V.24 No.42 | 10/15/2015

The Daily Word in the future is the present, who killed the four-year-old, and good old MJ

The Daily Word

Today is Back to the Future day, but no one is in a hovercraft.

A road rage incident has the city in shock. There is now new information on the suspect.

A realistic portrayal of what Trump would do with his first 100 days in office.

Jaden Smith plans to disappear. Please don't leave us, you are an irreplaceable voice of insight in the blind modern day Hollywood.

Joe Biden isn't running for president, and lots of people are surprised.

Dogs go to Utah instead of Heaven.

Listen to Smooth Criminal played on traditional Japanese instruments.

V.24 No.3 | 1/15/2015

Book Review

Texts from a Hilarious Mind

Texts From Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters

A simple premise—literary characters and authors texting—leads to hilarious results.
V.23 No.28 | 7/10/2014


Wherein a reader writes in protest of Alibi coverage of American rock musician Ted Nugent, and the Alibi clarifies the intent behind a controversial cover illustration.
V.20 No.40 | 10/6/2011

3 p.m. Slump

Rick Perry on food

Science confirmed yesterday that late afternoon sucks. (Also, that the world collectively experiences emotion over days, weeks and seasons. Scientists tracked it with social media.)

With that in mind, I give you this video, guaranteed to make your 3:30 p.m. a little easier. The Alibi’s got your back.

V.20 No.18 | 5/5/2011

Book Review

Closing in on Death

An inconclusive report on the lifestyles of the rich and famous


It is peculiar that Jessica Hagedorn's fourth novel, Toxicology, is preceded by epigraphs about Lorca's idea of the duende—an enigmatic Spanish term "about the struggle and state of possession that go into making great art," as one of her characters puts it. "Duende's hard to explain. Sorta like when black singers are said to have soul." It’s peculiar because as the story unfolds, we are introduced to artists who have lost their passion—base creatures posing under the guise of genius whose real struggle seems to be between hedonism and self-pity.

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V.20 No.10 |


Fake Gov. Susana Martinez, real Gov. Susana Martinez

There are two pretend guvs on Twitter.

At least, the Alibi hopes they're pretend. Because no one should outlaw Don Schrader's booty shorts. Our official editorial policy is firmly in favor of those shorts. Anonymous sources confirm: The other apparel option is nekkidness.

Susana2014 aims to offer insight into Martinez' internal world.

SusanaLaTejana writes in haiku.

In actual news, real ex-Gov. Bill Richardson is pissed at real Gov. Martinez for being disrespectful to him.

There's also a fake CoachLocksley.

And a clearly labeled FakeAbqPolice.

Know of any other satirical Twitters?

V.20 No.5 | 2/3/2011

Plutocracy for New Mexico

Tricks of the Trade

Disclaimer: What follows is satire. It bears no resemblance to reality.

The sun is shining, and the streets of Santa Fe are heavy with the smell of freshly smarmed lobbyists. Practitioners of the world’s oldest profession are dusting off their sequined handbags, and even John Arthur Smith is smiling.

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V.19 No.51 | 12/23/2010


Miss D’s gift of health

While perusing the sweatshop-produced underthings at Retail-Giant-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named recently, I stumbled upon a product that absolutely delighted my inner capitalist: diabetes socks.

A staggering number of people have diabetes. People with diabetes buy socks.

Ergo: diabetes socks.

The beautiful calligraphy on the product’s purple packaging alerted me to the fact that these were diabetes socks for her. The self-described “health socks” claim to promote circulation via a “non-binding top.” In other words, these socks achieve their therapeutic effects by fitting poorly.

At $8 a pop, diabetes socks for her make a pricey little stocking stuffer. Come to think of it, why not just nail a diabetes sock to the mantle and use it as a stocking? Maybe Santa will stuff it with Levamir insulin pens (up to $600 per box), a month’s supply of the oral diabetes medication Actos ($230 for the lowest dose), and a new kidney (priceless).

Diabetes socks inspire me, and chances are they inspire you too. So do you want to stimulate the economy and fight disease this holiday season? Check out my new line of home health products hitting shelves just in time for the holiday season. These featured products make terrific gifts, so pick one up at your neighborhood Retail-Giant-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named today!

Depression recliner for her: Made from special resilient materials that can withstand constant pressure from the prone bodies of the emotionally immobilized. Mood-lifting color options include mauve and spring blossom.

“Down There” infection toilet for her: Built-in chemical sensors alert users to vaginal, urinary, or sexually transmitted infections. Bonus: detects pregnancy. Choose from enchanting colors like winter ivory and baby’s bottom.

