den and when the world didn't end in 2000 we had a stash of batteries for our tape recorder to record songs for like five years.

Road raging against the police?! This guy was all like "Not caring FTW!"

FOX cancelled The Mindy Project. But Hulu knows no one watches television on cable and will hopefully save all of us from being Mindyless.

My stunt double would be a cross between Cher and Billy Corgan.

Have a good day!

It's Thursday! My baby kept me up all night and now I'm pretty crabby! Here are some news articles for you since I guess you guys can't find your own damn news!

Some jerky thieves stole veterinarian equipment from a mobile equine veteranarian truck. Help solve the crime!

Dr. Sanjay Gupta is calling for a medical marijuana revolution!

We think Joel White would agree!

Bill Cunninghan attends the Easter Parade on 5th Ave where churchgoers were dressed in "styles from the 17th century" and wearing hats that were "either towering fantastical creations or vintage pieces." Oh, New York! You're so fancy and cool!

Finally, some useful information online. This website gives you the telephone keypad codes to play songs like, You Are My Sunshine, The Itsy Bitsy Spider and much more. Don't act like you're above it.

Six states have already banned powdered alcohol and the creator of the powder is rushing to get it on the shelves in remaining states. Critics are concerned people will snort the powder and that drinks might be spiked easier.

A baby hippo was born at the Albuquerque Zoo two days ago! Hallelujah!

Have a good day, sorry I said that thing about finding your own news. We love you!

Where the hell did the sun go? If the overcast weather is making you feel murky and bummed out, here is a list of things that will make you feel better.

Mazzy Star's Give You My Lovin'.

Ever barfed unexpectedly in public? This kid did and he promptly sent an apology note to the "barf cleaners."

It'll be sunny tomorrow!

There are a lot of really beautiful, good people in the world.

wikiHow has solved depression. Turns out all we need to do is try things like being optimistic and making more money!

But seriously, if you're struggling right now there are people who care about you!

Sloths only go to the bathroom once a week! Read more weird facts about sloths here!

Basically the only reason Pinterest should exist is to worship Troll Dolls.

Enjoy the rest of your day, it won't be Monday soon.

Here at the Alibi we love a lot of things. We are moved by the whimsies and strikingly cold realities of being human and living on Earth. Without heroes, who would we be? Who would guide us through the dark times? Inspire us to be better?

Ham, the first chimpanzee in space was launched into the bursting ether on January 31st, 1961. Named after the lab that prepped his precious body for space exploration, Holloman Aerospace Medical Center, Ham continues to inspire all of us at the Alibi and is our elected hero.

Because we can't win our own contest, we asked you to submit pictures of your hero. This week's winner is Instagram user stormyjill, who captioned her picture with the following:

"Abby, Rape Crisis Center of Central New Mexico's Volunteer Coordinator and my best friend. I'm super proud of you and not a lot of people would be able to do what you do for a living. I'm happy to embarrass you and name you as my #alibihero."

Not only are we thankful for the work that people like Abby do on a daily basis, we are also sorta hoping you'll take your BFF out to lunch with the $10 in Alibi Bucks you won. But don't worry, we have some treats for you too!

Email amelia@alibi.com to redeem your prizes!

For more information about the Rape Crisis Center of Central New Mexico visit their website or call their hotline at 505-266-7711.

It's Friday and I'm kind of crabby and kind of excited for the lunch I packed. News is kind of good and kind of horribly depressing.

Live your life!

The military typically discharges transgender troops on medical grounds.

High five to Lovelace Westside Hospital for making their emergency room more comfortable for seniors. The new rooms feature softer lighting, clocks and signs that are easier to read.

A judge was all like “Bye, Felicia”and removed District Attorney Kari Brandenburg from the murder prosecution of two Albuquerque police officers who are accused of killing James Boyd. The judge stated a “conflict of interest.”

A man in Brazil posted an unexpectedly funny and poignant Facebook post and the internet REALLY liked it.

In case you're kinda dumb, here is a page explaining what a dog is.

It's Tuesday and everyone is about to die from allergies!

Former press secretary to George W. Bush , Dana Perino said there were like zero hunks in Washington in the '90s. In her new memoir Perino says the guys around her "didn’t look like they’d ever worked outside a day in their lives — soft hands, limp handshakes, pale skin, and pudgy middles.”

An APD officer illegally accessed the National Crime Information Centers database for personal reasons. JEALOUS.

A super cool idea coming from NMSU: increasing tuition cost! School is for certain people, k?

Remember Albuquerque 15 years ago? Us too! :( :)

Five things you didn’t know about Kurt Cobain.

Tell me, will this youtube classic ever get old? THE ANSWER IS NO!

For $15 you can order a used “rare" Spice Girls Pepsi can from the UK.

Another reason to reconsider visiting Florida…

It's Tuesday! Everyone has allergies and you're probably reading this when you should be doing work. This is the Daily Word!

Two dudes at George Mason University in Virginia created a device that puts out fires by bumping bass.

Some rogue ass lamas and coyotes are partying in New York!

Imagine creating a diorama out of the marshmallowy, neon Easter candies, Peeps. Now imagine you create such an inspiring piece of hidden peep artwork, that it’s featured in the Washington Post. GET YOUR DREAMS TOGETHER AND REACH FOR THE DAMN STARS! ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!

Remember when we all lost our minds and fed, entertained and nurtured our electronic pets? TREND ALERT: Tamagotchis NEVER STOPPED BEING COOL. I’ve had one for two decades straight. It feels good to be part of something larger than myself.

