As I return from my jog I pass some bleachers. Two beautiful blonds call out to me: 'We're single! You're single!' I give them dual thumbs up and then trip and stumble as I continue on. I hear laughter. Later, inside, I recline on the couch in an embrace with the taller of the two. I am awestruck by her familiar beauty. She seems to be attracted to me too. Then I see the problem: she is crazy. She channels Napoleon and her bare skull face is tightly bound with many windings of dental floss.

Another day, another fatal APD shooting.

Former Gov. Gary Johnson is expected to announce his presidential bid soon.

I bet you didn't know that President Obama had brain surgery.

Utah Republican's cut unemployment insurance to motivate people to get back to work.

More bodies found on Long Island beaches.

Mom drives car into river, killing herself and her three children.

Why Mitt Romney won't win.

School in Chicago bans homemade lunches.

Congress removes rocky mountain wolf from endangered species list.

The title of this video is: Fat Security Guard Goes Crazy On Skaters.

Have you heard this new Beastie Boy's song yet?

Navy successfully tests new death ray.

Record Store Day is this Saturday.

China bans time-travel.

How organic labels trick your brain.

Jerry Lawson, inventor of the video game cartridge died this weekend.

A complete guide to who's ruining remaking your favorite comedies.

How to avoid dancing with people.

Don't buy one of these infinite capacity hard drives.

Taco Bell is testing nacho-flavored Doritos as taco shells!

Pictures from last week's Monsterpalooza.

Denny's has the best pancakes … and fights.

Happy birthday Tony Dow!!!

I wrote Rules for Driving in Albuquerque back in college while I was taking a public speaking class. My topic was “SUV’s and Why I Hate Them,” and the list wasn’t part of the assignment, but an afterthought. I lost a few years in there, so no original copy exists, but my commute daily from Belen to Albuquerque brings the list to mind.

From the best of my recollection this is the list (with apologies to Chuck Palahniuk):

The first rule of Albuquerque driving is you do not use turn signals.

The second rule of Albuquerque driving is you DO NOT USE TURN SIGNALS.

The third rule of Albuquerque driving is if you must use turn signals, use them incorrectly. For example, signal left, make hard right.

The fourth rule of Albuquerque driving is stop signs are optional.

The fifth rule of Albuquerque driving is never drive the speed limit. Drive maddeningly slow or dangerously fast. The middle shall not hold.

The sixth rule of Albuquerque driving is maintain a length of one quarter of a car length behind me on the freeway. What, are you reading my bumper sticker?!

The seventh rule of Albuquerque driving is green means go, yellow means go faster, red lights means stop but only after seven seconds.

The eighth rule of Albuquerque driving is why get a license plate when you can have a temporary tag forever. Trust me, temporary tags are very cool. I don’t understand why this last one hasn’t taken hold up in the northeast whites.

Please, drive safely. Be nice.

President Obama orders hospitals that receive govt. funding allow patients to determine their own next-of-kin, such as gay partners.

Apocalyptic volcano ash could ground flights in Europe through the weekend.

Christian music star comes out of the closet.

Campus thong thief caught with 79 pairs of teeny-tiny panties.

A guide to guitar god workouts.

Isotopes Stadium is called The Lab? Who decided this?

A study into estrogen, menopause and dementia. Dear Science: Please figure this out in the next 15 years. Thanks.

"The Daily Show" produces the only coverage of the Tea Party I can stand to watch.

Santa Fe had some T.P. counter-protesters.

It's Kareem Abdul Jabbar's birthday! Airplane!