fairy tales


V.25 No.12 | 03/24/2016

The Daily Word in Stoned Nuns, Killer Suns and Fairy Guns

The Daily Word

The sun could easily decide to go all superflare on our asses and screw up pretty much everything... But it probably won't.

Two Italian archaeologists have figured out what Jesus ate at the Last Supper. I smell the ultimate murder mystery dinner theater.

The city had crews out yesterday hunting down rabid troupes of tumbleweeds. I'm still crossing my fingers that a video will pop up of a city worker chasing down a loose one—in double-speed with the Benny Hill song in the background.

Not all corporate mascots can be as attractively designed and congenially mannered as Ronald McDonald or Toucan Sam. Take a look at the completely uninspired Bill Ding—mascot of a chain of construction supply stores in the 50's.

A 3D X-ray imaging technique has been used to decipher charred scrolls discovered in the mess left behind the eruption of Mount Vesuvius in AD79. While hunting for legible text, physicists discovered lead, pushing the date of the first known use of metallic ink back four centuries!

Last Friday in White Sands, the Army successfully tested out a new badass multi-mission missile launcher which can fire all sorts of different ammo types. Yippee! Remember kids: when you wish upon a Longbow Hellfire missile, your military industrial murder dreams come true!

The NRA has published its first reimagined fairy tales:” Little Red Riding Hood (Has a Gun)” and “Hansel and Gretel (Have Guns).” “The wolf leaned in, jaws open wide, then stopped suddenly. Those big ears heard the unmistakable sound of a shotgun's safety being clicked off.” Nuff said.

A rare bread mold can be used to produce a material that will change the future of rechargeable batteries. I hear bread mold gets you high, too.

Check out this awesome photography collection of Californian nuns growing dope by Shaughn Crawford and John Dubois. Praise Him!

A Las Cruces Unitarian church got a cinder block through their window after putting up “Black Lives Matter” signs. Sometimes, it's hard to remember that we're living in the twenty-first century.

V.18 No.36 | 9/3/2009

News

The Daily Word 09.07.09: Cadbury Lunch, Forest Turtle, Peter Lawford Sings.

The Daily Word

Kraft tried to buy Cadbury but couldn’t. The Cadbury Lunch was my favorite candybar as a kid: Cadbury chocolate, raisins and crunchy cookie bits. They don’t make it anymore.

The Arakan forest turtle prevails against claims of extinction.

Fairy tales have ancient roots.

Science fun alert. Here are 13 things that don’t make sense, and 13 more things that don’t make sense.

Dear Lord, don’t let Obama make a boring speech to our children.

Motown turns 50, and the party is officially over. Go home.

A deadly car smashed into a Northeast Heights home, barely not killing several adorable children.

Accused would-be-rapist James Lutz waved to his intended victim from the Carl’s Jr. parking lot.

Shinbone music is still popular, according the the New Mexican’s Christine Huffman.

The backlash begins against Michael Cera. And rightly so.

You can play kickball in the comfort of your own tri-cultural, roughly rectangular Southwestern state.

“He’s dead, Jim.” A body was found in Santa Fe.

It’s Peter Lawford’s birthday. Here he is singing “Age of Aquarius” for some reason.