betty white


V.21 No.20 |

News

The Daily Word in sizable leaks, fiscal cliff-diving and Betty White 4 Prez

The Daily Word

Today Egyptians vote in the first competitive presidential election in the Arab world.

The Secret Service prostitution scandal in Colombia may not be an isolated incident.

The Kirtland jet fuel leak could be larger than the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill.

Huge drop in the number of metro area meth lab busts linked to law enforcement budget cuts.

The U.S. is fast approaching a “fiscal cliff.” An M.I.T. professor thinks we should cross our fingers and jump.

A Pakistani doctor who helped the CIA locate Bin Laden was convicted of treason and sentenced to 33 years in prison.

Yesterday’s commercial rocket launch could signify a new era of private sector space travel.

Morgan Stanley is investigated for sharing insider Facebook IPO information with a select group of investors.

Democratic Congress members think Governor Scott Walker may have lied under oath about his motives for pursuing an anti-union agenda in Wisconsin.

Arizona white supremacist gets a 40-year federal sentence for a 2004 Phoenix bombing.

Fox News' Roger Ailes says Jon Stewart “basically admitted” to him that he’s a socialist.

Obama and Romney are neck and neck in the polls, but the prez gets Betty White’s vote.

V.21 No.3 | 1/19/2012

news

The Daily Word in Wikipedia shuts down, Roundhouse legislation kicks off and McNuggets get sexual

The Daily Word

Wikipedia is shutting down for 24 hours tomorrow to protest the Stop Online Piracy Act. I doubt I’ll survive.

Occupy protesters will march during the start of the new legislative session in Santa Fe. Watch the State of the State Address live at 1 p.m.!

The wrecked Italian cruise liner shifted. 29 people are estimated to be missing.

The “If I Die” app leaves a Facebook post for you after you’re gone. Creepy.

A woman offered drive-thru customers sexual favors in exchange for chicken McNuggets. They’re not that good.

After getting throttled twice in the same year by the same team, Tebowmania still won’t quit.

A young girl is shot during the MLK parade in Little Rock, Arkansas.

I don’t think Burger King’s home delivery is a good idea for an already obese country.

How did these rocks from Mars find themselves in Africa last year?

A racy billboard ad encouraging drivers to keep their eyes in the road is taken down. Drivers couldn’t keep their eyes on the road.

Happy 90th birthday, Betty White! Here’s to you and your oddly resurgent career.

V.19 No.19 | 5/13/2010
The Daily Word

News

The Daily Word 5.11.10: Oil Blame Game, Playboy in 3D, Carol Burnett for SNL

No one wants to take blame for the massive oil spill in the Gulf, now up to 4 million gallons.

Playing hooky a thing of the past? Northern Arizona University proposes an electronic monitoring system for student attendance.

Playboy jumps on the 3-D bandwagon with a 3-D centerfold spread.

The Pope calls the Catholic church sex abuse scandal “terrifying.”

AT&T has the iPhone exclusively through 2012.

After Betty White’s wonderful SNL appearance, Facebook now campaigns for Carol Burnett.

The Arizona boycott over the new immigration law, including a boycott of the MLB All-Star game in 2011, is expected to put a huge dent in the tourism industry.

Las Cruces to remove its red light cameras over the next few days.

Thieves are stealing iron water covers throughout the city, and no one really knows why.

Those ridiculous gale-force winds are coming back late this afternoon.

V.19 No.8 | 2/25/2010
“What do you mean you’re out of butterscotch candies? That’s bullshit!”

Draft Grandma!

If you’ve ridden the red-hot highway that is the Internet (vroom) in the past few weeks, you’ve seen the army amassing its troops. It’s not the U.S. Army, or the French (snicker); it’s the movement to get “Saturday Night Live” to have Betty White host. The Facebook page that started it currently has over 450,000 fans.

Reports have it that SNL is considering this, but would have her appear as part of a “Women of Comedy” night, including, rumors say, maybe Molly Shannon, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey.

Aw, isn’t that nice of them? To give ladies a chance to be funny? You know, men aren’t half-bad. Forget that the two most recent stars to hit it big post-SNL are women (Amy and Tina, holla!) and that it’s most popular current performer is Kristen Wiig.

But I can deal with that. Comedy is a notoriously rough business for women, as evidenced by my male peers’ reception to my 2008 comedy tour entitled “Why Won’t You Have a Baby With Me, Boy Is Anyone Else’s Bra Killing Them?”. Their responses? Jokes about masturbating!

What DOES irk me is the ageism of it. So, maybe 88-year-old White, goddess of screens large and small, might not be able to carry a 90-minute show. But consider some of the people that SNL has determined are totally capable of hosting duties: Megan Fox, any athlete, Stevan Seagal, M.C. Hammer, Paris Hilton, the Olsen twins and Ron Nessen (press secretary for President Gerald Ford).

And what does Betty White have? Only six Emmys and generations of fans.

Instead of pairing her with younger women, how bout SNL gives older women their due? Here is my proposed cast for Old Broads of Comedy, in addition to White:

Phyllis Diller. 92. Stand-up pioneer. Cartoon version was on “Scooby-Doo.” Fucking fabulous.

Carol Burnett. 76. Mentored by Lucille Ball. Had uber-successful variety show “The Carol Burnett Show.”

Teri Garr. 65. That’s not really old, except in Hollywood, which is a creepy place anyway. Uttered the timeless phrase “Roll, roll, roll in ze hay.” Pretty hilarious as an actual, real person.

I realize not all of these ladies might be able to run through skits and crap, but I’d wager an hour and a half of these four sitting around, talking shit and waxing sassy, would be better than 99.8% of SNL episodes. I think I just created a new show. I’ll call it “Platinum Ladies.”

V.19 No.7 | 2/18/2010

News

The Daily Word. Top News Stories for 02.22.10: Herpes Bomb, X-Shaped Meteor, Son of Manson.

The Daily Word

See the incredible x-shaped meteor thing.

Read about Amy Bishop’s Herpes Bomb.

Don’t cry to me; cry to your Edward Cullen pillow.

Another captured Taliban leader.

For those of you concerned, Betty White may very well host SNL.

Son of Manson.

Brooklyn cops acquitted of broomstick sodomy.

The brain likes words and music together, contrary to what that jazz guy at the party said.

Beware counterfeit stem cells.

Watch hipsters slipping on ice.

A Columbian woman “came back to life” in the funeral home.

Cat food helps kill cane toads.

We await you, merry gnome.

Joseph Trujillo tried to save some drowning puppies.

Farmington may get blazing fast internet. The committee is led by Jack Little.

Neighbor saves neighbor from fiery death on Edie Place NW.

As always, check DCF’s Morning Fix for more local news.

It’s Kyle MacLachlan’s birthday. Here he is in “Twin Peaks” with David Duchovny.