How To

how to

V.25 No.10 | 03/10/2016

How to Fix a Problem

Because you obviously can't fix your problems on your own

Step 1: Identify the problem.
Substep A: Is that really the problem? If so, why is it a problem?
Step 2: Begin addressing the problem.
Substep B: Identify the part that is actually a problem.
Sub-substep a: Where/when does the issue begin?
Substep C: Realize that this will take time. Nothing is fixed overnight except sleepiness (Unless you have insomnia, then that sucks for you, bro.).
Step 3: Work on fixing the problem. If you can do anything about it, break it down into manageable parts.
Substep D: Where does the problem begin? With yourself? Or an exterior thing?
Substep E: If it's an exterior thing, does it really need to be changed? Can you actually change it?
Step 4: Is it solved?
Substep F: If yes, then continue to work on it, or at least keep an eye on it. Things regress easily, so you have to stay on top of it. Over time, it gets easier—depending on the problem.
Substep G: If no, begin this process again.
Step 5: If the problem still isn't fixed, it isn't where you think it is. Think critically or ask an outside source that has no connection to your problem (i.e. Me because I don't give a shit about your issues, mostly.)
Substep H: Begin the process again.
Step 6: Have a glass of water because you've been working really hard and you should rest for a bit.
Step 7: Congratulate yourself on what a great job you've done and are still doing. Even if you slip up, it's totally fine. Just stay on it, you'll be a-okay.

Make sense? Didn't think so. I'll give you a too real, personal experience and add where I applied each step as I saw it (which will probably be different for everyone, so don't be a dick and criticize me) over the years. That's right, years. Keep an eye out, though, the steps aren't always in order because life isn't in order, son! It's wacky and awful and fantastic, so hold onto your panties (that's the saying, right?), this is gonna be a weird and kinda sad ride.

So I kept trying to make plans with my childhood friend and she wasn't ever responding in a helpful way. What I mean is, she would occasionally hang out with me but never consistently and she also wouldn't respond to me whenever I wanted to talk to her. (Step 1) Like she wouldn't pick up the phone or respond to my texts or IMs. (Substep A) I got problems that I need to talk out with my femmey friends! Not to mention we've been friends forever. And she was ignoring me? No bueno.

(Step 2) So I asked her what was up! Why was she ignoring me? I mean, I knew she was involved with her boyfriend's life, but whatever happened to staying loyal to your friends, too? You know? She told me it was nothing personal, she was just busy with school. She was so close to graduating and getting her thesis done, she had no time to hang with anyone.

Alright... So I waited. And waited. And waited.

(Substep B) After graduation, we hung out for a little bit until she got “busy” again. (Sub-substep a) She had recently broken up with her long-time, super-shitty boyfriend and now was dating someone new (who is really cool and nice and sweet AF). This isn't new with her, she always would do that when she started dating someone new. And don't we all? It's just, personally, I think usually most of us move past that phase of just wanting to be around our partner. Like they're cool but also friends before Bens/Jens (not all my friends are straight so I had to come up with a more inclusive rhyme).

(Substep C) So I waited again. And waited. And waited. And waited.

Now it was the end of summer and a lot of our mutual, childhood friends were leaving town within a month or two. (Step 3) All of us began inviting her out a lot, and she kept reminding us that she doesn't like to go out to bars and stuff because (Substep E) that's the “single life” which isn't true but whatever. (Substep D) So we would invite her to other stuff, like just hanging out at home or go on walks or something and (Step 4) still, (basically) nada. She wasn't even there for their goodbye parties. It was really heartbreaking for me. I had to unfollow her on all social media platforms because I just couldn't deal with the idea of her not loving us, or me, how she used to.

So we all had been through this process for years. We got to Substep G and Substep H so many times so I'm just gunna move on to the last (missing) step.

So recently, another friend and I were talking about this and he said that (Step 5) she had new friends. They're interested in what she's interested in and they live basically the same lifestyle as she does and have the same ideas about life as she does. I can't be mad at that, you know? That's what happens as you get older. We're all just looking for a like-minded clan. I mean, I think we'll always be friends, but never how we used to be. That's fine, too. Now I have room for new people in my life who are more similar to me and challenge me in different and new ways and are fun in the way that I need people to be fun.

V.24 No.3 |


The Daily Word in how to do literally everything, APD and Lars von Trier

The Daily Word

We want to teach you how to do everything. Our first effort toward that lofty goal is the first installment of our How to Do Literally Everything issue.

Amelia Olson drops mad skin care kitchen science.

M. Brianna Stallings proposes strategies for surviving ABQ Ride.

Eva Avenue hips you to how to score work as an extra.

Carrie Murphy, a local doula, shares her guidance in creating your birth plan.

Mark Lopez teaches you how to make mixed media masterpieces.

And I want to show you how to fall in love with music again.

Test your knowledge of an APD shooting that made international headlines with this week's Crib Notes.

In other Alibi-related news, contributing writer David Correia was interviewed by website The Real News Network about the struggle against police brutality in Albuquerque. Read more on the subject in his Alibi articles "Is There Justice For James Boyd?" and "Life and Death and APD: Albuquerque's police violence problem."

"Chaos reigns."

But both the theatrical and extended cuts of Lars von Trier's Nymphomaniac Volumes I and II are streaming on Netflix. Plus Antichrist and Melancholia. Not convinced? Scope our reviews of Nymphomaniac Volume I and II and Melancholia. Now take your antidepressants and screen some film.

Download OTD = London-based label Blackest Ever Black's latest show on Berlin Community Radio

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How to Survive ABQ Ride

Public transportation is an environmentally friendly, money-saving choice, but it can be freaky out there. M. Brianna Stallings’ tips help take the edge off.

How to Do Literally Everything

How to Construct Mixed Media Masterpieces

Staff writer Mark Lopez shows you how to create eye-popping art with car wax, Elmer’s glue and some old magazines.
Robert Maestas

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How to Fall in Love with Music Again

Music editor Samantha Anne Carrillo gives away her secrets to finding new music.