Self-defense shootings ("justifiable homicides") almost doubled in ABQ last year. A staggering 8! I recommend locking your doors and being distrustful of anyone outside of your immediate family.

Some dummies go to trial after breaking off King Tut's beard and trying to glue it back on.

Author Eric Weiner (no relation) says if you want to make a genius, you need a city with lots of bars and coffee houses, but not too many parents. Oh. And earth-shattering catastrophes help, too.

Weather Warning: X-Files premieres tonight after more than a decade. Nerds prepare for loss of control over all bodily functions. Wear galoshes.

Roller skating is a thing in ABQ once more. It's good to know that junior-high kids will have a place to make out.

There's one thing that keeps me up at night, nursing my regret: I've never been to a Donald Trump rally on acid. Thank you, internet.

Psychiatrists at Columbia University suggest that schizophrenia can be diagnosed earlier by listening to a patient's use of language.

Authorities scramble to rescue two separate groups of lost hikers in the Sandias. Our thoughts go with them.

Today is Back to the Future day, but no one is in a hovercraft.

A road rage incident has the city in shock. There is now new information on the suspect.

A realistic portrayal of what Trump would do with his first 100 days in office.

Jaden Smith plans to disappear. Please don't leave us, you are an irreplaceable voice of insight in the blind modern day Hollywood.

Joe Biden isn't running for president, and lots of people are surprised.

Dogs go to Utah instead of Heaven.

Listen to Smooth Criminal played on traditional Japanese instruments.

A couple of coked up transvestites were involved in a shootout near the NSA headquarters.

According to Amtrak, the Southwest Chief is still going to run through New Mexico, despite previous plans to exclude the state.

There was a shootout at Applebee's on Academy last night involving two rival biker "clubs." Witnesses refused to cooperate with investigators. It probably didn't go quite like this:

The “Daily Show” has a new host.

Selfie sticks have been banned at two of the nation’s largest music festivals.

Scientists and artists are working together to better discern patterns in digital data.

Here’s how our brains help us bounce back from a nasty breakup.

When it comes to Scientology and real estate, there’s no such thing as too big.

Recent DNA testing confirms infidelity in Richard III’s lineage.

Burritos of the stars.

Check out these animal mosh pits.

Warren Beatty turns 78 today!

Exculpating evidence suggests no criminal charges will be filed in the Bruce Jenner traffic fatality.

Kanye tried to interrupt Beck’s Grammy Award accpetance speech.

I am so tired of all the complaining.

Go, Riverdale.

What would you pay for Abe Lincolns hair?

Learn how to escape from a moving car.

When you microwave humans the brains are always cold in the middle.

Goodbye, Tent City.

A shoplifter was shot on Menaul.

Happy birthday, Brian Donlevy.

You're probably cleaning your vagina all wrong.

Your Samsung TV might be spying on you. No, seriously. It's listening.

It's a sad day for Chinese food and fast locomotives.

New England has run out of places to put snow.

Blood type and brain function: something else to worry about.

Ozzy Osbourne's bat karma has caught up to him.

Darth Vader's toilet is free on Craigslist in Albuquerque.

The Patriots won the Super Bowl.

The Super Bowl commercials were bland this year.

Bruce Jenner is transitioning into life as a woman.

A new dinosaur was discovered in China.

An Albuquerque toddler shot his parents with a handgun.

Here are the rules for buying food with love at McDonald’s.

Tablets and phones might damage toddlers’ brains.

Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow this morning.

Here are five things you didn’t know about Groundhog Day, the movie.

A ‘Power Rangers’ actor is accused of killing his roommate with a sword.

Our next alibi issue is our special love issue and will feature sex toy reviews by members of the alibi staff. In the meantime, here are a few sex toys you may want to stay away from.

Vladimir Putin has resumed the war in Ukraine.

Back in December, the Russian court banned the music and artwork of Cannibal Corpse.

You can see Cannibal Corpse in the land of the free tonight at the Sunshine theater, along with Behemoth, Aeon, and Tribulation.

APD officer Keith Sandy joked about shooting James Boyd in the penis before fatally shooting him in the chest. No he didn’t, says the Albuquerque Police Department. Yes he totally frigging did, says Keith Sandy.

Texans will soon arm themselves with crossbows to protect New Mexican pumpkins from wild pigs. This is not one of Nostradmus’s more obscure prophecies, but actually a real thing that’s happening. h/t Dukecityfix.

Cooking With Pooh and 24 more completely inappropriate (but real!) children’s books.

The new Left Behind movie has scored a rare and coveted blurb from Satan himself.

Here’s a new reason to freak out about ebola this week: Freak out!

Super-successful joke maker Seth MacFarlane made a (honestly not-very good) joke about New Mexico last night. News 13 is on the case!

More nuevomexicanos live in poverty this year compared to last. And we're still the second-most impoverished state in the nation.

The Grey Lady covers the National Police Shooting Championships and surrounding protest.

The Isotopes struck a four-year deal with the Colorado Rockies.

Scope our inaugural Cannabis Issue in print or online for editorials on politics and policy and arts and economics, a N.M. MMJ primer, a cannabis timeline, a compilation of weed quotes and more.

James Gandolfini would have turned 53 years old today. We sure do miss you, boss.

Today, we will begin with a bear walking on his hind legs in a quiet cul-de-sac.

