Hillary Clinton has won the Democratic presidential nomination!

Happy World Oceans Day!

These are the two Swedish Stanford students who caught Brock Turner in the middle of attempting to rape an unconscious woman.

A father penned a response to the letter from Brock Turner's father.

Facebook is censoring a meme calling Brock Turner what he is.

A local man set fire to his apartment to escape the noise of his neighbors having sex.

American Apparel is launching #MakeAmericaGayAgain for Pride.

Raul Torrez won the Democratic nomination for Bernalillo County District Attorney.

Republicans feel "fear and loathing" for Trump.

Mishandled sexual assault cases are at epidemic proportions in NY schools.

Pussy Riot may be out of prison, but their work is far from over.

Conrad Alvin Barrett's getting charged with a hate crime, and he thought he was just playing a game.

A Louisiana man, who was in the middle of a custody battle for his four children, shot and killed three people before killing himself.

Monsignor William Lynn's case involving priest-sex abuse charges was overturned, and he could get released as early as this week after spending 18 months behind bars.

Utah wants to take same-sex marriage ruling to the US Supreme Court.

Speaking of same-sex marriage, now that it's legal in New Mexico, does that mean a boost in tourism?

Robert Ortiz, after drunkenly rolling his Chevy Blazer, goes into a giggle fit when cops issue a sobriety test. Oh, and he also has 10 DWI arrests to his name.

Thanks to good road crews, descansos remain on the highways.

A father in Virginia reported to local news that his son found pornographic images on a Nintendo gaming system he got for Christmas. Sorry buddy.

A U.S. district judge has ruled New York's “stop-and-frisk” procedures unconstitutional due to unfair racial profiling.

Some luxury resort condominiums collapsed in a massive sinkhole near Disney World. So far no injuries have been reported.

After James L. DiMaggio was shot dead over the weekend, resulting in Hannah Anderson being found safe in Idaho, authorities reveal that DiMaggio's father once held a teenager at gunpoint in the '80s.

After spending a year and a half in a coma, Dutch Prince Johan Friso died this morning.

Hey Mr. DJ, is this your equipment we found on Craigslist?

Let the record show that if you wave a stun gun at your son in the front yard, you're probably going to get probation.

The city introduced a plan to provide $2.4 million a year to rebuild APD. The bill will be brought to the public at the Aug. 19 City Council meeting.

Just a few leadership lessons from Vince Gilligan, creator of AMC's “Breaking Bad.”

A woman looking to get new boobs takes to the streets!

If I purchase a bunch of bananas with ginger-root-like extensions, my fiancée’s father will have the $98 needed to come visit us.

I bought a new computer on Monday. It took me all day to find one, and part of Sunday.

It was an important purchase. I’ve been working out of the house lately and my two laptop computers, ages five and eight, just weren’t doing the job anymore. An abacus is more technologically advanced.

Always a man of intense passion, I found myself screaming at the elderly laptops when they would freeze, crash, inexplicably shut off.

This is one of my many shortcomings: I scream at inanimate objects when they don’ t do what I want them to do. My father is a machine screamer too. It’s irrational, immature and, now that some people have moved in downstairs, quite embarrassing.

I searched high and low for a cure for my malady stricken machines: antivirus programs, registry cleaners, etc. I’m sure there are some tech nerds out their rolling their eyes at this, thinking, “What a Jackass. All he needed to do was….”

Technology isn’t really my strong suit.

One day, after seeing my hateful face reflected in the spittle that had collected on the screen of one of the damnable machines I thought, “There has to be a better way.”

The cat sat on the couch through all of this, directing a steady gaze at me that said, “You’re such an Asshole.”

And now this asshole has a brand new $400 computer. I know that seems cheap, but when your net worth is $1200, it’s a sizable investment.

Now what do I do with the now retired laptops? They are full of music but I’m afraid of transferring it to the new computer, lest it be infected with the malignant funk that befell the old machines. I could borrow a friend’s gun (I own no guns for obvious reasons) and blast the things into dust, but that wouldn’t be green. They cannot be sold, as the even the crack fiends who broke into my house two months ago didn’t take them, crack fiends being necessarily tech-savvy. (Electronics provide a large amount of their income.) I was thinking of sending them off to the third world for some underprivileged kids, but why make their lives worse.

More than likely, the computers will sit in my house forever, as I am a borderline hoarder. Eventually they will be joined by the sparkly new machine on which I write this.