Here's a list of local holiday closures to help you figure out when to put out your trash and stuff.

The Rio Grande is bone-dry in southern New Mexico.

Santa Fe's plastic bag ban takes effect February 27th 2014.

The Johnny Tapia film is coming soon.

NSA has 100% access to your iPhone. Messages, contacts—and they can remotely turn it into a listening device. Not cool.

Ariel Castro's neighbor was a murder-raping pig and he is going to jail.

Michael Schumacher is getting relatively better after his terrible skiing accident.

There is now a better cardboard box, people.

Cab Calloway's lexicon of hip will make you the life of the party before you cop a final.

Weed stores will open their doors in Denver tomorrow.

Dig this totally righteous anti-Nazi Christmas card from 1943.

You will need this guide to identifying and hiding from drones.

Buy Chuck Norris' house.

A tanker train exploded in North Dakota.

"The octopus-man would make a fine policeman or soldier ...."

New Mexico joined other states in ordering ticketbites.com to stop running an unlicensed insurance business.

The Tres Lagunas Fire likely to get worse today.

The Thompson Ridge Fire outside Jemez Springs is getting larger.

UNM professor's "too fat to study" tweet: part of a research project?

New Jersey man (dressed in Nazi uniform) went to court in an attempt to get custody of his five kids (one named Adolf Hitler Campbell, another named JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell) from the state.

A bank employee in Austria lost 90,000 euros in a racing river.

This family may lose their pet deer.

Here is the Guardian reporter's recording of Michael Douglas saying HPV contracted from cunnilingus caused his oral cancer.

Price of normally cheap Doxycycline has skyrocketed due to shortage of the old school antibiotic, which is also the first treatment for Lyme disease.

Classic fifties Civil Defense film advocates keeping a tidy house in case of an atomic explosion.

More humans messing with manatees news.

Huge copyright troll Prenda Law is accused of uploading porn videos to torrent sites themselves and then suing people who downloaded those videos.

Firesign Theater's Peter Bergman died.

Vintage covers from lesbian pulp novels.

The first Santa Fe spice arrest.

Steven Seagal is being sued.

Another unexplained light phenomenon appeared over Phoenix.

Delicious sounding egg in an onion ring. *[8pm]original site is down because everyone wants to know how to make these delicious eggs.

The stoning of Iraqi emo kids has begun.

Rush Limbaugh and other conservative talk show hosts are losing advertisers faster than fleas jumping off a dead rat.

The Iran War Clock.

No cowbells or saxophones allowed under Nazi rules for jazz.

Watch this guy completely lose his shit over a role playing game.

Dick Clark's nifty Flintstones home is for sale.

"Himalayan Viagra" wars.

Today is the anniversary of the earthquake and tsunami that hit Japan in 2011.

Yesterday's election results here.

Assassination plot #587 against Afghan President Hamid Karzai foiled.

Some good news for Democrats.

It totally rained yesterday!

Can having incompetent lawyers invalidate your death-penalty sentence? I'm asking for a friend.

House Republicans triple the budget to defend the Defense of Marriage Act.

Anonymous may or may not attack the New York Stock Exchange.

Bad news for fans of blowjobs.

Andrew Breibart tries to link President Obama to the New Black Panther Party.

Nazis are being hunted again in Germany.

Astronomers use science the test the legend of Frankenstein's birth.

Israeli scientists win the chemistry Nobel prize for the discovery of quasicrystals.

Apple announced an updated iPhone yesterday, but I'm more interested in this 24-year-old video that foretells many of the new phone's features.

Meet Sesame Street's new food insecure muppet.

Disney will be releasing more animated classics as 3D re-releases.

NBA preseason is cancelled as labor talks put the rest of the regular season is in jeopardy.

I thought this was a crazy fever-dream, but Popeye's is introducing scoop-shaped chicken nuggets.

Ten classic books that were originally rejected by publishers.

It turns out buying groceries at a drug store is a bad deal.

This year's 20 best microphotos.

Are your Facebook statuses interesting?

WIll this current season be the last for The Simpsons?

Two restaurants frequented by my creepy uncle are locked in a legal battle.

Hey Emily, did you see the Coen brothers are making a TV show?

Happy Birthday Larry Fine!!!

Man found dead with his throat cut near Mountain and Sixth Street.

Guy goes to the lost and found at Sandia Casino looking for his cocaine.

Bears in Roswell and Belen.

AIDS vaccine works in monkeys. A human vaccine may be just around the corner.

Paramedic says he was discriminated against because of his beard in Española. He's a Sikh, and it's part of his religion.

The M-I-crooked letter-crooked letter-I-crooked letter-crooked letter-crooked letter-I-humpback-humpback-I River is flooding at historic levels.

Guard for Nazi camp was charged with 28,060 counts of accessory to murder. He was sentenced to five years in prison.

Google lobbies for self-driving cars. Guess Google never watched the "Doctor Who" episode about the ATMOS system in cars.

This technology can read your mind.

World wastes more than a billion tons of food every year.

Bin Laden's diary (crushes revealed! jk).

Dems try to repeal tax incentives for big oil, given the companies are seeing profit.

APS releases next year's budget, plans on cutting more than 400 jobs.

The man killed by APD yesterday was armed with a plastic kitchen spoon.

President Obama still enjoying the post-bin Laden assassination popularity boost.

Eight-month-old gets an enhanced pat-down at Kansas City airport.

Donald Trump doesn't know what the 13 stripes represent on the American flag.

Interesting visualization of the spread of Osama bin Laden death news thru twitter.

Ten-year-old kills his neo-nazi father.

Because sometimes it's better when your favorite TV show gets cancelled.

History of people who use the internet to convince others to commit suicide.

The truth about Groupon.

Let your kids eat some junk food already!

Man found living on roof of a Georgia Waffle House.

Read all about the Old Man of the Lake.

The most hipster state in the US is …

Are you fat enough for the new Triple Double Oreo?

Bristol Palin had surgery that gave her a new chin, but don't worry, it was for medical reasons.

Saddest mugshot ever.

Social networking cigarettes.

Slow motion video of some dudes playing with a six foot water balloon.

Equisetum is the oldest genus of land plant, over 100 million years old.

Soul Caliber 5 is coming next year.

The validity of the legal advice from Jay-Z's 99 Problems.

New retro-cartoon channel to launch 'soon.'

The burger of the future.

Who watches the Watchponies?

Happy Birthday Jeffrey Donovan!!!

I was leafing through People Magazine today (oh, sinful Fridays!) and I happened upon a tirelessly researched, five-paragraph-long article about Brad Pitt trashing Tom Cruise's movie.

Pitt is in the recently released Quentin Tarantino WWII flick Inglourious Basterds. While promoting the movie, an interviewer asked the Hollywood hunk what he thought of Tom Cruise's friendly Nazi film Valkyrie. "It was a ridiculous movie," Pitt responded.

I smell a cat fight! Let's hope these two A-listers settle it with a greased up, mud wrestling match. My money's on Cruise. That guy is totally insane.