Then, the noise of metal on metal and gunfire; cell phone footage from the latest police shooting.

An experimental serum has improved the conditions of two ebola-infected aid workers in Africa.

The clink of spoons on ceramics is silenced as Albuquerque’s first and only cereal bar closes up shop.

A controversial billboard for a plastic surgeon in Ann Arbor has been vandalized with a body-positive message.

And 13 years of warfare have not made us any safer.

It's Wednesday, March 26,

and yesterday, hundreds of people turned out to protest the fatal shooting of James Boyd by Albuquerque police,

so APD showed its willingness to take citizens' concerns seriously by immediately shooting and killing another person,

meanwhile, Her Enlightened Beingness Gwyneth Paltrow would like for her readers to know that she and husband Chris Martin will be "consciously uncoupling," or, as mortals call it,"divorcing,"

and kangaroos are invading Romania,

dog sex remains utterly weird and awful,

and Robert Basler of the Santa Fe Reporter isn't sure whether New Mexican food actually exists.

Have a great day.

No debris has been found after the second day of an international search for missing Malaysia flight MH370.

I want an $80 million golden parachute!

A motel on the Jersey shore caught fire this morning, leaving at least three people dead and others injured.

Officers in Hawaii want to keep having sex with prostitutes.

Doris Lark, 71, and Floy Watson, 74, say they didn't steal the scrapbooks.

A pedestrian was killed last night while trying to cross I-40 near Route 66 Casino.

A man has been put in jail after he allegedly “targeted” an Albuquerque police officer and his family.

A video of the Foothills shooting on March 16 has surfaced.

A woman withdrew her membership to Planet Fitness because they told her that her body was too rockin'.

President Obama says he will “end the National Security Agency’s ability to store phone data collected from millions of Americans.” Sure …

A 4-year-old girl in Detroit accidentally shot and killed her 4-year old cousin.

In case you haven't heard, the 2014 Academy Award nominations are out!

A voting law in Pennsylvania that would require people to show photo ID's at the polls was struck down.

ABQ police are on the lookout for man claiming to be a UNM photography student who takes photos of girls.

Congress has cut funding for horse slaughter operations by passing a $1.1 trillion budget bill that prohibits the Department of Agriculture from spending money on inspectors for equine facilities.

In the aftermath of Tuesday's Berrendo Middle School shooting in Roswell, N.M., police are looking at suspect Mason Campbell's Instagram page to see if it bears any relevance.

Elias Montoya, a New Mexico State Police officer who was fired for opening fire on a minivan full of kids in Taos, gives his side of the story.

Princess, a football-predicting camel, dies weeks ahead of Super Bowl. RIP.

President Obama says he will “end the National Security Agency’s ability to store phone data collected from millions of Americans.” Sure …

A 4-year-old girl in Detroit accidentally shot and killed her 4-year old cousin.

In case you haven't heard, the 2014 Academy Award nominations are out!

A voting law in Pennsylvania that would require people to show photo ID's at the polls was struck down.

ABQ police are on the lookout for man claiming to be a UNM photography student who takes photos of girls.

Congress has cut funding for horse slaughter operations by passing a $1.1 trillion budget bill that prohibits the Department of Agriculture from spending money on inspectors for equine facilities.

In the aftermath of Tuesday's Berrendo Middle School shooting in Roswell, N.M., police are looking at suspect Mason Campbell's Instagram page to see if it bears any relevance.

Elias Montoya, a New Mexico State Police officer who was fired for opening fire on a minivan full of kids in Taos, gives his side of the story.

Princess, a football-predicting camel, dies weeks ahead of Super Bowl. RIP.

President Obama says he will “end the National Security Agency’s ability to store phone data collected from millions of Americans.” Sure …

A 4-year-old girl in Detroit accidentally shot and killed her 4-year old cousin.

In case you haven't heard, the 2014 Academy Award nominations are out!

A voting law in Pennsylvania that would require people to show photo ID's at the polls was struck down.

ABQ police are on the lookout for man claiming to be a UNM photography student who takes photos of girls.

Congress has cut funding for horse slaughter operations by passing a $1.1 trillion budget bill that prohibits the Department of Agriculture from spending money on inspectors for equine facilities.

In the aftermath of Tuesday's Berrendo Middle School shooting in Roswell, N.M., police are looking at suspect Mason Campbell's Instagram page to see if it bears any relevance.

Elias Montoya, a New Mexico State Police officer who was fired for opening fire on a minivan full of kids in Taos, gives his side of the story.

Princess, a football-predicting camel, dies weeks ahead of Super Bowl. RIP.

The NSA is still watching you masturbate/plot terrorist attacks/play minesweeper, even if your computer is offline.

In the far future, you will tell your children that January 15, 2014 was the day you first heard of the Great Banana Caper.

Life-sized robot baby teaches innocent passersby that children are evil and should never be approached, no matter how pathetically they cry.

More proof that children are evil: Nasty notes from the under-10 set. "Sorry because of nothing."

The attorney representing a former police officer who shot and killed a man for texting in a movie theater is arguing that the shooter was actually a victim in fear for his life. Because the other man threw popcorn at him.

Neutral Milk Hotel will be stopping by Albuquerque in April.

And finally, the world is dark and depressing and our hearts go out to the children of Roswell.