Elevated BMI panties for her: Silken, moisture-wicking fabric won’t irritate abdominal or gluteal folds. Colors include whispering kitten and sleeping child.

Anemia cookware for her: Now you can treat your iron-deficiency anemia without leaving your kitchen! Iron-clad cooking surface with heat-resistant handles in stunning red finish.

Heart disease dental floss for her: Research shows that flossing helps prevent heart disease. Exploiting that fact on your product’s package makes it even more true! Fluffy texture won’t hurt fingers or gums. You are a woman, so floss like one! Comes in fun colors like pinched cheek, downy rose and newborn cry,

Alcoholism SUV for her: Clinically proven to help you drive off your hangover AND get your kids to school on time. Sleek exterior, spacious interior, and standard features like GPS, DVD player, and minibar. Four classic colors: Champagne, cool cosmo, boxed wine and Morning After.

Anti-aging full body condom for her: Protect yourself from harmful environmental exposures like sun, pollution, and contact with others. In flattering colors like Little Black Dress, prowling cougar, bashful blush, fancy flirt, gentle sigh, and estrogen.

Breast cancer beer for her: OMG IT’S PINK!!!!!!!!

Happy Holidays!

V.19 No.45 | 11/11/2010
Susana Martinez

Plutocracy for New Mexico

The Liberal Shades of Our New Guv

You hoped. You prayed. You clutched your little Brian Colón bobblehead as you went to bed on Nov. 1.

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V.19 No.18 |


The Daily Word 05.06.10: Lawrence Taylor arrested, red-light cams, Gov. Richardson on TV

The Daily Word

Hall of Fame linebacker Lawrence Taylor arrested after being accused of raping a 15-year-old girl.

No detailed environmental analysis of the Gulf of Mexico drilling op. Government was pretty sure an oil spill was unlikely.

The red-light cameras will stay up for a while longer.

Round one of health reform might not put a big dent in the number of uninsured N.M. people.

PBS talk show host Tavis Smiley gives Richardson a hard time after the guv says Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer and Sen. John McCain are nice people.

Same-sex Massachusetts couples go to court today to ask that their marriages be recognized by the federal government.

North Valley man arrested more than 100 times for alcohol-related incidents. Only one was a DWI.

Drones secretly allowed to attack more targets in Pakistan, including suspected militants whose names are not known.

The House minority leader's name is John A. Boehner. He'll deliver "the toughest critique by a Republican leader of the Obama administration's approach to terrorism."

Times Square bomb suspect cooperative, says Attorney General Eric Holder.

Congress has Wall Street on the ropes.

Facebook's embarrassing security hole.

Grow a garden on a wall.

The government defines hunger.

G*&$#S&m Mother*$%&#*!g Supreme Court

V.19 No.7 | 2/18/2010
I’m using my Personal Freedom Minutes to make my face do this.

Letter From the Editor: Personal Freedom Minutes

Hi everyone! As my first truly official act as Editor in Chief, I'm instituting a new companywide mandate: Personal Freedom Minutes! During Personal Freedom Minutes, I encourage you all to take the last 10 to 15 minutes before 5 p.m. on Wednesday to do whatever it is that satisfies your unique senses of Personal Freedom. Whether that's brushing your hair, eating candy purchased from a company-approved dispensary or speaking above a hoarse whisper, these Minutes are yours and yours alone to engage in, so long as they don't interfere with any other employee's Personal Freedom Minutes; company policy; local, state and national law; or international sanctions. So go ahead, enjoy your remaining 5 Minutes of Personal Freedom! You’ve earned it.

V.19 No.2 | 1/14/2010

Eavesdropper: Furniture Metaphors

Last night, a late ’50s businessman was talking to a very similar man over dinner while their wives held their own private conversation. Words like “proactive” were used. The passionate business sentiment that nearly forced miso through my sinuses went something like:

“The stool has three legs: Hard work, ambition and positive attitude. Without one of those legs, the stool only has two legs. And it just falls over. It just FALLS OVER. I rest my case!”

The Stool of Success, friends.

Cousin to the Triumphant Ottoman and its four stumpy, righteous legs: justice, fairness, rules and right.

Neighbor to the Office Chair of Achievement and its four determined wheels: goal-creation, talent, proficiency and performance.

In the same motivational family as the Fainting Couch of Favorable Outcomes and its three velvet cushions: luck, lethargy and low-ball estimations.

Best friend to the Nightstand of Just Getting By and its drawers of depression, grit and faint hope.

I smell a Disney film coming on. Wait, didn’t they already do talking furniture?

Make your own motivational furniture analogies!

I rest my case.

V.18 No.50 | 12/10/2009

From the Foxhole

Bless Our Drones

Editor’s Note: This is a work of satire.

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