Give your burning, breaking news ulcer a few moments of respite. For your Election Day amusement, a small compendium of comedian tweets:
@iamjohnoliver: If Mitt Romney wins the election tonight, the White House will be one of the smallest houses he's ever lived in.
@GregtheGrouch: My polling place smelled like fish sticks today.
@steveagee: Vote yes on prop These Nuts
@Hamptonyount: How much did it cost you guys to vote? I feel like I got a deal.
@JohnCleese: Presidential election today when we finally find out just how batty America is...
@jackiekashian: Andy, "I anticipate a happy ending. To my raging election."
@toddbarry: They don't make a sticker for what I did today.
@tedalexandro: Senior citizen volunteers overseeing newfangled computer voting machines? There's no way this could go wrong!
@birbigs: Today is Halloween for adults. Let's all pretend we live in a democracy. #VOTE
@friedmanjon: I just voted for some Kenyan guy. LOL!
@mileskahn: Does anyone know if Fox News is on suicide watch? I'm really worred about them.
@mitchfatel: Just released! Documents prove Obama is half black!
@DougBenson: I'd like to see four more years of BREAKING BAD. Can we vote for that?
@mileskahn: Nate Silver says there's a 95% chance that if Obama wins he's "so getting laid."
@JenKirkman: An old lady who lives at the senior place I'm voting in just yelled out her room "Shut up!" to a crying baby. She's prob a hologram of my future.
@aasif: Are you kidding me Florida?
@PaulScheer: Vote No on Prop 36 which requires everyone you know to have a podcast. #vote2012
@julieklausner: Putting on shoes, getting ready to vote. If they don't have stickers OR a sugar free lolly for me, I'm going to flip my shit.
@JoshSneed: Just stole a big roll of "I Voted" stickers when this guy wasn't looking in case anyone that just wants to be left alone needs one. 'Merica.
@EugeneMirman: The Internet isn't the only place to tell strangers they're idiots, you can yell at folks in voting lines or throw leftover CSA veggies too.
@thelovemaster: Interesting how they word proposition descriptions to spin u. Think I just saw 1 promising daily blow jobs. #gotmyvote
@aishatyler: Yes. Vote first. Game second. You can't save the universe from the Covenant menace if you haven't saved democracy first.
@Ruth_A_Buzzi: How can we vote when they haven't even done that part where we see them in their swim suits?