“In a world where the selfie has become our dominant art form, tautological phrases like “You do you” and its tribe provide a philosophical scaffolding for our ever-­evolving, ever more complicated narcissism.” Yeah, whatever. Ima do me and take a selfie of my cute ass outfit today. BYE!@

Remember the Macarena? In 7th grade I tried to kiss a boy to this song at a dance. He didn’t like the Macarena, or maybe it was me. Who can say?

Have a great day! And you do you, boo.

The Ili pika is not only endangered, it’s the cutest damn thing in the world. No more than about seven inches long, there are fewer than 1,000 in existence. Some think it is the inspiration behind the creation of the Pikachu character in Pokémon.

Angelina Jolie Pitt thoughtfully shares her thoughts and experiences surrounding the removal of her ovaries in a preventative measure against cancer.

The ingredients required to administer lethal injection are in short supply! So Utah was all like, "WTF? Let’s bring back the good ol’ firing squad!”

A University of New Mexico fraternity house might be demolished.

Who hasn’t parked in am emergency fire lane to get some Panda Express?!

A Guatemalan teen is a total badass and is advocating for the rights and support of young girls in her community, who face numerous challenges.

It’s Tuesday! Today’s Daily Word will ~*~BlOw YoUr MiNd~*~*

Netflix is releasing a new series that you can’t binge watch. WTF?!

Saudi girls can now participate in sports at school! Yes you read that right! Yes I know it’s 2015 and that seems like it shouldn’t be a headline. But it’s true! Yay! Sports for everyone!

This is just incredibly sad. 10 people were killed in a helicopter crash while filming for a reality TV show.

Apparently giving eviction notices to homeless folks won’t solve homelessness?

It's a Grass Widow kind of day!

Good afternoon, people of the internet! It's almost Friday, which means absolutely nothing to people who work weekends!

The Ringling Bros. finally admit maybe having wild elephants as part of their circus isn’t really that cool.

A 91 year-old woman who was told as a girl she wouldn’t be able to pursue engineering, has landed her dream job as a design consultant specializing in products geared towards the elderly. TAKE THAT, AGEISM AND SEXISM!

Prince played basketball in middle school and his yearbook photo is going to make your Thursday.

Everyone knows the top emojis are the poop, the partying ghost and the monkey covering her eyes. Some genius made an emoji poop dress and it’s all I want this year for my birthday.

PUT CREAM CHEESE ON/IN EVERYTHING!

Take a lunch break every damn day!

It's Thursday! Not exactly as good as Friday, but still pretty damn good.

The Internet may not be owned by a few corporations soon because Washington seems to be pretty down with net neutrality!

There is a black hole that is 12 billion times larger than the sun and is 900 million years old.

Zendaya Coleman elegantly explained why assuming dreadlocks smell like “patchouli oil” or “weed” is racist and weird. Giuliana Rancic apologizes. The internet gives Coleman a giant high five.

A new proposal would require Lyft and Uber drivers to provide insurance and undergo extensive background checks.

Surveys conclude that over half of all farm workers in America lack “legitimate documents” and therefore have no legal rights or protection.

It's Tuesday and the sun is shining here in Albuquerque. JK! It's freezing.

It’s snowing! It’s snowing! CLOSE ALL THE SCHOOLS! CANCEL WORK!

You’re chewing too loud! Apparently there is a name for the feeling of rage you experience when the person next to you is breathing too loud.

Rats are not to blame for the Black Death! A new study suggests gerbils are the actual culprits in the “second plague pandemic.”

Feeding your baby peanut butter might prevent her from serious nut allergies in the future. Peanut butter for the win! PS. Don’t try this at home.

Cher calls out Arkansas governor Asa Hutchinson for vetoing a bill that would allow for more LGBT anti-discrimination laws. Like we needed any more reasons to worship Cher.

New Mexico wants to offer license plates that have anything from aliens to horned lizards on them. Duh. Let them do it.

It's Wednesday, it's sunny and the world is a strange place.

Two Bernalillo county commissioners are allegedly backing away slowly from a tax proposal to raise $42 million dollars, half of which would be used for mental health services.

It’s only going to get hotter in New York, according to this recent report.

A Rio Rancho woman, her infant son and her nephew all went missing Tuesday night.

Gun rights activists claim that allowing students to carry weapons on campus will help reduce sexual assaults.

If you’re visiting Niagara Falls right now, it looks like a different planet, thanks to heavy snowfall and ice.

Hey, kehd, quit jumpin’ ouddaya windows into snowbanks! The Mayor of Boston politely asks residents to stop leaping out of their windows and decks into snowbanks, because it’s “a foolish thing to do and you could kill yourself.”

A man leaving a Karaoke bar was mugged, suffered a severe concussion and became a genius. No, seriously.

After a week or so of scrutiny, NBC decided to suspend Brian Williams without pay for six months. DON’T LIE TO THE PEOPLE, BRIAN!

The Virgin Mary was spotted in a Chimayo man’s truck after snowfall. #miracles

Say goodbye to treating your hangover with rhino horns and ivory, because the Obama administration is cracking down on illegal wildlife trafficking.

Jon Stewart is retiring from The Daily Show.

Iggy Azalea ordered a pizza from Papa John’s and her delivery guy gave her phone number to his family members! What has the world come to when a girl can’t even order a pizza in piece? (See what I did there?)

To everyone celebrating the past few days of glorious weather, PARTY'S OVER!

Some genius made a video of the Dr.Phil show with all dialogue removed. Just awkward staring. Lots of awkward staring.

The top 10 cute animals that can kill you.