1) Create a picture of a candy heart that says something dirty. I made mine say Ass Wipe and I’m going to send it to the Lady. Remember, though: it’s only a picture. It’s not real.
2) You can write an I Saw You ad on Love Bird and it will run in the Alibi next week. It’s free. If you read one that says something something Ass Wipe, that’s from me. It’s for you.
3) The oldest trick in the book: draw a picture.
4) Write a shitty poem about witches.
5) Make a tiny terrarium inside a lightbulb.
6) Two words: back rub.
7) Find some pretty rocks in the driveway.