V.28 No.49 | 12/5/2019

Weekly Specials

With family gatherings and office get-togethers occupying most of our time, the natural go-to is to bring food. So, dig out those recipe books, brace yourself for some dumb idiot to accidentally sign up for something you already signed up for at a potluck and let the holiday cheer run through you like wine down stone.
V.28 No.14 | 4/4/2019
dumpster looming
Courtney Foster / cc

Know Your Ingredients

The Internet Idiot’s Cooking Guide

Quit sharing your garbage meals on social media

Much like a car accident, it’s hard to look away from food disasters on the internet.
V.28 No.12 | 3/21/2019

Know Your Ingredients

Get Baking, Get Baked

A layman’s guide to cooking with cannabis

Thinking of making your own cannabis edibles? Learn from others' mistakes and you can avoid throwing away hundreds of dollars in ingredients.
V.27 No.20 | 5/17/2018
Cooking for Friends
Corey Yazzie

Food for Thought

Cooking for Friends

It’s supposed to be fun, so stop cooking six-course meals and go simple instead

Cooking for people shouldn’t be something to panic over—you invited your friends over to enjoy their company, not to spend hours agonizing over recipes and cooking alone in the kitchen.
V.23 No.38 | 9/18/2014

Food for Thought

Goode (Pot) Cookery

The basics of edible marijuana munchies

Eric Castillo looks beyond the pot brownie.
V.23 No.26 | 6/26/2014

Book Review

The Mighty Booch

Kombucha Revolution: 75 Recipes for Homemade Brews, Fixers, Elixirs and Mixers

Welcome to the strange, delicious and healthful world of fermented “mushroom tea.”
V.22 No.30 | 7/25/2013

Book Review

Delicious Reading Is On the Menu

Steal the Menu: A Memoir of Forty Years in Food

If anyone’s going to have some good stories about the food world, it’sThe New York Times food editor. Julian Wolf has the tasty scoop.

Book Review

It’ll Make You Beg for Seconds

Cinnamon and Gunpowder

Ahoy! Raise a pint of pineapple-banana cider to this review of a rollicking new tale.
V.22 No.5 | 1/31/2013

Idiot Box

Once Bitten

“The Taste” on ABC

ABC’s new cooking competition “The Taste” promises—repeatedly, it must be noted—to be a cooking competition “unlike any you’ve ever seen.” This is a completely accurate description—but only if you’ve never seen a food-based show before. For the rest of us, it’s a totally generic, frustratingly unsatisfying taster menu of refried ideas.

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V.21 No.49 | 12/6/2012


The Worst Cooking on the Web

The Internet can be both incredibly helpful and affirming: a vast repository of all the world's knowledge; a great town hall where minds can meet across cultures and countries and share their ideas and insights; a truly global community. But anyone who has spent more than an hour online knows that it can also be a seedy freak show and a sometimes disturbing glimpse into how truly pathetic so many of us humans really are.

Like every other aspect of the web, online cooking videos land all over that spectrum. Now, any other day I might choose to point you to the best that are available, but because it’s Monday morning, I’m in the mood for a train wreck. So, let me present to you the worst cooking videos on the Internet as judged by a panel of one expert (me). Oh, sure, there may be grosser or more depraved ones out there, but as far as I'm concerned, these three are unmatched in terms of reducing the human condition to its most piteous.

3. Steven Reed's Chili Cheese Dip

Apparently, somebody at Weber State University thought that the student body there could benefit from a how-to series on cooking simple, economical meals. That doesn’t seem like a bad idea until you see the execution. This is "cooking" at its most basic: two things are (barely) mixed together and then heated. But come on, a jar of processed cheese and a can of chili?

I don't know what worries me more, that a person in a decision-making position at Weber State thought that their students could use instructions on opening cans and then microwaving the contents, or that those students might actually need those instructions.

Or maybe the fact that the laconic, shuffling host is a convicted sex offender.

2. Popcorn Cereal

This one is slightly less sad than Reed's video, if only because this guy actually manages to successfully cook popcorn and he doesn't even need a microwave to do it. That's not much of an achievement, though, and in the end this is still a video by a dude who thinks that pouring tap water into a bowl of popcorn counts as some kind of recipe.

1. Hot Dogs and Peaches

Ugh. This one is a straight-up nightmare. Not a scary monster chasing you through endless hallways sort of nightmare, but the kind where unpleasant and dangerous things are happening and nothing makes sense. Random fires break out. There's a toilet in the kitchen. A mumbling man decides that hot dogs blended with peaches would make a good drink.

I hold out hope that some aspects of this video are a joke (seriously, hot dogs and peaches?), But even if the vlogger is pulling our leg a little bit, that doesn't change the fact that this fetid hellhole is his kitchen. Piles of garbage on the floor, the stove and sink filled with filthy dishes and random appliances, that toilet; whether or not the “cooking” is a prank, the (miserable, squalid) joke is still on him.

So, those are my nominees for the worst cooking on the web. But if there is one golden rule about awful things on the Internet, it is that there is always more, and it is always worse. Feel free to share your own nominees, barring any pornographic cooking videos, which almost certainly exist, but which I’d very much like to continue being ignorant of.

V.21 No.43 | 10/25/2012
Daniella Martin and dessert.


A Fly in Your Soup?

It’s good protein

While I was doing some research for an article about the ABQ BioPark's third annual Creeping, Crawling Cuisine dinner, I found myself in some strange corners of the Internet. Happily, I also discovered the, Girl Meets Bug blog, which is written by one Daniella Martin, a woman who is on a personal crusade to make insect eating hip. Or at least, not reviled.

Her blog covers all manner of related topics, from insectivorous recipes, to cultural critique, to suspenseful descriptions of her pet whip scorpion stalking and eating a grasshopper. Her writing is light and humorous and, as her (unfortunately short-lived) video cooking show proves, she's got a lot of charisma. The insect eating lifestyle couldn't ask for a better ambassador.

V.21 No.14 | 4/5/2012

Idiot Box

There’s Always Room for Jell-O

“Sweet Genius” on Food Network

It must be hard filling 24 hours a day, seven days a week with a particular type of programming. Which is probably why Syfy Channel hardly has any science fiction on it anymore. And when you try your damnedest to stick to a limited topic, you’re bound to come up with some pretty odd iterations on the theme. Which is why, I suspect, “Sweet Genius” exists on the Food Network.

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V.20 No.40 | 10/6/2011

4 p.m. Slump

Drunk cooking is the only real cooking

Continuing our slump series (thus far, there’s only one other part of this so-called “series”), I offer you My Drunk Kitchen. I would really like to party with this chick. She points out that the name of this dish just sounds dirty. I think that too! We could totally hang out.
V.20 No.18 | 5/5/2011

Food for Thought

Mom and the Green Stalk

Three easy asparagus recipes your mamma will love

A Mother’s Day brunch menu without asparagus is like a tailgate party without beer. Un-American, that is.
V.20 No.14 | 4/7/2011

Mina's Dish

Feed Reader

Cookbooks with zest for life

New cookbooks on cheesecake, American food and charcuterie